“Divorced dad rock” is a common derisive term used gainst a vague mass o’ music, usually late 90s – early 2010s post-grunge, hard rock, & nu-metal music that had a style o’ mellow angst that would seem to apply to the kind o’ stereotypically regressive divorced ( usually white, since the assumption is that the average black man would be e’en mo’ disheartened @ the prospect o’ listening to these ignoble sub-genres & seeing what the crackers did with the rock genre they’d spawned; & in any way most o’ them had long past given up mainstream rock — we can’t include hipsters who listen to hardcore punk or black metal, as their whole goal is to be anomalous — as a lost cause to the crackers & have long moved on to hiphop & R&B ) man who is in need o’ catharsis from their music, but are too toxically masculine for traditional sad music, whose lyrics oft include bitterness o’er relationship troubles with a woman, oft with misogynous undertones, tho it may just be ’bout vague conflict gainst some “enemy” or angsty self-aggrandizing ’bout being “alone” or a “demon”. The stereotypical image is o’ a middle-aged beer-chugging ( usually working-class, since, let’s be honest, this stereotype was largely devised by college-educated middle class self-elected music-listening “elites” to look down @ the rabble ) trailer-park-dwelling white trash loser in a wife-beater & a motorcycle they bought during a midlife crisis & the common bands given as prime examples are either fake tough-guy angsty hard rock like Godmack or Five Finger Death Punch or masculine wangst like Nickelback, Creed, or Staind.

Now, I am no self-elected music elitist: in fact, tho I am college educated & middle class now ( & I am a hipster effete ’nough to prefer robes & denim skirts o’er wifebeaters & prefer public transportation o’er motorcycles ), my family are white trash ’nough that I once did spend a summer living in a trailer when I was in high school, & I did, in fact, grow up with a healthy dose o’ all 5 o’ these bands. Howe’er, as those familiar with other entries in this series know, I am also not music elitist ’nough to be insecure ’bout the music I listen to, which is why I have no problem polluting my YouTube recommendations with shit like Saliva ( in any case, the music I actually like listening to is the kind o’ weird mix o’ hipster experimental & mainstream trash like el horso that makes Creed look like real art ), so I have no problem joining in on the fun o’ making fun o’ this kind o’ music.

Howe’er, for this album I’m less interested in meming ’bout each o’ its enormous 43 tracklist, — tho I will be doing so, too — but seeing how well these songs fit within the genre o’ “divorced dad rock”. I’ve seen plenty o’ playlists & they oft include bizarre, seemingly arbitrary choices, so we’ll see if this seemingly official album does better.

1. “Here Without You”, 3 Doors Down

We start this album with a weepy, sad song that would be considered emo if 3 Doors Down weren’t a band so mainstream & plain they make Matchbox 20 look like Joy Division. I don’t hate on this band as much as other people — e’en tho, yes, I know they cringily played for the 2012 Republican Convention ( contrast that with Rage Against the Machine, who were far less biased: they played for both conventions ) — but I’m not particularly fond o’ this song unless I’m playing the Rock Band 3 version, which is a great way to test hammer-ons.

¿But does it make a good divorced dad song? I mean, it is sad & is ’bout losing someone & is from a band one would expect the kind of ol’ boring person who’d sit round listening to music while pining ’bout their divorce would listen to. Granted, I always suspected this song was ’bout a dying loved one, since it’d be very creepy to sing ’bout how their ex is “still on [ their ] lonely mind” & how they “think about you, baby” & how they “dream about you all the time”; but then Genius showed me an interview by this song’s composer where he outright says that, yes, ’twas inspired by an ex. I’d be curious to know how she felt ’bout it.

So, yeah, this 1st track is a perfect fit for divorced dad rock.

Relevance: S

2. “Scars”, Papa Roach

We can ne’er escape Big Poppa Roach. This is from an album we surprisingly haven’t looked @ yet, Getting Away with Murder. It’s cheesy & melodramatic, but I can’t not love this song for the same reason — tho the decision to not go with the Spanish-language version is cowardly.

In stark contrast to the previous track, which is ’bout someone stalking their ex, this is ’bout how the protagonist wants nothing to do with the ex. Or a’least that’s what it sounds like it’s about: apparently, according to composer Jacoby Shaddix, it’s ’bout a “horrible night in Vegas that changed my fucking life”, whate’er that means. Still, people reinterpret songs to fit their needs all the time, — I still insist that Arctic Monkeys’ “Crying Lightning” is literally ’bout a lightning storm, e’en tho I’m pretty sure that’s also ’bout relationship troubles — & I could definitely see a divorced dad getting drunk & singing karaoking to this to vent his frustration @ his mean ol’ ex.

Relevance: A

3. “Whiskey Hangover”, Godsmack

E’ery song by Godsmack is divorced dad rock, especially 1 with the title, “Whiskey Hangover”, so we don’t e’en need to waste any time making any kind o’ argument.

Relevance: S

4. “She Hates Me”, Puddle of Mudd

This is the kind o’ song I bring up whene’er anyone has the audacity to claim that Nickelback — much less Limp Bizkit or Creed, who sound like Led Zeppelin compared to this band — are the worst band, when nothing Nickelback has made comes e’en close to this sonic atrocity.

&, yeah, with its drunken guitar plicking & “singing” that doesn’t e’en sound like Wes Scantlin is trying to sing ’bout how she fucking hates him, this is a perfect song for some lame-ass divorced dad.

Relevance: S

5. “You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid”, The Offspring

After a strong 4-track streak, this album starts to really lose me with this song, which is a sarcastically peppy pop punk song ’bout some vague master manipulator — probably Bush or some vague US president, given the single’s cover showing the US bald eagle looking angry, tho, given this came out just before the end o’ Bush’s presidency, I’m not sure what the point o’ the former would be. I could see someone interpreting the lyrics ’bout some lying, manipulative ex & singing ’long to the song as mo’ snarky bitter venting than beer-in-hand depression, but it still feels like a weird choice, especially since The Offspring have a much, much better option in the form o’ “She’s Got Issues” or “Feelings”, both from their much mo’ popular album, Americana.

There’s also the genre mismatch: ¿aren’t divorced dad rock s’posed to be in the realm o’ post-grunge or hard rock — you know, boring bands trying to sound tough but failing that are s’posed to appeal to middle-aged people who wear wifebeaters & own a motorcycle they ne’er ride or some shit, like Godsmack? ¿How does a snarky 90s pop-punk band by a bunch o’ nerds whose lead singer has a PhD in molecular biology appeal to that stereotypical wifebeater-wearing motorcyclist? Yeah, they’re ol’; but you can’t just call any ol’ band “divorced dad rock”, or it means nothing. Nobody considered boomers who listened to Led Zeppelin or the Beatles in the 90s divorced dads; they were just out-o’-touch boomers. The divorced dad boomers were the ones listening to the fucking piña colada song or the original version o’ “Feelings”. No sane person considers all out-o’-touch millennials divorced dads; only the ones who still listen to bands like Hinder or Puddle of Mudd unironically & not just so they can snark ’bout it on a blog.

Relevance: D

6. “Fly Away”, Lenny Kravitz

& we just get worse from here. ¡“Fly Away”? ¡“Fly Away”? ¿The funky, catchy song ’bout wanting to fly ’way like a dragonfly or to see the Milky Way? ¿In what world is that divorced dad rock? It’s so happy & hopeful & just a fun song that has nothing to do with divorce. I mean, yeah, a divorced dad may indeed want to listen to this song to distract himself from his unhappiness: but a divorced dad just as may want to listen to Kirby music for the same reason. Again: @ this point the term becomes meaningless.

I mean, if you were going to pick a Lenny Kravitz song, it should’ve been “American Woman”.

Relevance: F

7. “The Kill (Bury Me)”, Thirty Seconds to Mars

¿A fucking emo song that isn’t e’en ’bout lost love? ¡A’least pick a Fall Out Boy song! This sounds less like a song a divorced dad — certainly not the stereotypical wifebeater-wearing motorcycle-owning dudebro mentioned earlier — would listen to & mo’ a song your cringe middle-aged millennial mom & dad would listen to @ their high school reunion after having a few too many drinks & singing it to themselves incompetently while trying to pretend they’re back in high school again.

Still, it is sad & the lines “I am finished with you” & “what if I wanted to break” a’least could be interpreted as breakup lyrics, so it’s far from the worst example.

Relevance: C

8. “Father of Mine”, Everclear

¡IN WHAT UNIVERSE DOES IT MAKE SENSE FOR A DIVORCED DAD TO WANT TO LISTEN TO A SONG FROM THE PERSPECTIVE O’ THE CHILD O’ A DEADBEAT DAD WHO THE CHILD SAYS BEAT HIS WIFE & WHOM THE CHILD CLEARLY DESPISES? This is s’posed to be songs that divorced dads listen to, not songs about divorced dads.

Relevance: F

9. “My Own Prison”, Creed

I mean, Creed is very much a divorced dad band, & this is a very mopey — but in a HARD, angsty way — song. ¿But would a song ’bout being stuck in “my own prison” really fit divorce? ¿Is divorce the prison? Sounds like it’d fit a dad who wishes he could get a divorce, but doesn’t want to have to pay child support or lose custody, so he sticks around “for the kids”.

For the record, I absolutely adore this song in all its cheesy melodrama: the deep “& I SAID OHHH…”s during the chorus & the absolutely gunky way Scott Strapp growls “SHOULDA BEEN DEAD ON A SUNDAY MORNING BANGING MY HEAD…”. That said, for me this is mo’ an “idiot trying to grind for a rare enemy encounter in Final Fantasy” song — that’s my own dorky-ass prison — than a divorced dad rock, but I admit my experiences aren’t e’eryone’s.

