The Mezunian

“I don’t want to wake up tomorrow.” So I didn’t.

I promised I’d bring mo’ Reddit, & I brought mo’ Reddit. Somebody posts some seemingly innocuous thread wherein they talk ’bout some “open day” wherein the self-decribed elitist SomethingAwful forums allowed the rest o’ us poor bums too cheap to pay $10 to read the entire archives. It then immediately devolves into some purple-Kool-Aid shit, […]

by Seventh Sanctum Writing Prompt Generator Her life is essentially the story of Dante. It will be Thursday, the day of wanderlust. It will be July, the month of unemployment, everyone knew that. Torture sanity as long as you are screaming. It will be winter, the season of infamy and howling. She is always a […]

Courtesy o’ Free Vintage Illustrations, who are not affiliated with the rest o’ this nonsense. & there I saw him, & there I waved to him. ¿You can’t see him there, on that star? No, not that 1. Not tha—that 1. Yes, that there. #943,143,610,689,219,003,236, or as The Grand Almanac o’ Stars calls it, «Marissa […]

¡You were WROOONG! ¡since the beginning o’ the bomb! ¡You were WROOONG! ¡for far too long! ¡You were WROOONG! ¡since the beginning o’ all time!, ¡since the beginning o’ your worthless life!

‘Cause we must celebrate Hitler’s birthday & the anniversary o’ the Columbine Massacres with the 3rd most horrific thing to e’er exist… ‘Cause we must celebrate 4/20 with something that only someone on 2 tons o’ pot could stare @ without going mad…

The Song that Describes the Essence o’ my Heart

I met Dr. Jekyll (BA-THUMP), & he wasn’t much better than Mr. Hyde. He’s not such a rebel (BA-THUMP), e’en when he’s trying to hide ‘hind his crooked disguise; but he makes me tremble (BA-THUMP), he makes me cry in fright the whole god damn night. He is just a devil (BA-THUMP); maybe that’s why […]

A Marxist & an Austrian-schooler walk into a bar, & after chugging 20 KG o’ ale, the Austrian goes to use the loo for an hour. ‘Pon coming out, he holds a glass o’ urine & says to the Marxist, “I’ve spent an hour laboring to create this pee. Since it clearly has labor, you […]

It’s the cream in your cup, it’s the feather in your cap, it’s the dice in your hands, it’s the flab in your pan, it’s the color o’ leaves, it’s the holes in cartoon cheese, it’s your knees’ bees, it’s crease in your jeans, it’s the tingling in your knickers, it’s the warning before every […]