The Mezunian

Die Positivität ist das Opium des Volkes, aber der Spott ist das Opium der Verrückten

Idealist Careers Understands the Important Occupational Issues

Holding a name brimming with realism & depth, I’m shocked to see that Idealists Careers’ advice for what to research before a job interview is not such silly things as pay, duties, benefits, & such, but what this company does in the community & what their “values” are.

(Hint: If this value is anything but “making money,” said company probably won’t last long. ’Course, they also won’t last long if they admit that outright; the difference is ’tween smart executives who know they’re bullshitting for strategic purposes & people who write dreck like this. ’Less they’re just bullshitting for strategic purposes, too…)

“You know, if I don’t pay these bills they’ll repossess my car & my children will starve… but how can I take their filthy lucre when they don’t even let me hang up my Brony posters?”

1 o’ these carefully-chosen answers was yourself, which I’m sure caused the writer to orgasm @ the depth o’ her writing, even if it makes no sense in the concrete. To be fair, she does have a point: you never know when some stalker executive will dig through your ol’ personal affairs & judge you for them. “You listen to Less Than Jake? You’re no true punk fan, you fucking poser. Get out o’ my office!”

I remember I got my job when my interviewer showed me a rant I scrawled on the internet with my feces ’bout butchering all o’ the bourgeoisie1 & the yuppie douches who want to be bourgeoisie, but they’ll never be, give it up already. We had a hearty laugh ’bout that.

1 This isn’t for political reasons; bourgeoisie listen to the Game Boy Advance version o’ the “Lavender Town” theme. True punks listen to the Game Boy version, you fucking posers.

Posted in Yuppy Tripe