Relevance: B

10. “All American Nightmare”, Hinder

Ugh. As mentioned earlier, Hinder is a grade-A example o’ a band that divorced dads would listen to; ¿but this song, which is ’bout all the sexy girls the singer s’posedly gets? I mean, I guess it could be a song for divorced dads who are happy they’re divorced so they can have all the all night stands they want now. I feel like there were better choices that were mo’ popular: “Lips of an Angel” would fit well with a dad divorced for cheating with an ol’ flame or “How Long” for dads divorced ’cause the wife was cheating. But by the standards o’ this album so far, this is a much better choice than fucking “Fly Away”.

Relevance: B

11. “Simple Man”, Lynyrd Skynyrd

& now we’re back to the weird examples — not the least since I’m surprised, given this album’s focus on 2000s rock, this wasn’t the Shinedown cover. This song is ’bout, ’mong other things, how the young protagonist’s mother is telling him how he’ll eventually get married, making this a weirdly hopeful song for a past-his-prime divorced dad. It’s also too classic &, quite frankly, well-respected a song to be the kind o’ novelty cringe a divorced dad would listen to. Again, you can’t just call any boomer song divorced dad rock.

Relevance: D

12. “Call Me When You’re Sober”, Evanescence

Including a song by a woman in “divorced dad rock” is an interesting choice; tho there’s no reason why a divorced dad couldn’t find just as much solace commiserating with a woman who’s had a break up as with another man; & this song literally is ’bout the singer breaking up with someone: specifically the lead singer o’ another band, Seether, Shaun Morgan. I expect to see that band somewhere on this list, since they have tons o’ divorced dad rock material. &, you know what else, it’s also just a very good song in itself. Hell, I’ve ne’er e’en been interested in being in a relationship with anyone & I like to sing along to this song ’cause it’s just got great vocals.

Relevance: B

13. “Anthem of the Underdog”, 12 Stones

I don’t e’en know who the hell this band is, but as soon as I heard this song’s opening strained post-grunge singing that sounds like bootleg Skillet I knew this band a’least was divorced dad rock material. & indeed, looking @ the lyrics, it sounds like it might be ’bout someone whose been broken up with the lyrics, “& you’re here now feeling the pain of a thousand hearts”, which would sound emo if not for the bombastic hard rock sound — & that’s what I interpret divorced dad rock to be: hard rock emo.

Relevance: A

14. “Tear Away”, Drowning Pool

I mean, if anything, it’s nice to get acknowledgment that Drowning Pool did mo’ than the “bodies hit the floor” song, especially this song, whose calm, cool chorus crooning ’bout how the singer, “don’t care about anyone else but me”, especially the end o’ the 2nd verse leading up to the bridge, where the singer says with heavy filtering, “god damn i love me”.

& I guess you could interpret this song’s lyrics as being ’bout someone whose selfishness pushes ’way love interests & I guess this band’s nu-metal mellow angst sound would be popular with divorced dads… but I just feel like there are far mo’ fitting choices that we haven’t seen yet. Plus, the implications o’ the stereotypical divorced dad is usually that he lacks the self-awareness to blame himself for the relationship falling apart, certainly not in the calm way this song does.

Relevance: C

15. “Say It Ain’t So”, Weezer

Sigh, this is the same problem as “Father of Mine”, but maybe less egregious, since Rivers Cuomo seemed much mo’ conflicted ’bout his feelings for his father & stepfather than Art Alexakis’s righteous vitriol gainst his alleged wifebeating father. Yes, this is a song ’bout divorced dads in a way, but, ’gain, it’s ’bout the child’s perspective & the lingering affect it left on them, making it mo’ “child o’ divorced dad” rock than music a divorced dad would want to listen to. & again, this is pop-punk emo, & a band that is a bit o’ a meme ’mong gen z, to boot. Calling Weezer divorced dad rock is like calling Smash Mouth or My Chemical Romance divorced dad rock: it’s just wrong, not the least ’cause most Weezer fans are probably still too socially maladjusted to get a girlfriend @ all, much less a wife.

Grade: F

16. “Touch, Peel and Stand”, Days of The New

Days of the New is 1 o’ those post-grunge bands barely anyone remembers, but ’mong those who do, they’re considered a bit o’ a cult classic, 1 o’ the few post-grunge bands with any kind o’ critical respect, probably due to the relative obscurity & due to the early end o’ the band & the sad way it came ’bout, too. & indeed, I did always loved this song’s swampy guitar & bass notes.

That being said, we have to be honest with ourselves & admit that this is far from the worst example o’ divorced dad rock with its mellow angst post-grunge sound. & while this song is almost certainly ’bout the singer abusing himself with drugs, the lines, “you’re always talking back to me / you won’t let it go”, show how this self-abuse includes pushing ’way ones loved ones, leaving one alone. @ the very least, it’d be hard to deny that this would make a good song for a dad who ended up divorced due to drug problems, which I can only imagine is a common cause for divorce.

Relevance: B

17. “New Tattoo”, Saving Abel

Saving Abel is ’nother post-grunge band that isn’t very well known; but unlike Days of the New, they’re not respected critically, & that’s probably ’cause, unlike Days of the New, they blow ass. Also, Days of the New hit it in the late 90s when grunge was still somewhat fresh, whereas Saving Abel came up in the late 2000s when people were sick o’ post-grunge. I’m almost certain I won’t remember this song with its plodding drums & weak vocals trying & failing to sound smooth & tough before I’m e’en done with this post.

This song is like Hinder’s “All American Nightmare” in that it’s mo’ ’bout going out on one night stands with women, so mo’ for dads happy they’re divorced. If the band weren’t completely forgotten by e’eryone but me, I’d think that the band Rehab’s “Last Tattoo” would fit better, as that is clearly ’bout a man bitter ’bout a breakup & has the same white-trash mellow angst sound.

Relevance: B

18. “If You Could Only See”, Tonic

Terrible choice, absolutely terrible. You boneheads, this song is ’bout someone being in love with someone, not breaking up with someone. ¡This is the last song a divorced dad wants to hear! Especially an older, past-his-prime divorced dad, since it’s ’bout a young man being in love with an older woman. Also, an alt rock band like Tonic feels way off course for the stereotypical divorced dad demographic.

Relevance: F

19. “My Sacrifice”, Creed

Since I’m probably ne’er going to do a post on the album whence this song comes, now is the only time where I can come out in say it: this song sounds nice. Honestly, in general Creed isn’t that bad a band & have genuinely good music; they just have a terrible singer who sounds like he’s choking on a squirrel as he sings & has a lot o’ drama surrounding him — most seriously getting a felony for domestic abuse gainst his wife — & has goofy, sappy lyrics — as evident by Alter Bridge, which is just Creed with a better lead singer, being liked as much as they are.

Also, this is an e’er weirder choice than “My Own Prison”, given how hopeful this song sounds & how it’s ’bout trying to build back one’s life after terrible times. I guess that fits for a divorced dad trying to rebuild his life after said divorce… Honestly, thinking ’bout it mo’, Creed feels less like divorced dad rock & mo’ like “person who converted to Christianity because they ruined their life with drugs & feel like they need some kind o’ external magic to keep them from being a fuckup” rock. I’d ne’er gotten a sense that a Creed fan would wear wifebeaters or think o’ themselves as that tough as, say, a Godsmack or Five Finger Death Punch fan.

Also, since we’re talking ’bout this song in particular, I have to bring up the hilarious MadTV parody o’ postgrunge, which includes a parody o’ this song’s goofy music video with them rowing a boat thru a flooded city:

Relevance: C

20. “Lips of an Angel”, Hinder

O, here we go: I was waiting for this. As I said, this is a perfect song for a dad who got divorced ’cause he got caught cheating, & Hinder is the perfect sound for the stereotypical divorced dad.

God, this song sounds so bad. It makes the worst 80s metal ballad sound like Otis Redding. Unlike, Creed, whose sappiness is funny — mainly ’cause Scott Strapp is so bad @ sappy singing with his gremlin voice — this song has so much cheese it makes me feel sick listening to it.

Relevance: A

21. “Forever”, Papa Roach

E’en when this album doesn’t pick weird bands, — Papa Roach is a perfectly good choice for divorced dad rock — sometimes the songs they pick are surprising, especially when they’re lesser known songs, like this 1. ¿How many people remember this 1?

This is, like the 1st track, a creepy example, since it’s a romantic song ’bout how the singer’s “feelings for you are forever”; howe’er, unlike 3 Doors Down, Jacoby Shaddix is not a complete creep ( as far as I know ), & this song isn’t ’bout an ex o’ Shaddix’s, but, hilariously, ’bout drug use: it’s apparently ’bout Shaddix deciding to give up on his “7-8 years of debauchery” & presumably a bittersweet feelings he have ’bout giving up something that is so unhealthy, but also probably brought a lot o’ fun & good memories. Honestly, that’s a cool, funny idea for a song & makes me like this song mo’.

This song loses points on relevancy because e’en if maybe a divorced dad might want to listen to this song to commiserate ’bout his ex, he shouldn’t, & while Papa Roach in general oft sounds like a divorced dad rock, this song sounds like 1 o’ their lesser o’ that sound, having a much gently, smoother sound: it’s certainly mellow, but there’s hardly any angst.

