I think it’s time we take another look @ our friends, Breaking Benjamin. This time I’ve chosen their 1st LP, Saturate, for 2 reasons: 1, it gets less attention than their other albums, & 2, it has 1 song in particular that I’ve been dying to write ’bout. Hopefully the rest o’ the album gives me something to talk ’bout, too.

1. Wish I May

O, man, you know a song is hardcore when it starts with a scream.

Well, I’ll say 1 thing ’bout this song: Ben does a good job o’ sounding drunk on this song, with the way he slurs his speech & the tipsy way he says the incoherent line, “we left this land of shiny lights”. That’s not a snide “compliment”, either: this song is really ’bout alcoholism, so it fits.

Unfortunately, otherwise, this song sounds very generic, especially compared to the kind o’ songs they would write on this same subject thruout, say, the album Dear Agony, & doesn’t have the kind o’ cheese I’m looking for.

Grade: C

2. Medicate

This song’s an OK banger, but also not as good as a lot o’ the stuff they’d do later, & doesn’t have anything that stands out as either unironically good or good, either. ¿Did I make a mistake choosing this album? I do kinda like the menacing way Ben sings the verses; & while the lyrics are generic, the chorus is mildly catchy.

Grade: C

3. Polyamorous

the day has come to an end
the sun is over my head

¿What? ¿How?

Honestly, given how many anti-romance songs in these kind o’ early 2000s angsty genres like nu-metal & post-grunge blame it on the the significant other for being vaguely bitchy, it’s somewhat refreshing see a song that blames the protagonist for being a cheating douche. I also like the play on the title “polyamorous” sounding poetic & romantic itself while just being ’bout how the singer can’t control himself from sleeping around, which fits with this song’s lyrics involving the protagonist trying to justify & minimize the consequences o’ said sleeping around, repeating in the chorus, “I ne’er hurt anyone”. I also find it funny that this angsty anti-romance song starts & ends with Ben shouting in his raspy voice, “¡let’s go!”, like he’s ’bout to get the club going.

I also appreciate this music video’s set design for having the band play in what looks like a giant bath tub.

Grade: B

4. Skin

I always thought this song was ’bout becoming an ol’ has-been — a funny topic for your 1st major album, but 1 with which I, as someone who has dedicated an article e’ery month or so to waxing nostalgically ’bout ol’ nu-metal albums, can relate; but taking a closer look — or just reading the Genius annotations — & it seems this is ’bout Ben dumping some woman ’cause he thinks she’s gotten ol’ & he’s gotten bored o’ her. That’s kind o’ funny, too, I guess, especially with the catchy, poppy way he sings it. ¡& it is, indeed, catchy! I can’t help singing ’long, “”cause you’re old, & battered & beateeeeen…”, & especially the very throaty way he sings, “& we’ll throw” afterward.

Grade: A

5. Natural Life

I swear e’ery line o’ this song is a different cliché & Ben sounds bored singing, “your natural life, you’re born, you die”, in a nah, nah, nah, nah fashion. I do like the cannon shots during the bridge, like this is the 1812 Overture, tho it doesn’t fit this song @ all.

Grade: D

6. Next to Nothing

This song has, unironically, some o’ Ben’s best singing, especially during the 1st verse when he says, “you know I’ll always be around”. It’s too bad that lyrics & music are pretty meh. I guess the chorus is kind o’ catchy, in a poppy way. ¿Is it too late to switch this out for Phobia? I think I’d actually have mo’ to say ’bout that album.

Grade: C

7. Water

¿What the hell is this song? I don’t e’en remember this song. You’d think I’d remember a song with the mysterious title, “Water”.

¿what’s all this talk of emotion?
i’d rather drink from the ocean

¡Ha, ha! ¡Those are amazing lines to open with! That’s some “you were wrong, since the beginning o’ the bomb” type rhyming just to rhyme there, & I live for it.

Actually, I’ve come to like this song ’bout Ben arguing with a bottle o’ booze, specially the imagery o’ alcoholism being like an anthropomorphic bottle o’ booze holding someone’s head underwater; & realizing that’s what this song is ’bout, the 1st 2 lines e’en make sense now. I also like the choppy, foreboding sound to this song, which has a drowning-like sound to it.

Grade: A

8. Home

¡Here’s the song I was looking for! This song is a treasure & I will fight to my dying breath for it to be put in the registry o’ nu-metal songs worth meming ’bout: take Ben’s angsty perishing singing but mix it with lyrics ’bout, I shit you not, The Wizard of Oz. If you haven’t listened to any o’ these songs, ¡you have to listen to this song! This jabroni legit sings “& I’m gonna get you & your li’l dog, too” like this is a song ’bout his wife dying. If you’re too cowardly to sing ’long to the bridge —

in the black & the white
a technicolor life
then another arrived
¡it’s a cowardly lion!

