The Mezunian

Die Positivität ist das Opium des Volkes, aber der Spott ist das Opium der Verrückten

Bar None (an excerpt from The Economicon)

A Marxist & an Austrian-schooler walk into a bar,

& after chugging 20 KG o’ ale,

the Austrian goes to use the loo for an hour.

‘Pon coming out, he holds a glass o’ urine

& says to the Marxist,

“I’ve spent an hour laboring to create this pee.

Since it clearly has labor,

you must be willing to offer a price for it.”

Unperturbed by this fellow’s strawman argument,

the Marxist replies stoically,


The Austrian-schooler can only wince & take a few subtle steps backward.

“W-what? Why would you want my pee?”

The Marxist straightens himself.

“Why are you so nosy into my subjective wants?

Have I not a right as any other to buy whatever I want with my own money?”

So the Marxist bought the pee & huffed it late @ home;

& he proved to the Austrian-schooler

that in a world wherein feces splattered on canvasses are considered high art,

all work, no matter how insipid, can hold value.

Thus, this proves that not only will capitalism inevitably fall,

but that it’s already fallen,

& has simply been replaced by dapitalism,

which is its cousin,

distinguished only by its bowler & handlebar moustache.

That is the only god.

Accept no substitutes.

Also, mud pies are quite useful, you fools:

I eat them all o’ the time.

They are the tastiest o’ chocolate pies.

People who do not enjoy the scrumptiousness o’ chocolate pies

must be eliminated.

Thus decree the scrolls o’ the Engelsist Order o’ the Red Star.

Posted in Poetry, What the Fuck Is this Shit?