Relevance: B

22. “I Stand Alone”, Godsmack

“I stand alone” sounds like the perfect cope a divorced dad would tell himself while putting on his wifebeater & revving up his own midlife-crisis motorcycle while cranking up his good ol’ Godsmack.

Relevance: S

23. “Everyone’s Fool”, Evanescence

OK, I defended the earlier Evanescence song, ’cause ’twas literally ’bout a break up, but this is a song primarily aimed @ teenage women feeling pressured to fit in with society. I’m not saying a divorced dad couldn’t like this song: I’m saying one who does is either too progressive to fit into the denigrating stereotype that people harbor when they use the term or is way too interested in matters regarding teenage women to not merit being put on a list.

Relevance: F

24. “Savior”, Rise Against

I don’t care how ol’ this song or I am: this will always be a youthful anthem. Also, pop punk is not divorced dad rock — just stop. This is less egregious than the earlier pop punk examples, since this song is ’bout a breakup; but it feels mo’ like an angsty teenage breakup than the breakup o’ a douchy, past-his-prime dad.

Relevance: D

25. “Paralyzer”, Finger Eleven

No, no, no. ¿What idiot put this on the list? This is a club dance jam ’bout getting ladies, not ’bout getting divorced. The last thing some mopey divorced dad wants to hear is this happy song ’bout going out & partying when he clearly isn’t. It doesn’t e’en have the bitter cope that “All American Nightmare” & “New Tattoo” have, either. Furthermo’, the singer sings with a kind o’ youthful wallflower shyness o’ someone who probably hasn’t had a girlfriend yet, much less been divorced. Finally, this indie-pop sound doesn’t gel with the “divorced dad” energy @ all. Like the Thirty Seconds to Mars song earlier, this sounds mo’ like a song a cringe ol’ married couple would sing to each other @ the bar; it’s too romantic for divorced dads.

Worse, there are much better Finger Eleven songs: ¡“Talking to the Walls” is literally ’bout whining ’bout how “bent & broken” the singer is “since I’ve been without you”! ¡& that was from the same album as “Paralyzer”!

Relevance: F

26. “The Diary of Jane”, Breaking Benjamin

I was waiting for ol’ Ben to show up. Sigh. I love this song, but, yeah, I can see this as divorced dad rock. I mean, when I look up “divorced dad rock” in Google, 1 o’ their top questions is “Is Breaking Benjamin divorced dad rock?” & Google’s “AI Overview” answers bluntly, “Yes” — & as the wise Karl Jobst said, “AI never lies. I mean give me a single example that AI was every wrong. You can’t”. & tho this song is mo’ ’bout the protagonist obsessing pining o’er a women he probably has ne’er been able to get, I can see a divorced dad twisting that to be ’bout his obsession with his ex or just his obsession with having love or sex after losing it.

Relevance: A

27. “What If”, Creed

These opening notes sound eerily similar to the Beatles’ “She’s So Heavy”. This is especially funny, given that after this nice sounding symphony, we suddenly get Scott Strapp shouting @ the listener like Cletus from The Simpsons with corny-ass whitebread riffs. Also, ¿this was made for Scream 3? I ne’er watched that movie, but the idea o’ asking Creed to make a horror movie — e’en a comedic horror movie — song is hilarious.

Anyway, this is a better choice than the other Creed songs, since it sounds angry & bitter; & tho it’s probably not ’bout an ex, the vague vitriol gainst someone else who “lied” & how the singer wants “an eye for an eye” could certainly be twisted to serve an evil ex.

Relevance: A

28. “One Headlight”, The Wallflowers

While sad, this song is not ’bout divorce, but maybe ’bout a loved one dying; & there’s no bitter sad angst, but weak hope. Also, nobody thinks alt rock is divorced dad rock material. I’m pretty sure the stereotypical “divorced dad” would find this song “gay”.

Relevance: D

29. “When I’m Gone”, 3 Doors Down

God damn it, now you’re fucking up with bands that could be candidates for divorced dad rock. Listen to the fucking lyrics to this song: ¿does it sound like divorced dad material? “So hold me when I’m here, right me when I’m wrong”. ¿Does that sound like bitter divorce material? No, it’s romantic love gestures from someone who has to leave his lover to the regret o’ both o’ them, presumably temporarily, & probably either to go on tour or to go fight in a war. Only a divorced dad under the delusion that he’s not divorced would want to listen to this.

Relevance: F

30. “Addicted”, Saving Abel

I’m gonna go apeshit:

I’m so addicted to
all the things you do
when you’re going down on me
in between the sheets

I think it should be completely uncontroversial for me to assert that no romantic song or song ’bout making love or being addicted to someone should be a contender for “divorced dad rock”, e’en when by a band as buttrock-ass as Saving Abel.

Relevance: F

31. “Between Angels and Insects”, Papa Roach

¿Did the curator for this list just read this song title & assume it’s ’bout a broken relationship & not antimaterialism? I mean, yeah, maybe a divorced dad might cope by saying, “take my money, I don’t need that shit” when his wife & her superior lawyer takes him to the cleaners, but that requires some creative imagining.

Relevance: C

32. “Bound for the Floor”, Local H

OK, this band was ol’ when I became a young adult, & I still think this is a youthful band, especially when this song involves a bunch o’ kids on… whate’er that playground wheel thing is. ¿Who else is divorced dad rock? ¿Nirvana? ¿Sonic Youth? This song is ’bout the grunge angst the youth felt during the 90s, not an ol’ man whining ’bout his mean ol’ ex leaving him.

Relevance: D

33. “Control”, Puddle of Mudd

God damn it, they did it ’gain… O’ all the Puddle of Mudd songs that would’ve made perfect fits, you picked the song ’bout how the singer is having so much filthy sex & how he “hates it” ( read: loves it ) & “you’re not the one for me” ( read: “you’re bad for me, but I love it” ). This is, ’gain, a romantic song. It’s a gross & stupid song, — especially the way he keeps talking ’bout how he loves “the way you smack my ass” in the most white-trash-ass drawl while dramatically increasing his voice — but still a romantic song.

Relevance: F

34. “With Arms Wide Open”, Creed

¿How many Creed songs are on here? ¿Why does Nickelback get no love? They make a better divorced dad band.

This is a hopeful song ’bout the singer realizing he is ’bout to become a father, which is almost the opposite o’ a dad becoming divorced & most likely losing custody o’ his children. Congratulations, curator: you picked literally the least-fitting Creed song.

Relevance: F

35. “Re-Education (Through Labor)”, Rise Against

¿What the fuck? OK, this just makes me laugh out loud, ’cause it’s such an out-there pick: this is a political radical pop punk song whose title ironically compares the brutality o’ capitalist societies to the prison systems o’ totalitarian communist regimes. ¿What does that have to do with divorced dads? I mean, yeah, I guess it’s possible for a divorced dad to, while pondering the breakdown o’ his marriage, turn his attention to the material conditions that might have led to that breakdown & may come to blame the capitalist system o’ production for his divorce & become a radical communist as a result. Again: requires a lot o’ imagining to get to that conclusion, tho.

Relevance: F

36. “All Over You”, Live

OK, this is just the curator being an idiot who wasn’t paying attention to the lyrics: they heard “all over you” & interpreted it as being ’bout breaking up with someone; but if you pay close attention to the lyrics, the singer is actually talking ’bout how they’re all o’er each other like water & how she lays him down — it’s a song ’bout having sex. So we have yet ’nother romantic “divorced dad” song.

Relevance: F

37. “Hands Down”, Dashboard Confessional

Yes, this twink-ass emo song is totally what a wifebeater-wearing middle aged divorced man would listen to & not what a mopey middle-class teenager would listen to while putting on their mascara.

Relevance: F

38. “Downfall”, TRUSTCompany

Honestly, by this point I’m so numb to bad choices that I just feel like shrugging @ this choice. Sure. ¿Why not? It feels a bit too calm for the stereotypically wangsty divorced dad & a bit too emo & it seems to be mo’ a plea to the other to break up with the protagonist, not complaining ’bout being rejected, but maybe a divorced dad could view this as cope: “I was the one who broke up with her”. I mean, nobody e’er specified that the divorced dad wasn’t the one who initiated the divorce — that was always implied, but technically ne’er specified.

Also, I had no idea this song came out in 2002. It’s not that surprising stylistically, since this kind o’ postgrunge / nu-metal / emo kind o’ music was common then. It’s not too far from Chevelle or Taproot. But I remember hearing this song on the local buttrock station — 99.9 ¡THE ROCK!, which, I shit you not, back when I listened to it in high school had talk shows called “The Morning BJ” & “The Men’s Room”, which were exactly what you’d expect — in the early 2010s, so I figured ’twas part o’ that era I called the “undead grunge” era, when postgrunge had really started to decay, with bands like Redlight King, Halestorm, & 10 Years. I can feel the nostalgia flowing into me while thinking ’bout these long-forgotten bands already.

Relevance: C

39. “Whatever It Takes”, Lifehouse

O, god, yes, this fits great with its hokey fake KFC twang & the stalkerish wangst ’hind lines like, “i’ll do whatever it takes to turn this around”. Also, this chrous’s melody sounds like a copy o’ Buckcherry’s “Sorry”, which is probably ’cause it sounds like the most cliché wangst melody.

Relevance: S

40. “Fix Me”, 10 Years

¡Speak o’ the devil! Now this song did come out 2010, when I remember hearing it all the time on that aforementioned buttrock station. &, yes, its petrified postgrunge angst telling you, “don’t try to fix me”, & how they “feed on the friction” fits that “fuck you, I’m not mad, but I’m gonna listen to a bunch o’ songs ’bout being mad” energy that defines divorced dad rock.