— with as much dramatis as Ben does in this song, you are a fucking beta. ¡I said it!

I think this song is s’posed to be metaphorical, but you can’t go indepth into the lore o’ The Wizard of Oz as these lyrics do ’bout an “a man made of tin with an oil-can grin” when your song is s’posed to be ’bout something deeper.

I should also note that this “music video” isn’t official in the slightest — ¡but it should be!

Grade: S

9. Phase

In case you think Ben’s done trolling, we follow that masterpiece with what starts out sounding like Breaking Benjamin attempting a cover o’ “DK Island Swing” from Donkey Kong Country. But, you know: it actually works with this song, whose subject manner is interesting: it’s ’bout hypochondria & having several phobias & how people tell you — or you tell yourself — that it’s “just a phase”; such wild fear does fit with a jungle-like sound.

Grade: A

10. No Games

You heard Ben: he’s not fucking around anymo’. This game is o’er & he’s mean & older. Granted, the soothing croon in which he sings this doesn’t convey much meanness…

Hold on: ¿how does he end the chorus?

& i bend to your will
i’ve fellated myself

i dunno, that sounds like a pretty common game men play to me. &, yes, he does sing that last line with the urgency he sang, “& your li’l dog, too”. I’m not going to waste any time talking ’bout petty things like how this song sounds: you get an automatic S rank for that.

Grade: S

11. Sugarcoat

I love how his lines ’bout how he’ll “never know your sugarcoat” paired with “suck on your lies till your eyes turn red” imply he’s jealous ’cause she’s sucking some other guy’s dick in secret while he can’t e’en get a taste o’ that Wet Ass Pussy™. I ne’er realized how, um… mo’ vulgar this earlier album is ( then again, this is the band that made “Topless” for Phobia ).

Musically, I do like the contrast o’ the acoustic strings & soft singing in the verses gainst the banging riffs, beats, & screaming o’ the chorus.

Grade: B

12. Shallow Bay

¿Another song ’bout Ben being thirsty? ¡Finish up before getting in the booth, Ben! That’s just common courtesy. Especially when you hurt your chances with whoe’er this theoretical woman is with, “i don’t think you want to fuck with me”, sung with his voice crackling out weakly, which is certainly a sonic choice. I think the lines ’bout him “float[ing] upon a shallow bay” hint that the protagonist o’ this song is s’posed to be a pathetic drunk, so the irony is probably intentional.

During the few couple years that Breaking Benjamin were a band, the band would close the setlist with this song, with frontman Ben Burnley dedicating the song to “all you Shallow Bay-ers out there.”

Genius

That just makes my interpretation e’en funnier: “¡Here’s for all you drunk fuck bois out in the crowd! — ¡you know who you are! ¡You’re in your mid 30s & @ a god damn Breaking Benjamin concert!”.

Grade: C

13. Forever

This is just the song they put on during the end credits ’cause they know nobody’s going to sit there & read them all. I can take a cue: it’s time for me to leave this movie theater.

Grade: D

Final Verdict

¿Would you believe me if I said my opinion o’ this album actually improved on this listen? The lyrics were mo’ interesting than I remember, as are some o’ the musical choices. Granted, this mainly applies to the latter half; the 1st half was pretty forgettable.

Final Grade: C

¿what the hell is this? ¿donuts are illegal now? ¡this isn’t the america trump promised me!

I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before in 1 o’ these installments, but Linkin Park is 1 o’ the few nu-metal bands that people generally consider to not be embarrassing anymo’, which, to be cynically blunt, has a lot to do with the lead singer’s suicide — let’s be real: if it hadn’t happened, half o’ these posers out there would still be meming ’bout the crawling that was occurring inside his skin. I am the exception, ’course: I was defending them long before, as I defend bands that still haven’t become appreciated like classic Three Days Grace — but not that latest single they released with the original singer back in the band: that song like o’erproduced trash & I have no idea what they did to poor Adam Gontier’s voice.

