I was going to continue writing ’bout liberal tears o’er Hairpiece’s victory–god, I still refuse to believe that wasn’t a psychedelic hallucination last night–but lost interest after I literally had to restart my computer ’cause Daily Kos’s website is such utter fucking sluggish trash. Seriously, ¿you truly hope to be for the working class when someone with a Core i5 with 4GB RAM can’t fucking handle your websites? ¿With what kind o’ scripting sludge & multimedia muck did your pretentious clown o’ a web designer clog your website?

(God damn it, now Naked Kapitalism is doing it. I love these dumbass fucking websites that continue to load shit with their god awful scripts e’en after I explicitly click the X that tells them to shut the fuck up & stop loading shit.)

But, anyway, ‘stead I somehow ran into this hilarious article:

In victory for Big Envelope, feds will mail Social Security statements

I love how laissy libs have so li’l self-awareness in their tiny bubble that they think terms like “Big Envelope” sound scary or important @ all.

O, no, now the vile feds are “wasting” 72 million a year on a convenience that, he himself seems to claim, benefits 73% o’ Americans. If this idiot actually knew anything ’bout economics, & didn’t have as his only reference a website that doesn’t e’en work, he’d know that 72 million a year is birdseed considering what the federal government spends yearly &–which is, itself, not that much, compared to most o’ the world.

But then, “Big Envelope” is much easier–ironically ’cause it’s not big @ all–to complain ’bout, ‘specially when one has no true problems in one’s life &, ‘stead, wastes time whining ’bout the most frivolous trifles rather than actual real-world tragedies.

But, O yeah, pretend like you’re truly sticking it to the man, rich guy who does nothing but whine.

“I don’t want to wake up tomorrow.”

So I didn’t.

I promised I’d bring mo’ Reddit, & I brought mo’ Reddit.

Somebody posts some seemingly innocuous thread wherein they talk ’bout some “open day” wherein the self-decribed elitist SomethingAwful forums allowed the rest o’ us poor bums too cheap to pay $10 to read the entire archives. It then immediately devolves into some purple-Kool-Aid shit, completely lacking any irony @ all:

And it gets worse: organizations affiliated with SA have been outed as CIA fronts. and the founder, Richard “Lowtax” Kyanka has admitted to multiple meetings with Obama’s security team.

Follow that link to see a generic gaming website (this 1 clearly understanding the absurdity & clearly playing it for laughs) quoting the reputable source, Glenn Beck, who is an expert in all those hip young internets, yo. Nowhere does this article quote best-capitalist-supervillain-name-e’er, Richard “Lowtax” Kyanka acknowledging this other claim–but we should just assume it’s true, since rational people assume exceptional events all the time.

Then someone proves that SomethingAwful is truly a Satanic cult through exactly 1 anonymous testimony wherein some guy claims to have been hypnotized into Hollywood psychological problems by lame memes.

Also, apparently “Lowtax” uses those $10 for a secret Swiss bank to buy mail-order brides & Aeron chairs. How the latter is a conspiracy, I’m not sure. ¡True Americans buy Eames Lounge!

There’s also the tedious shit ’bout “SJWs,” which is just the modern version o’ your cranky grandpa bitching ’bout the pinkos everywhere in this neighborhood–¡Things were better in good ol’ ’02, dang nab it!

Mo’ strange was this comment:

Aye. I think someone made a list of the usernames Quinn, Nyberg, Spacedad, AMIB and others used on SA. Should be interesting doing a search and archiving what you find.

Nothing’s mo’ interesting than random usernames. I know I always spend my weekends surfing through WordPress to see all the zany usernames people picked.

It’s par for the course when you try to investigate the SJWs on SA.

That’s vaguely creepy.

Yes, it’s important that we investigate the infamous “Spacedad”–the Che Guevara o’ our time.

O, shit, this is some GG shit. Ne’er mind. Jesus, ¿How’d you break my already-low expectations? I thought this was just some crazies coming out o’ the woodwork seeing an opportunity to come out & fuck round for shits & grins; not some superserious spy fantasy wherein James Bond stops the infamous Spacedad from shooting the earth down from his moon base with anthologies o’ Anne Sexton poetry.

by Seventh Sanctum Writing Prompt Generator

Her life is essentially the story of Dante.

It will be Thursday, the day of wanderlust.

It will be July, the month of unemployment, everyone knew that.

Torture sanity as long as you are screaming.

It will be winter, the season of infamy and howling.

She is always a woman, which was really terrible.

You can kill an airline disaster.

It will be the day of education, the day of poverty.

There is a story about how drug addiction will be like crying.

If you don’t know about the tavern, then it is time.

Courtesy o’ Free Vintage Illustrations, who are not affiliated with the rest o’ this nonsense.

& there I saw him, & there I waved to him. ¿You can’t see him there, on that star?

No, not that 1. Not tha—that 1. Yes, that there. #943,143,610,689,219,003,236, or as The Grand Almanac o’ Stars calls it, «Marissa Robertson.» ¿Can’t you see him there?

Yes, it may look tiny, but from his perspective it’s quite roomy. Yes, it’s quite bright, but from his perspective it provides ample light for books—light needed to read such tiny, & yet such complex ligaments, that comprise the letters o’ his language—a language o’ o’er a million different letters, each representing not only its own word, but also its own phrase, so that paragraphs are compressed into a few characters, & Anna Karenina fits into a slim 150-page book.

Yes, it’s daytime, & yes it’s cloudy. But the stars ne’er hide. Heathens have cast such slanders gainst the stars & their master, the Afternoon Moon, but they are wrong. They’re just not looking hard ‘nough. But the time shall come when the stars & the moon rule all, & the sinful sun shall be smitten @ last, with the moon keeping its golden light for itself, for all eternity.

¡You were WROOONG!

¡since the beginning o’ the bomb!

¡You were WROOONG!

¡for far too long!

¡You were WROOONG!

¡since the beginning o’ all time!,

¡since the beginning o’ your worthless life!

‘Cause we must celebrate Hitler’s birthday & the anniversary o’ the Columbine Massacres with the 3rd most horrific thing to e’er exist… ‘Cause we must celebrate 4/20 with something that only someone on 2 tons o’ pot could stare @ without going mad…