Relevance: S

41. “Suffocate”, Cold

As soon as I heard the sewer-sounding low guitar strings, followed by a voice with an accent I don’t recognize but sounds like the accent a poor white person somewhere would have saying, “i could take e’ery fuckin’ word she said / throw it in her face”, I knew this was a perfect fit for this album.

I almost thought I’d ne’er heard o’ this band, — I certainly don’t remember this song — but ’pon looking them up, I ran into this song called “Just Got Wicked”, which I do remember ’cause… just listen to that song & tell me you wouldn’t remember how goofy it is. I think they stopped playing this nu-metal wannabe band on the radio before I got into rock, so I missed this band ’long with other early B-list nu-metal bands like Coal Chamber, Mushroomhead, & Skindred, & only found this song a couple years ago while watching random music videos.

Relevance: S

42. “Crawling in the Dark”, Hoobastank

I’m not feeling this choice. This sounds mo’ like ✝-rock than divorced dad rock & sounds mo’ like what some teenaged emo would make an Inuyasha AMV for, — &, in fact, I was able to find a’least 4 do exist in amazing crusty Game Boy Advance resolutions — not something a divorced dad would listen to while drinking beers in his man cave. “¿is there something more than what i’ve been handed?” just doesn’t sound like a line from divorced dad rock.

Relevance: D

43. “Overcome”, Creed

This album compiler overcame @ the thought o’ adding Creed songs to this album, as I think this is the 5th song. & this is from their 2009 “comeback” that e’eryone ignored, — I ne’er heard this single on the radio — which is surprising, as it sounds better than a lot o’ their earlier work with that guitar solo in the bridge & Scott Strapp sounding less stuffy & mumbly in his singing. Honestly, it’s a better choice than nearly all o’ the earlier choices, since it has a mo’ southern sound than their other work, is much less gentle-sounding, & is ’bout overcoming some vague troubles, which could include being divorced.

Relevance: B

Conclusion

As you’ve probably already gathered, I was not impressed by the song choices in this list. In fact, this list had some o’ the worst song choices imaginable. There was also a lack o’ variety & a shocking lack o’ expected bands. I can only imagine there were licensing issues behind Nickelback being missing, as ’bout half o’ All the Right Reasons could be considered divorced dad rock. Same could be said for the absence o’ Theory of a Dead Man, which is near the top o’ divorced dad rock.

Because o’ this, I’ve decided to provide my own list o’ songs I think would’ve worked better, not including the songs I praised from this album, like “She Hates Me”.

“No Surprise”, Theory of a Deadman

It was certainly a surprise this song wasn’t on this album with its squeaky bootleg saloon guitar melodies & with a chorus like this:

well it ain’t no surprise
that you turn me on & leave
it ain’t no surprise
that you turn it around on me
i don’t know why
you won’t give me what i need
it ain’t no surprise
that that bitch is leavin’ me

If that ain’t divorced dad rock material, I don’t know what is.

I would also add “Bitch Came Back” as another excellent choice. If you’re sitting their with curiosity & dread, I have to confirm your worst fears, but, yes, that is a remix o’ the ol’ blues song, “The Cat Came Back”. & that’s not e’en the worst song this band has concocted, either. People who call Nickelback the worst band e’er are blissfully ignorant o’ the true depths music can stoop.

But the upside o’ this is that it gives me surely my 1 & only chance to show you guys this ol’ Canadian cartoon, which will make a nice break from divorced dad rock:

“Someday”, Nickelback

Speaking o’ Nickelback… — & Canadians — It actually took me a bit to decide on what song to prioritize, since many, including “Should’ve Listened”, “Do This Anymore”, “Flat on the Floor”, &, as mentioned earlier, practically half o’ All the Right Reasons would’ve been good candidates. I picked this song ’cause o’ how big a single ’twas & how much it whines ’bout relationship problems while blaming the other — tho I probably would’ve chosen “Do This Anymore” if ’twas a single.

“Sorry”, Buckcherry

A better choice than the Lifehouse song.

“Walk Away”, Five Finger Death Punch

¿& how was Five Floured Danish Pies not on this list? I picked “Walk Away” because, I mean, just listen to the passive aggressive way he croaks out, “I’m sorry… for the demon i’ve become”.

Also, ¿has this song always been so shittily mixed or did Five Fantasy Dragon Power’s official YouTube video just upload an MP3 they found off a file sharing site? The high hats sound like someone dropping a bunch o’ silverware in the other room.

“Right Here”, Staind

Tho I’m surprised not to see this band on this list, to be honest, like Creed, this band’s a questionable choice, being on the gentler side, especially since I think most o’ Staind’s songs were ’bout angst toward parents rather than toward an ol’ lover. But “Right Away”, with lines like, “i’ve got some imperfections / but how could you collect them all & throw them in my face”, followed by a chorus talking ’bout how she’ll always have him “right here waiting” — for her restraining order, that is — & just the general passive aggressive tone makes this song a perfect fit.

Also, speaking o’ the band Cold from before, my YouTube recommendations tell me that Cold had a song featuring Staind’s lead singer. It sucks.

“Breakdown”, Seether

I’m also shocked @ the lack o’ Seether, given how many songs they made that would fit. I mainly included this song ’cause ’twas a response to Evanescence’s “Call Me When You’re Sober” above after Evanescence’s lead singer, Amy Lee, — that black-haired woman in the music video is clearly her — broke up with Seether’s lead singer, Shaun Morgan, & so it would’ve made a funny inclusion.

“Always”, Saliva

It’s a Saliva song & he’s nasally whining ’bout how he can’t live without you. I need to say nothing mo’.

“Home”, Three Days Grace

Sigh. I s’pose I should be glad this band was left off the list, but as much as I love this band, they’ve made plenty o’ relationship angst songs that could be classified as divorced dad rock. I picked this song o’er “I Hate Everything About You”, ’cause that song could arguably be a love song. “I Don’t Care” by Apocalyptica featuring Adam Gontier as the singer would also be a good choice, but probably isn’t nearly as well known as this song nowadays. Same could be said ’bout “Bitter Taste” — tho that song, ’long with its whole album, has a softer sound, so I don’t think it works as well as this song.

“All The Same”, Sick Puppies

& while we’re @ it, we should include the Australian Three Days Grace bootleg, the Sick Puppies. This is far from a well-known song, — honestly, ¿does anyone else e’en remember this band, & if so, do they remember any song other than “You’re Going Down”? — but this has a music video, which is good ’nough, & the cheesy shout during the bridge, “¡JUST GO AHEAD SAY IT! — you’re leaving / you’ll just come back running”, fits perfectly.

“Send the Pain Below”, Chevelle

I really like this song, — e’en if Chevelle is clearly bootleg Deftones — but just lol @ this song’s title. You can’t tell me a song that symbolizes a toxic relationship thru the emasculating image o’ genital mutilation isn’t prime divorced dad rock material.

“Happy?”, Mudvayne

You know, I’ve ne’er thought ’bout it, but I’m pretty certain this is a breakup song, with lyrics like, “tear me from myself / ¿are you feeling happy now?”.

“If You Only Knew”, Shinedown

Surprisingly, I don’t recall Shinedown having that many relationship angst songs, — a’least ’mong their singles; I’m not sifting thru their whole discography to find a fitting deep cut — but I found this song, which was apparently written ’bout an ex pregnant with the composer/singer’s kid.

“Last Time”, Fuel

“Hemorrhage (In My Head)” was way mo’ popular, this song being a deep cut, but that song’s ’bout the singer’s grandmother dying & seemed too sad & not angry ’nough. This song fits much better.

“You Oughta Know”, Alanis Morissette

I mean if we’re going to include songs by women like “Call Me When You’re Sober”, I don’t see why we’re leaving out “You Oughta Know” — I would certainly put it @ the top for “divorced mom rock”.

2nd Conclusion

I could probably find many mo’ better examples, but I think you get the point.

On my travels thru the twisted world o’ the internet i managed to stumble ’pon a rabbit hole surrounding some nazi Vtuber ( not surprising ) who calls herself the “Alex Jones of Vtubing”, whate’er that is ( ¿does that mean she’ll end up getting sued to bankruptcy & losing her anime fox girl to the company that owns The Onion, too unfortunately some other bidder, ’cause the judge hates funny trolls? ), & seems to exist as goon material for sad fascists & some Vice article that used to exist on her, but was taken down after she threatened a lawsuit, ’cause Vice came to their senses & realized they were wasting their time writing articles on fucking Vtubers when they could be writing ’bout much mo’ important topics, like… ¿sexy clowns? You know what, ne’er mind.