Anyway, it’s 2024 & Linkin Park recently released their 1st album since Bennington’s passing with a new singer, Emily Armstrong. Said singer has some controversy surrounding Scientology & supporting or seeming to support that guy from That 70s Show who was sentenced to 30 years in jail for rape. It seems e’ery nu metal band needs to have some member doing something cringe, whether it be signing IDF missiles, bitching ’bout not being able to buy Dr. Seuss books on ebay & WAP for making a better song than his band will e’er make, participating in that shitty Nostalgia Critic review ’bout The Wall, & the billions o’ stupid things that guy from Trapt said, so unfortunately, I can’t only review the albums by innocent people like Papa Roach, who I know have ne’er done anything wrong in their life, & it’s not like me talking ’bout any o’ these albums is glowing recommendations to give them money. As a dirty commie, I don’t believe in giving money to anyone: that’s your money; hoard that shit like the gnomes do.

1. From Zero (Intro)

Linkin Park oft starts albums with throw’way intro tracks, going all the way back to Meteora starting with sounds o’ throwing shit around for some reason. I ne’er understood it as a kid & I still don’t now. This 1 is probably the weakest o’ them all: half o’ it is generic chanting & then the rest is some background clip o’ who I assume is the new lead singer trying to figure out why the album is named “From Zero”. ¿Who cares? ¿Does anyone know why the 2nd album is called “Meteora” or what that e’en means? In the past 20 years o’ that album’s existence I’ve ne’er heard anyone ask why, ’cause nobody cares: it sounds cool, that’s why.

Grade: F

2. The Emptiness Machine

The 1st single comes surprisingly right out the gate on this album. I like the calm way the song starts with low piano notes, muffled drum beats, & Mike Shinoda’s melodic singing, contrasted with the mo’ bombastic 2nd verse introducing the new lead singer, Emily Armstrong.

Not surprisingly, the Genius annotations are full o’ theorizing ’bout this song’s vague lyrics ’bout the vague “you” being nothing but critical o’ the protagonists & how they just “want to be part o’ something”, &, yeah, that could be the case… but Linkin Park has been writing ’bout this kind o’ stuff from the beginning — just compare to the lyrics o’ “Numb”, which, if it had come out on this album, would get the same theorizing, with lines ’bout feeling numb ( ’cause o’ the loss o’ Chester Bennington ) or struggling with the feeling o’ being “put under the pressure of walking in your shoes” — yeah, imagine the implications o’ Armstrong singing that line. Seriously, try out this game with all kinds o’ songs like “Papercut” or “Somewhere I Belong”.

In short, unless a line really sticks out, I’m not going to put much thought into it & treat it as the same abstract angst they’ve been writing since Hybrid Theory.

Grade: A

3. Cut the Bridge

I’m not so fond o’ the chorus for this song, which just sounds like melody-less shouting, which is too bad, as I do like the menacing way Armstrong sings the prechorus, which stands out much mo’. I must say that I’m happy Linkin Park didn’t try to make Armstrong sing like Bennington but allowed her to sing in her own style.

I know I mentioned I wasn’t going to focus on lyrics much, but this is different. ¿What the hell are with the verses Mike be spittin’?

& I can’t even tell if you’ve been tellin’ me a lie
every time you start it’s like the 4th day of July
reckless like you’re makin’ rockets just to blow up in the sky

1st, maybe this isn’t Shinoda’s fault, but I can’t hear a rhyme o’ “lie” & “July” without hearing that wack bar from Drake in “Slime You Out”: “July, that’s when I found out you lied”. 2nd… ¿What is this metaphor? ¿Shooting off fireworks on the 4th o’ July, a day for setting off fireworks, is the most “reckless” example you could think of? I guess it’s creative, a’least.

& then that’s followed by, “feelin’ like it’s chemical, all under my skin like it’s medical”, which doesn’t e’en make sense: ¿how is something being under someone’s skin inherently “medical”? I’ve ne’er thought Mike Shinoda was Nas or anything, but this kind o’ lyrical-spherical whiteboy nu-metal rapping is mo’ on the level o’ a Jacoby Shaddix.

Grade: D

4. Heavy Is the Crown

All right, here’s a much better song. While I wouldn’t consider the lyrics brilliant, they’re much better than “Cut the Bridge”’s, as is Shinoda’s flow, especially the subtle twists to the rhythm done @ the beginning o’ the 2nd verse. I also find the line @ the end o’ the prechorus, “’cause I’m tired of explaining what the joke is”, a genuinely clever twist on that cliché line that I’ve ne’er heard used in the context o’ what sounds like a failing relationship.

But the best part o’ this song is the opening mix o’ electronic symphony & electric guitar which sounds like what you’d find in 1 o’ the best songs o’ Meteora.