Anyway, unlike Vice, I’m not interested in or surprised by this edgelord’s racism, transphobia ( which, given her hiding ’hind a fake anime girl, very well may be self-hating projection ’bout her own fetishes from someone a transphobe would insist is a “man” ) or the laughably pathetic keyboard katana-swinging regarding killing communists from someone who, again, cowardly hides ’hind a fake anime girl & would probably be too timid to look a real communist in the eyes outside the bedroom she spends all her time in, much less stab 1; all I care ’bout is the hilarious photo by an apparent fan o’ hers:

Surrounding & ’bove a bunch o’ Nazi literature, including a beautifully hardcovered copy o’ In His Own Words: The Essential Speeches of Adolf Hitler ( tho also, only I noticed, a 1 weird copy o’ The Philosophy of Marx — tho after closer inspection I found it wasn’t the popular 1 by Étienne Balibar, but some goofy woo-filled critique arguing that Hegelian dialectics “was not a mystical, external force, but rather an organic element of life”, whate’er that means, by a guy literally named “Giovanni Gentile” with the words “NO NO NO NO…” repeated all o’er the cover, which sure shows intellectual seriousness — which just goes to show that e’en now the Nationalist Socialists can’t thrive without parasitically stealing from socialists, since they can’t create anything original themselves ) are 2 gooner anime dolls, 1 showing off her pretty pink panty shot, while in the bottom left are Yu-Gi-Oh manga & in the upper left are good ol’ Breaking Benjamin vinyl. Bitch, e’en I don’t have vinyl for Breaking Benjamin: I love this band, but good luck getting anything more out o’ its o’erproduced sound that you couldn’t get thru digital formats. Also, it’s their shitty new albums. That just means you like wasting money.

the dream:

on the night o’ may 10 & the morn o’ may 11, 2025, I had several interesting dreams:

most o’ them tied round an imaginary surreal dark comedy cartoon mostly revolving round a young child heavily inspired by nasrin, including wearing sweatpants, but far braver & with a childlike lack o’ any sense o’ morality beyond their own desires, exploring seemingly infinitely sprawling surreal architecture probably inspired by anthology of the killer. i think this series was called “dollhouse” or something, but it’s fuzzy. they are part o’ a family o’ 20 kids — 10 boys, 9 girls, & the aforementioned young child, the youngest o’ the family, who also like nasrin rejects being gendered, but unlike nasrin, also claims to have infinite dna & infinite chromosomes that no existing computer has the memory to process for some reason, whate’er relevance that has — who mostly do their own things: the father is always out “working” or @ home sleeping, & the mother spends all her time trying to clean the e’erexpanding home or passed out after spiking on some drug with a name that sounds like “animephidesinal”, which she gets by essentially prostituting herself to dealers ( dreams, i think you’re trying too hard to be tritely edgy here; ¿why can’t she just find the animephidesinal in the e’erexpanding home? ), she takes to try keeping herself up to clean the house. the kids mostly take care o’ themselves, entertaining themselves & feeding themselves on what they find in the e’erexpanding home. save for the youngest child, my dreams didn’t focus on them much. for the parents, there were the following exchanges:

[ both sitting in bed together, staring straight into the void, not looking @ each other ]

mother: husband, I truly do not feel comfortable with you going out “working” all the time. we do not need the money: the e’erexpanding universe provides us with infinite resources. i wish you would spend mo’ time @ home not sleeping helping me clean this e’erexpanding home.

father: i understand your concerns, but i am afraid my need to go out & work is a boundary o’ mine that i cannot just drop. with full honesty, i do not understand why you feel the need to clean our infinitely-sized home, when this is a clearly impossible endeavor &, to be fully honest, i am not comfortable with your reliance on pharmaceutical drugs in order to facilitate you in your task, tho i understand why you feel the need to do so.

mother: ok, i understand, & i hear your concerns. but nobody can say that we do not communicate with each other.

i don’t remember the context o’ this exchange ’tween the father & the youngest child. i think ’twas seeing the child reading or maybe after learning o’ the child’s explorations thru the e’erexpanding universe:

father: child, do not think that you must strive to be a rich inventor or sexy celebrity. it is perfectly ok for you to have an ordinary job & an ordinary life.

the dreams mainly focused on the youngest child, who unlike their lazy siblings who mostly sat around in the center o’ their e’erexpanding home watching tv or playing with toys, would oft venture out into the outer realms o’ their e’erexpanding universe. i remember there being 3 episodes:

1. the pilot, which, weirdly, had multiple variations, & was quite different from the rest, including the lack o’ siblings, them living in a normal home, not an e’erexpanding 1, & them not being trans yet. it’s a snowy day & the youngest child walks down a suburban sidewalk to some neighbor’s house to complete some challenge. i think the neighbor somehow realized the youngest child’s precocious brilliance & invited them o’er. the neighbor has a creepy aura to which the youngest child is oblivious. ( indeed, there is an unnerving pattern o’ adult men creeping on the youngest child, including while they’re exploring the city in the 3rd episode, tho thankfully nothing e’er happens to them & the youngest child themself is ne’er sexualized in any way ). the youngest child is challenged to race thru the neighbor’s house full o’ bizarre architecture trying to collect all 70 orbs on the way. @ the end they reach an open town square & when coming up to a large temple, a lion statue comes to life, jumps in front o’ the youngest child, & offers them a ride. they take it & race thru the inside o’ the temple, ending with them dismounting & meeting back up with the neighbor, as well as their parents, the former o’ whom lets them know they won. there are mo’ variations, — including 1 where the youngest child goes inside a different temple without the lion statue or riding the lion — seemingly attempting to beat earlier records, but failing, presumably ’cause they’re rushing too much & missing orbs & having to suddenly turn back to get them.

2. probably the most characteristic o’ the series, & the longest. the youngest child explores the outer realms o’ their home, with bizarre architecture going in seemingly e’ery direction. the youngest child begins fearing for their own life & is immediately met with absurdly coincidental circumstances that seem aimed @ harming them, including 1 man suddenly rushing in & spraying a pump into the air while crying out, “¡it’s poison spray time!”, causing e’eryone to drop to the floor, tho with bored expressions that indicate a lack o’ concern with their impending demises. the youngest child, howe’er, manages to crawl away under desk, guarded from the poison. the youngest child then vies to find an isolated corner by themself, away from anyone who could harm them. howe’er, when they think they find 1, a seemingly innocuous hippo balloon tries to follow. wanting to be alone, the youngest child keeps shoving the hippo balloon back, only for it to morph into a stocky gremlin, who, annoyed @ the youngest child’s rejection, tries to attack the youngest child. howe’er the youngest child manages to escape.

3. the parents go out & the youngest child uses this opportunity to sneak out into the big city, only to be frustrated as they try to explore. for whate’er reason, their movements are sluggish, especially while trying to cross the street, & the traffic lights are erratic, changing from green to yellow to red to yellow to green to red without any warning. luckily for them, the cars seemed to have become sluggish, too, & they are able to make it to the other side before the cars race thru. the youngest child discovers that there is a game going on — a kind o’ easter egg hunt, but for teddy bears, strewn thruout the buildings. howe’er, as they try to climb buildings, they are frustrated. all they want to do is go from rooftop to rooftop. then they remember they know a way to mix together chemicals to give themself the power to make great leaps &, after doing so & drinking the vial o’ green liquid, they begin leaping from roof to roof, snatching up as many teddy bears as they can. howe’er, they start to see rooftops without any teddy bears. soon after, they run into a man on a jetpack, who, seeing the youngest child collecting teddy bears, also, tries to attack them, grabbing their bag in mid jump & flinging them @ another building’s wall in the hopes o’ killing them. before their new foe looks down to see if he achieved his goal, the youngest child clings tightly to the wall & scrambles round to the other side before he can see them on the wall. while behind the foe, they jump up & knock him from behind, causing him to crash down to the pavement to his demise. they then climb down & take their teddy bears & take them to the content attendant, who is surprised by just how many teddy bears they were able to get, & they are declared the winner.

analysis:

while people like to focus on the surreal aspects o’ dreams, what most fascinates me are the logical parts — not in terms o’ trite freudian implications o’ the dreamer’s emotional or psychological state, as the only psychological state most o’ my dreams imply are those o’ a storyteller wanting to tell an interesting story, but the seemingly conscious thematic aspects that my subconscious manages to compose.

there is a clear theme o’ domestic satire to this series’ family, with the parody pharmaceutical drug name or the absurdly cliché way the parents act in their traditional gendered roles, despite neither being useful in the postscarcity world in which they seem to live, where the father’s “work” offers nothing for the family — &, in fact, seems to be implied to not be real work, but just a ’scuse to escape his family, or perhaps escape the ignominy o’ being a stay-@-home father. indeed, it seems that the parents’ fixation on following traditional parental roles, ironically, causes them to neglect what emotional roles they may still offer their children, with whom they seem to ne’er interact. it’s hard not to conclude that the children would thrive just as well without their parents now, which makes me wonder if their absurd clinging to their traditional gendered parental roles is a desperate way to force themselves to fit a role & justify an existence that seems redundant in this scary postscarcity anarchy o’ infinite expansion & change.

contrast that with the youngest child, the main character, who doesn’t seem to find this new anarchist universe scary, but exciting, embracing it in a nietzchean way, exploring this infinity for the pleasure o’ fulfilling their just-as-infinite curiosity & will to power for success by taking advantage o’ their precocious brilliance greater than e’en most o’ the adults in this radical world o’erturning social hierarchies. contrast that with their complacent siblings, so incurious & dull-minded that they stay in their same normal center o’ the home, mostly sticking to their traditional form o’ entertainment in the form o’ tv. unlike their parents, they do not seem to be clinging to tv out o’ any conscious yearning for getting back tradition, but out o’ thoughtless default: they’d been getting satisfaction from tv for as long as they’ve remembered; ¿why stop now? ¿what do they need outside their small, safe center? if the youngest child is the nietzchean übermench, their siblings are the poster children for nietzche’s “last men”.

&, ’course, the youngest child goes to the other extreme o’ their parents’ insistence on keeping to traditional gender roles, rejecting gender completely with the boast that they are too infinite to be any gender — as nasrin would say, paraphrasing nietzche emself, being “above male & female”. i love the brilliance o’ my dreams starting by splitting the children into an even 10-10 male-female, like an e’en mo’ exaggerated version o’ the brady bunch, but then going back & breaking that evenness by making the youngest child be nonbinary. the rebellious youngest child clearly refused to submit to their father’s appeal for them to get an ordinary job & live an ordinary life, e’en if it their supernova expansion intruded on their family’s orderly pasture: the rest o’ their family can want order all they want; they insist on chaos. interestingly, i don’t think anywhere in my dream ’twas e’er specified what any o’ their family thought o’ their transition & whether or not they respected their pronouns; they certainly ne’er showed any concern for what any o’ their family members might think o’ it.

despite this labored analysis, hardly any o’ these themes or satire required much thought, which is how my dreams managed to compose such themes — & i don’t e’en know if the breakage o’ the gender balance was intentional or just my dreams forgetting 1 thing & rushing forward into the next idea. indeed, much o’ it is cliché & obvious, sometimes falling into needlessly gruesome trite forms o’ sexist sexual violence gainst those traditionally interpreted as women that my conscious mind would avoid composing. it’s notable that despite how seemingly anarchic this e’erexpanding universe it is, the need for women to give up sex to buy material needs still exists, as do child predators going after who they think are li’l girls. these by themself could be an ironic commentary on the uglier side o’ traditional gender roles that reactionaries prefer to ignore; but mo’ damning is the implications o’ the youngest child needing to give up their gender to liberate themself, to be “infinite” — they themself frame it mo’ as escaping the millstone o’ gender rather than a positive affinity toward nonbinariness itself. ( then again, given the pathetic model their parents provide for masculinity & femininity, having to go out & pretend to work to be a “real” man or drug oneself up to be a “real” mother, it’s not surprising such an impressionable child would see nothing worthwhile in either being a woman or a man ).

&, ’course, some o’ it is just lazy rehashing o’ images imprinted on my mind with questionable relevance: the youngest child being clearly heavily based on my consciously-created character nasrin ( i should note that i don’t e’en remember if the youngest child doesn’t share any other features, like hair color, with nasrin, nor that they use “they” as a pronoun instead o’ “e”: i just didn’t want to make up similarities that didn’t necessarily exist in my dreams ), the infinite expanse being inspired by anthology of the killer architecture, the prominence o’ the city in the 3rd episode probably inspired by my constant travels to seattle, the seemingly arbitrary focus on collecting things to “win” in episodes 1 & 3 being inspired by my fixation on collectathon video games, — they strikingly run on logic that only makes sense in video games, despite ostensibly not being a video game itself — & the focus on a loner exploring strange environs, also a fixation o’ mine.

¿Remember Saliva? They did that song “Click Click Boom” & the album Every Six Seconds, which apparently went platinum. While not as popularly hated as the big nu-metal lolpigs like Limp Dick, Staind Boxer Shorts, or since their recent crashout brought them back to attention, Trapt Being Fascist Edgelords for Scraps o’ Attention, there are quite a few people who’ve memed on them, & my main rival in meming ’bout 2000s rock, Rocked’s “Regretting the Past”, covered the aforementioned Every Six Seconds.

I, howe’er, will not be covering that album, but what is apparently their least-selling album, Cinco Diablo, which, as this post’s title says, is just Spanish gibberish that translates to “5 Devil” & which no Spanish-speaking person says — which is why Google searches for that term just show this album or some sandwich — ’cause it sounds dumb as hell. Yes, that’s right: we’re digging e’en deeper than Rocked & going after the bottom o’ the bottom o’ the barrel.

¿Why did I pick this album? Where, I’ll just reveal how the sausage is made & give you my 3 ( nonbinding ) guidelines I follow when deciding what albums to review:

1. Ideally, Rocked hasn’t already covered it in “Regretting the Past”
2. Ideally, it’s not something that e’eryone on the internet talks ’bout
3. Ideally, it’s something I actually listened to in the 2000s & for which I harbor some nostalgia/embarrassment

While Every Six Seconds only fits 1 o’ those 3 criteria, unfortunately, Cinco Diablo fits all 3. I remember I stumbled ’pon this album @ my local library where I checked out albums instead o’ buying them, ’cause ’twas too broke & cheap & lol on the idea o’ e’en high school me paying money for fucking Saliva, & checked it out ’cause I remember this band as the “Click Click Boom” “Your Disease” — I actually preferred that song as a teen — band. I haven’t thought ’bout this album much since then beyond seeing it sometimes when digging thru my ol’ MP3s.

1. Family Reunion

¿Where do I e’en start? I love how the singer, Josey Scott, sings all tough & badass, but covers up his filthy mouth by saying “motherlovin’”. For all the flack they get for their goofy emo lyrics, Linkin Park were able to avoid swearing on their 1st 2 albums without anyone really noticing, ’cause they didn’t have to resort to words like “motherlovin’”, but for Saliva that would’ve taken actual creativity, so let’s just replace common profanities with substitutes your grandma would say instead for no reason.

Add to that the fact that this song is yet ’nother “let me make a big deal ’bout how I’m singing a song as the topic o’ the song itself”, clearly made to get crowds going in concerts, with Josey telling the audience to “sit back while i wrestle this microphone” — yeah, you show that microphone who’s tough. This song also sounds like the most halfassed attempt @ cultlike emotional manipulation o’ trying to pretend your crowd o’ randos are a “family” having a “reunion” & how them all coming together to watch a C-list nu-metal band sing 1 o’ their least successful singles will “make you feel all right” & make you “forget the world’s confusion”.

But forget the lyrics… That chorus… If you made the wise decision to avoid partaking o’ this song into your ears yourself, imagine a high-pitched squealing voice singing some hoedown-type ditty: “’cause here we come agiiiiiiiin / everybody get all your friiiiiiiiiiends”. People who are used to my reviews will note that I am by no means a full-on hipster: I’ve defended songs by Nickelback. Hell, I kinda like “Click Click Boom” & “Your Disease” in all their goofiness. So it says something when I, who grew up listening to this crap on the radio thruout the 2000s, wonder to myself how they e’er let this on the radio. I don’t e’en have anything to say ’bout the guitars & drums other than that they’re there, I guess.

Grade: F

2. My Own Worst Enemy

Believe it or not, this was a song I willingly listened to — & off the radio, too — back in high school, & possibly e’en burned to a CD from a CD I checked out from the library. In a world where I knew o’ far less music than I know now & now have @ the tip o’ my fingers much better music than the slop I’d happily take from mainstream radio, when I could tolerate any song with heavy drums, chugga-chugga riffing, & a man growling o’er it, I guess I could see myself liking this in the background.

&, you know, e’eryone hates on Josey Scott’s nasally voice, but I don’t think it’s always terrible. I think he does fine when singing the prechorus in this song. I mean, the lyrics are vague trash ’bout how “you” ( which guess is the protagonist, since he’s calling himself his own worse enemy ) made him bleed & killed his dreams. ¿What dreams? ¿What the hell are you talking ’bout?

But his singing gets much worse in the chorus proper, where he enunciates “you’re gonna be dead & gowan” in such a goofy way, &, as if mocking the listener begging for a reprieve from the sound o’ ass — & I think that’s a humble request IMO — the music becomes quieter & you get to hear him much mo’ clearly enunciate that “life goes owan”. As this album promised, this is, indeed, diabolical.

I should add that the rest o’ this song’s lyrics are no better: “i’m outta control”, “i sold my soul”, “i dig this hole”, “abomination”, “hesitation”, “revelation”, “devastation”. People oft say AI generated something when they call something low-effort slop, but I actually think AI would’ve made better lyrics.

Grade: D

3. Best of Me

See, this song isn’t so bad. I kinda like the somewhat menacing way Josey sings the verses, only to burst into thoughtless shouting ’bout how he’s bending & breaking. Howe’er, we get a sharp turn into balladlike crooning just afterward, “out of the best of me / you took everything”, which e’en a mental breakdown couldn’t ’scuse. E’en the music isn’t too bad, especially the way it builds from the weird chants @ the beginning.

Grade: C

4. How Could You?

¿How could you follow that decent song with this lame-ass nu-metal ballad? Ugh, the twinkling plunking guitar strings starting with possibly the most cliché post-grunge phrase e’er, “i’m addicted to [every single thing] you [do]”, only to build into melodramatic bombast during the chorus.

Just read these poetic chorus lines:

¿how could you cheat on me?
then turn your back on me
you told me all the lies
& hypnotized & I believed

Yes, Josey, if she successfully hypnotized you then, by definition, she made you believe — that’s how hypnotizing someone works. Pure lyrical filler.

¿What is with nu-metal & post-grunge bands & being unable to do e’en the bare minimum o’ not just stating outright what kind o’ song you’re writing? This is why people shit their pants @ Deftones making the most basic o’ abstract imagery: ’cause it’s legitimately shocking to see baseline competent lyricism in a genre where it’s OK to just write, “that bitch cucked me with my friend / now this is the end”, which I’m pretty sure is a real Theory of a Dead Man song.

Grade: F

5. Hunt You Down

A bunch o’ generic riffs, a pause, & then, “¡HUUUUUAGGGHHH!”. Brilliant.

But it doesn’t stop there. Next we get Josey in his squeaky voice valley-girl-rapping ’bout how “i am the master of this game / & everybody knows my name” & how “you have thrown the gauntlet down” & how he’s the “one who wears the crown” & how “when you chose to raise your hand / that’s when a boy messed with a man”. This sounds like shit a sword collector on YouTube would write. But then he ends the chorus by growling, “i will always hunt you DOOOOOOWWWWN…”.