Grade: A

5. Over Each Over

But this song is less interesting — not quite as bad as “Cut the Bridge”, but not interesting. Honestly, it sounds like a lot o’ the generic post-grunge stuff I’d hear on the radio station literally just called “The Rock” @ the end o’ when I still listened to the radio, with the o’erproduced electronic loudness that doesn’t seem to know what tone it wants to portray & the way Armstrong o’ersings e’erything. Also, the constant refrain o’ “over each other” gets kind o’ grating.

Also, I swear the background talk noise clip @ the end where Mike Shinoda tells Emily Armstrong to “get her screaming pants on” is the worst thing I’ve e’er heard on a Linkin Park album.

Grade: D

6. Casualty

There are some vocal flourishes I like in this song — especially Mike Shinoda’s raspy singing, which I’ve ne’er heard on any other album before — & the slight back & forth the 2 singers had in the prechorus — tho I wish there was more o’ that. I also like a few o’ the record scratches; but for the most part the music just sounds like walls o’ heavy riffs & this song is clearly trying too hard to be the “heavy” song on the album without much else inspiration. While I appreciate the desire to add variety, it comes off as Linkin Park failing to play to their strengths & failing to bring what this kind o’ genre brings better. If I want this kind o’ wall o’ yelling & riffing, I’d rather stick with Lamb of God, who have mo’ rhythm & riff variation.

Grade: C

7. Overflow

Whereas the other songs that deviated from Linkin Park’s older sound sounded mo’ like pale, watered-down imitations of other styles, this song’s deviation sounds much mo’ creative & unique — with the exception o’ the main light tone in the background, which sounds kind o’ like the main notes to “Crawling”; but given that’s the only thing ’bout this song that sounds similar to that song, it’s actually mo’ interesting that they made the callback, if ’twas intentional. Mike Shinoda’s rapping sounds much mo’ modern than his usual ol’ school Run-DMC flow & fits the ethereal tone o’ this song; same with Armstrong’s dour singing on the chorus.

Grade: A

8. Two Faced

This is a Hybrid Theory style banger with plenty o’ catchy hooks, including the great idea o’ having the verses & choruses break into 2 catchy hooks each. In fact, it perhaps sounds a bit too much like Hybrid Theory, with the bridge sounding very similar to the famous “¡SHUT UP WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU!” bridge o’ “One Step Closer”. Granted, Armstrong does a great job with her version, especially with the various ways she whispers, “I can’t hear myself think” early on. & I’m a sucker for any song that ends with record scratching whilin’ out — it’s been too long since Mr. Hahn, who is truly the best member o’ the group, got to work his magic again.

Grade: B

9. Stained

While most o’ this album sounds like nostalgic throwbacks to noughties nu-metal, this song sounds like a throwback to 2010s “indie” electronic rock, including the millennial whoas. ¿Has it been long enough for those to go from being a hated cliché to fond nostalgic memory? Eh, as goofy as it is, it is kinda catchy. This song’s all right.

Grade: B

10. IGYEIH

Musically, this is very middle-o’-the-road — a “Runaway”, you could say. If you ask me, “¿What the hell is ‘Runaway’? ¿You mean the Kanye West song?”, that answers your question: it’s the Hybrid Theory song you don’t remember. I guess there is that weird squeaky sound in the background sometimes. It’s kind o’ annoying, tho, so I’d hardly consider it a +.

Lyrically, this song is mixed. There are some lines I would actually call pretty good, like the good ol’ emo line, “I write all the memories down all over my skin”, which is a metaphor I’m surprised I haven’t heard before ( for tattoos, yes; cutting oneself, no ); but then we get goofy-ass lines like, “The clock keeps ticking, the rules aren’t written” — ¿what rules? ¿what the fuck are you talking ’bout? — or “I give you everything I have, all you give me is your ugliness”. O, no, don’t give me your ugliness. & while “Forgotten doesn’t mean that it’s forgiven this time” is a relatively clever line, unfortunately I haven’t forgotten you used that same line on the previous song.

Grade: C

11. Good Things Go

For most o’ the song I didn’t have anything to say ’bout this song, ’twas so middle-o’-the-road, but then the bridge came on & Mike decided to rap like some mediocre modern rapper who for some reason making sounds like, “eh” & “oh” ’tween lines sounds cool. He should’ve gone all the way & made those weird sounds that mumble rappers always did, like, “¡brrrrddddup!” or “¡shoo shoo!”. That’s the new kind o’ nu-metal we’ve been needing all this time: mumble rap metal.