This song sounds like ass with its sputtering drums & weird beep in the background during the verses & basic guitar chugging during the choruses… But it does make me laugh, so I’ll save it from a F grade with an emoji grade:

Grade: 👑

6. Judgment Day

OK, this is where e’en my high school self had too high standards to keep listening, so the rest o’ these are mo’ blurry to my memory. I can say that I’m already starting to get a headache from the thick, textureless guitar riffs that fill e’ery 1 o’ these songs, clearly falling into the philosophy that louder is better. I can only assume that if I were to look @ the wavelengths o’ these songs in Audacity they’d just show blue rectangles. The annoying chorus o’ “BANG BANG BANG / another body goes”, both hokey sing-songy & thudding, a terrible combination, doesn’t help.

Arguably, this is a better song than any o’ the previous songs, a’least lyrically, as it’s mo’ than just vague boasts ’bout how tough the singer is or whining ’bout some ex, but is instead the cliché hard rock trope o’ a song ’bout the troubles o’ soldiers in the war & how they just want to go home & raise their families. It’s something, I guess — it’s something weaker than the average song off Disturbed’s Ten Thousand Fists, which I considered 1 o’ their weaker albums, so not much. Then again, the western style matched with the description o’ desert-like weather — presumably referencing the middle east — is kind o’ an interesting mix.

Sonically, this song’s only reprieve is the weird noodly faux-southern guitar solo during the bridge.

Grade: D

7. Forever And a Day

Another shitty love ballad. ¿Why would a band named “Saliva” make so many love ballads?

The music’s what you’d expect, — a blend o’ the worst elements o’ pop moaning & tweening with stock hard rock elements for “flavor” — so I’ll focus on the lyrics, which are the worst on this album so far. You know it’s all downhill when you start with the lyrics, “the complicated ways of love / become all you’re thinking of”. Later we get an e’en better rhyme pair with “compromises” & “eyes and”.

E’en this song’s concept is stupid: “forever and a day” is both inane in itself, being no greater than just “forever”, & yet still a cliché. ¿Couldn’t you come up with something mo’ creative, like “till the day i learn to write good lyrics”? I’d argue that that would hammer in the eternity angle e’en better.

Grade: F

8. I’m Coming Back

This song’s beginning is just storebrand “Down with the Sickness”, with the bland marching drums & the whispered, “¿are you ready?”, but without all the funny stuff afterward. Instead, Josey whines ’bout some vague badness going on now like an ol’ man yelling out clouds, crying, “¿what happened to the world we grew up in? / ¿was it this serious?”. It’s all stock clichés with agonizingly corny rhymes: “road’s too long to follow”, “pain’s too much to swallow”, “seems there’s no tomorrow”. If they needed a 4th rhyming line I would bet money it’d be “feels like my time is borrowed”.

Meanwhile, the verses have the other problem o’ not e’en trying to rhyme, “rhyming” “dangerous” with “serious”, & then “serious” again, which is rhymed with “back to us”.

& then in the bridge they do the generic marching drums & “¿are you ready?” & I’m like, dude, this isn’t a hard song, stop adding this weird bravado shit ’tween whining ’bout how much pain you’re feeling. It’s like if partway thru “Crawling” Chester Bennington suddenly shouted, “¡now i’m slappin’ ya with my big dick!”, ’cept that would actually be funny & probably would’ve made that song better.

Grade: F

9. Southern Girls

¿Do I need to review a song called “Southern Girls”? ¿Do you think a song called “Southern Girls” by Saliva has any chance o’ being good? No, I don’t need to hear Josey in his valley-girl country accent jizz all o’er me with lines ’bout girls with “baby faces” ( CERTIFIED LOVERBOY CERTIFIED PEDOPHILE WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP ) & “orange knee-high hips” — hold it, ¿what the fuck does that mean? 1st, ¿why is the girl orange? 2nd… ¿“knee-high hips”? ¿DO YOU IDIOTS KNOW WHAT HIPS ARE? HIPS ARE BY DEFINITION NOT UP TO YOUR KNEE BUT WAY HIGHER. AUUUUUGGGGGHHHH.

If that kind o’ alien doesn’t turn you on, Josey also talks ’bout wanting a girl who will “milk your cow” & “climb your tree” — you know, as all the bros say when talking ’bout their lays down @ the pub: “Aw, man, she totally milked my cow, dogg”.

I refuse to listen to anymore o’ this song to hear what it sounds like, but it’s ass. You can listen to yourself & dare tell me I missed some great guitar licks somewhere or just accept that a song with the line “they can milk your cow” could have the riffs from “War Pigs” & still not make up for it.

Grade: F

10. So Long

¡Thank god!

¿Why does this song start with weird spacey electronic notes? ¿Who said to themselves they wanted fucking Saliva to do space rock but shitty? Well, good news, it ends soon & is replaced by the same generic soft riffs & crooning on all the other lame ballads — tho they do add some goofy spacey filter that makes his voice sound far away @ the start o’ the 2nd chorus for no reason.

Grade: F

Final Verdict

Tho the Hollywood Undead album was far cringier, I honestly would rather listen to it, given that it had a’least some catchy moments. This album was shockingly bad, e’en by the standards o’ what we normally listen to. I’m not surprised this album was the worst-selling Saliva album: e’en if you liked Saliva’s hits like “Click Click Boom” & “Your Disease”, hardly any o’ the songs on this album e’en match their caliber. ¿Who would listen to Every Six Seconds & think, “this band should do schmaltzy emo ballads & fake country shit”? ¿Who do you think you are, Saliva, Machine Gun Kelly?

Final Grade: F

S’posedly 2 reviewers called this band Deftones the “Radiohead of metal”. Now, I don’t know anything ’bout music beyond what my early 2000s radio stations let me listen to, so I don’t know what this “Radiohead” is or why it’s been detached from its Radiobody, but we can assume it must be cheesy & lame, given that Deftones is a nu-metal band, & e’eryone knows all nu-metal bands are silly & lame.

So we’re going to look @ their biggest album, White Pony.

1. Back to School (Mini Maggit)

We start with the greatest song Deftones has e’er made. ¡Just look @ that amazing music video!

This song, which shows off Chino Moreno’s amazing rippity rapping skills with these hard bars ’bout the street thug life in high school:

while everyone’s out trying to make the cut (what)
& when you think you know me right, i switch it up
behind the walls, smokin’ cigarettes and sippin’ vodka
i hop a fence to catch a cab, ain’t no one can stop us

Yeah, ¡cracka! ¡We be smokin’ cigs & jumping the fence to catch a cab! Paragraph to yo’ auntie.

Then in the chorus he boasts ’bout how back in school, we are the leaders o’ all. ¡Yeah! ¡Fuck being an adult! I’m going back to school to be a leader! ¡Push back that square!

Unironically, this song is musically excellent, especially thanks to those opening high-pitched noodly strings & those menacing low-tuned guitar riffs that bounce up & down thruout the verses while less low guitar noises break thru.

Grade: S

2. Feiticeira

Sadly, we don’t get any mo’ hippity hop songs & the next song is some droning song with super clear, clacking drums that’s ’bout… ¿a Brazilian woman being kidnapped?

Chino Moreno sings here from the perspective of a person who has been kidnapped. He explained on Deftones World: “It’s named after a Brazilian female, but its lyrically about a kidnapping scenario. It details a few hours of being held captive. There’s a lot of dialogue in there that was fun to write.”

That’s, um, an interesting topic to write ’bout. Glad you had fun writing ’bout it.

Tho it’s not as amazing as their previous magnum opus, this song has some great music itself, including the aforementioned super clear, clacking drums, the revving opening strings, & especially the bellowing low notes during the interlude ’tween the 1st & 2nd verses.

Grade: S

3. Digital Bath

Still doing this weird slow, droning singing instead o’ that amazing rapping from “Back to School” for some reason… O, well, this song’s all right with its beautiful imagery o’… ¿somebody leading a girl into a bathtub & murdering her by electrocution by throwing a toaster in it & then standing her corpse up & dressing it? OK, Deftones, ¿what the fuck? Real talk: ’tween these 2 songs & that album cover leering down @ a woman’s cleavage, this band are starting to sound like those weird edgy incels that women avoid in school. ¡You’re not going to be leaders back in school like that, Deftones! Ironically, the fact that this song is so much better written than the average misogynist nu-metal song — & there are a lot — with its strong imagery & detail contrasted gainst the average nu-metal bands’ generic, abstract word salads makes it sound worse.

& for a song with such imagery, ¿who the fuck decided to make the music video just trite footage o’ them playing on stage, them screwing around in their tour bus, crowds cheering, a few scraps o’ unclear imagery — I think there’s 1 shot o’ a bubbling bathtub — &… ¿a custodian mopping the floor? We really needed that clip. Good o’ Deftones to show some support for the underappreciated blue-collar worker, I guess.

Anyway, despite all those flaws, this is a very nice-sounding song, especially its opening smoky whistle noises, more o’ those super clear drums, & those moody notes. I might e’en go far ’nough to say that the bizarre droning singing that goes from tired to loud moaning works well for a bizarre song ’bout killing a woman with a toaster in a bathtub.

Grade: S

4. Elite

I was going to criticize this song as a forgettable banger where the singer just keeps shouting in his whispry voice — ¿where is that rapping, Chino? You’re wasting your Eminem-like skills, man — with a clunky, repetitive melody in both singing & playing, mixed up only with unimpressive filter effects that make the singer sound like an alien. But then I read the lyrics, which are impossible to hear thru Chino’s singing, & they’re amazing: any song with lyrics that go, “stop parading your angles / ¿confused? you’ll know when you’re ripe”, deserves an S in my book. He’s right: people should stop parading their angles; angles aren’t special — e’eryone’s got ’em, folks.

Grade: S

5. Rx Queen

I was going to joke ’bout how I think Deftones is like Radiohead in that they just pull random lyrics out o’ a hat to sound deep, which is how we get lines like, “we’ll stop to rest on the moon”; but to be fair, other than that & most o’ the lyrics from the previous song, this song’s lyrics actually serve a clever metaphor o’ parasitical insects stinging another, killing it for sustenance, for a toxic relationship involving drugs, which fits well with the wasplike low drone o’ this song & the title o’ this song — presumably referring to his girlfriend. I know this song is still falling into the “dead girl syndrome” trope o’ cheap dark drama, but a’least this is a mo’ relatable problem, not just the singer out o’ nowhere coming up with the idea o’ women being kidnapped in Brazil or electrocuted in a bath tub. Plus, this time the song mostly works in abstract metaphors, & this time to the song’s benefit. So, sure, have ’nother S. ¿Why not?

Grade: S

6. Street Carp

Ah, now here we go; now we’re on familiar territory: a man whining ’bout his bitchy ex-wife.

Actually, being 100% honest, this song kinda blows ass. The way Chino sings, “ohhhh, well, here’s my new aaadrehhhhs / ¡6! ¡6! ¡4! ohhhhhh, I forgehhhhht”, sounds so terrible it actually impresses me. Like, you have to be very creative to come up with something so sonically toxic. Meanwhile, the singing & music are just repetitive, bland versions o’ what’s done better on other songs & the opening, where we have grinding guitars filtered thru what sounds like Game Boy Advance speakers & a sudden, “¡nyaaaaaah!”, is just goofy as hell. “It’s not that I care”, indeed. But this song makes me laugh, it has a funny name like “Street Carp”, which Genius tells me is probably this song’s protagonist calling his ex a ho bag, &, most importantly, I have already settled on my joke o’ giving e’ery song on this album as S rank for the memes, so here ya go.

Grade: S

7. Teenager

Not gonna lie: considering how creepy & weird this band has been ’bout women, I felt dread when I saw a song called “Teenagers” that I’d get a good ol’ fashioned Beatles-type “well, she was just 17…”. Luckily, in this case, the protagonist is also a teenager, & this is probably the least creepy song Deftones has e’er wrote ’bout a woman.

I’m a sucker for record player texture — which is why my hipster ass has a vinyl record player & such classics as 3 Three Days Grace albums, Korn’s Issues, & 311’s greatest hits on vinyl — as well as the weird alien sucking noises near the end & those soft drum beats, so have ’nother S.

Grade: S

8. Knife Prty

¿What does Chino have to say ’bout this song?

I made up this fake scenario of some kind of underworld society of knives, people who just get off on these erotic fantasies…or something like that. An ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ kind of thing.

OK, sure, yeah. ¿Does e’ery song need to be ’bout sex, tho? Like, you could just have the “underworld society of knives” without the sex & not make it weird.

Also, you have this weird-ass premise, ¿but you couldn’t come up with a better chorus than, “go get your knife, go get your knife”? ¿& why couldn’t you spell “knife” correctly in the title? ¿Did your “I” key on your keyboard fail to fire like mine keeps doing?

I do kind o’ like the muffled guitar notes that show up @ the beginning & keep coming back, but nothing else is all that interesting. I guess some woman is singing mo’ than halfway thru the song ’cause some woman happened to be singing in the next room. Yeah, that sounds like the reason this random part o’ the song is here.

Unfortunately, I can’t hear the lines, “’cause in here, we are all anemic”, which I’m sure are super deep &, uh, deep, but I can’t hear that line without hearing that e’en mo’ fantastic line from Young Thug: “i’m like i’m anemic too / a Neiman Marcus shoppperrrrr”. & by, “unfortunately”, I mean, “unfortunately, I have to give you an S grade for that”.

Grade: S

9. Korea

The only interesting part o’ this song is that we finally learn the reason this album is called White Pony: it’s cocaine. It’s too bad this is the least interesting song on this album, talking ’bout doing drugs & partying. It doesn’t sound bad, mind you: it has the same crisp production with sharp drumbeats & heavy guitar riffs; I’m just saying, if I had to remove a song, it’d have been this & not “Back to School (Mini Maggit)”.

I mean, e’en the title has no relevance:

While the album was released in 2000, Deftones have not toured South Korea until 2009. Unless they traveled there within that era, the title of the song seems to be unrelated.

Bro, ¿how do you name an entire song “Korea” & not tour in a’least 1 o’ them for nearly a decade? Unless this band did tour in North Korea, which would be pretty bad ass & would immediately merit an S grade, but also hard to believe, I’m afraid I can’t in good conscience give this song an S grade, so I’ll just give it a South Korean flag emoji instead:

Grade: 🇰🇷

10. Passenger

I’ve heard a lot o’ people lavishly praise on this song, presumably ’cause it features Maynard James Keenan, lead singer o’ Tool, e’ery hipster’s favorite prog-metal band, & A Perfect Circle, the band that people list when they want to be e’en mo’ hipster, & the guy whose name I always mix up with the economist John Maynard Keynes. I think it’s all right, I guess. Genius says, “this slow-burning ballad is rife with metaphorical imagery and atmospheric musical arrangements”, ¿& who am I to argue with them? I’ll tell you who I am: J. J. W. Mezun, certified nu-metal specialist. I don’t really see much metaphorical imagery in this song’s lyrics, which mostly seems to describe parts o’ the inside o’ a car mo’ than anything. I also don’t see what’s so atmospheric ’bout the repetitive “nuh-nuh-nuh nuh nuh” riffs thruout most o’ this song, broken off by the sparse, seemingly arrhythmic drum beats ’hind the verses. I do kind o’ like Keenan’s vocal performance on the choruses, I guess. I also find it funny that the Genius note assumes this song is ’bout people having sex in a car, ’cause presumably e’ery Deftones song needs to be ’bout weird sex.

But if e’eryone else is saying this song is amazing, I must be wrong, so here’s ’nother S:

Grade: S

11. Change (In the House of Flies)

You know, it’s ironic that the labels apparently pushed Deftones into making a new song that eventually became their magnum opus, “Back to School (Mini Maggit)”, ’cause this album s’posedly had no hits ( my apologies for the eye-searing white text on red background ), only for this other song to become a far mo’ iconic & successful hit for them. As amazing as “Back to School” is, this song truly defines this band, with its iconic opening notes, ghostly wind sounds, & following foreboding drums, followed by a perishing voice calling out, “i watched you chaaaaange”. Best o’ all, this song takes a break from this album’s typical thematic obsessions with sex & violence gainst women — a’least I think it does — & instead focuses on the classic literary trope o’ someone transforming into an insect like Gregor Samsa. There’s not much imagery to this song’s lyrics — or many lyrics @ all — but that sparseness fits well with this sparse song, which, like Franz Kafka Metamorphosis, is a mystery that is mo’ ’bout what isn’t said than what is.

There. ¿See? I can be just as good a hipster lyrical analyst — I just noticed how goofy that word looks, including the word “anal” in it, as if it meant “somebody who studies rectums” — as any upper-middle-class liberal arts college cracker who won’t shut the fuck up ’bout Tame Impala.

Grade: S

12. Pink Maggit

The acceptance o’ this song by critics & not “Back to School (Mini Maggit)” is proof that critics will love any slow, dreary song, no matter how inane, as this song literally has the same goofy-ass chorus as that song, ’cept now it’s trying to sound serious when saying “pushed back the square” & “’cause back in school / we are the leader of it all” — ’cept in this song we also get some extra violence gainst women with “now that you need her, but you don’t” replaced with “now that you kneed her in the throat”.

Since we are taking these lyrics seriously now apparently, instead o’ just laughing @ their goofiness, I should add that the sentiment ’hind this song is really dumb:

The title comes from a Kool Keith song. We just thought it was some funny stuff. The song is meant to be triumphant. I’m trying to spread a little confidence. Lots of artists try to make songs for the kids who are tormented in school, telling them it’s okay to be tormented. But it’s not okay. Don’t be ridiculed. Become the leader of your surroundings. Confidence is one of the most important things in life. If you are confident, you can do whatever you want.

Chino Moreno

That’s good advice to people being bullied: “¡just stand up for yourself & stop letting yourself be bullied!” This super deep album literally ends with fucking pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps self-help bullshit. Thank you, Deftones, for the best April Fool’s joke.

All that being said… I’m a sucker for the slow build up, with Chino sounding like he’s being strangled like a squealing horse — ¿a squealing white pony? — near the end o’ the intro just to hold it back e’en mo’, only for the song to finally stop edging & finally start cumming with its blast o’ rock-hard guitar riffs that make me rock hard, similar to Tool’s “Parabol” leading into “Parabola” — & therefore turning my cock into a parabola… Wait, I don’t think that’s the right shape.

Having said that, ironically I think this song ending the album only makes it make mo’ sense for this album to start with “Back to School (Mini Maggit)”, giving this album a bookends feel that wouldn’t be there when starting with “Feiticeira”, which also doesn’t start with nearly as iconic an opening as “Back to School”.

Grade: S

Final Verdict

White Pony is a 1-o’-a-kind album, instantly recognizable but impossible to copy, with lyrics taking sharp turns on e’ery song, e’en if many o’ those sharp turns are kinda dumb. ¿But does it have an angsty song ’bout The Wizard of Oz? Because it doesn’t, I’m afraid it doesn’t quite meet an S grade, but will have to settle for a, “白子🐎”.

Final Grade: 白子🐎