But, yeah, otherwise this is a very tepid sad song with standard low notes, ’cept for maybe the crescendoing melody @ the end o’ the chorus being somewhat catchy, only to be ruined by the lame lyrics, “sometimes bad things take the place where good things go”.

Grade: C

Final Verdict

E’en tho I’ve come across as somewhat dismissive in some o’ these song reviews, o’erall this album is better than I would’ve expected, especially given the circumstances. Since their 1st 2 classic albums Linkin Park has struggled to evolve, sometimes with disappointing results that seem to be tied too closely to trends, sometimes with interesting surprises. This album is probably Linkin Park doing their best balance o’ hearkening back to their ol’ sound while still sounding distinct itself & not sounding too much like a sad self bootleg. It’s pretty far from my favorite o’ their albums, but not @ the bottom, either.

In fact, I’d say my biggest complaint ’bout this album is its cover, with its random pink bubbling liquid o’er some random surface, which reminds me too much o’ Metallica’s Load album cover with blood & semen mixed together — no, I’m not exaggerating: that’s really what it is.

Final Grade: B

deep in my precambrian tunnels i have heard rumors that someone claiming to be “president” is claiming to have renamed the “gulf of mexico” into the “gulf of america”. as all my readers know, the only valid elections are those in which the englesist magical socialism party wins, in which the only true president is 1 J. J. W. Mezun & the true name o’ this gulf is the “gulf o’ mezunian”. all you readers know too much & will be taken out shortly. have a pleasant last remaining minutes.

Like with Disturbed’s Believe, I don’t think anyone e’en remembers that this album, Papa Roach’s sophomore — unless you count their weird primordial albums like the EP Old Friends from Young Years or whate’er the hell Potatoes for Christmas was — album, lovehatetragedy — which, to its credit, was ahead o’ the pack by implementing the hipster all-lowercase, no spaces, style that many hipster indie rock bands like “lovelytheband” would use in the 2010s — after their big breakout hit Infest with classics like “Last Resort” & the song whose background music was used in the online classic, “Ram Ranch”, e’er existed. Like a surprising lot o’ nu-metal bands, Papa Roach saw the writing on the wall early & ditched nu-metal & whiteboy gangster rapping for… some sort o’ vague alt rock. It’s not surprising nobody remembers this album, as it doesn’t stick in the mind. I have some nostalgia for this album, & always liked its warm, moody guitar work as a kid, — what the zoomzooms would call “vibes” — but it’s mo’ an album you would listen to in the background while sleeping than something you’d actually pay attention to. It’s telling that I’m only learning ’bout much o’ the lyrics today as I review this, since I clearly ne’er gave a shit ’bout them as a kid.

There’s no good reason for me to be reviewing this album’s songs other than morbid curiosity @ trying to see if I can find something to say ’bout it. If you’re looking for funny memes, I’d move on. Only read these reviews if you, too, are morbidly curious to see opinions on an album that nobody else has e’er cared ’bout ’cause, seriously, ¿who the hell else is wasting their time doing a track-by-track review o’ the sophomore album by the “cut my life into pieces” band?

1. M-80 (Explosive Energy Movement)

This album starts with a standard banger that ne’er stuck with me. It’s not bad or cringe, but it’s also not funny or particularly memorable, specially if you start listening to better alt rock bands. I think my biggest problem with this song is Jacoby’s trying so hard to talk ’bout how “filthy” & “nasty” & “dirty” — so much that he says that word twice in the same line — he is, but the song sounds so clean & polished. Most o’ the lines are very generic or outright perplexing. ¿What is “demented as the night is long” mean? Nights are not always long — hell, in some places @ certain times, it’s daytime all day.

Also, rock songs talking ’bout rock itself — specially when you use the full phrase “rock ’n roll” like you’re a boomer — is cringe unless you’re ACDC.

Grade: D

2. Life is a Bullet

This song is a better picture o’ this album’s general sound: a dour song with dour downtuned guitars & generic lyrics with generic metaphors ’bout life: in this case life being a bullet — I guess ’cause life is mean, or something. It’s neither the best nor worst song. It exists.

I will say, tho, I do kind o’ like the line, “you caused the fire, now fuck the flame”; not because it means anything or anything: I just find the imagery o’ someone trying to go cock 1st into a flame like that dude did to the pie in American Pie funny.

Genius commentators clearly disagree, howe’er, as someone wrote an entire thesis paper on this song’s deep — like Jacoby’s speech, deep like the sea — meaning with references to, I shit you not, ol’ philosophers like, um… “Socrates Plato”, which is actually 2 different people. I mean, Plato did appropriate much o’ Socrates’ work, since Socrates was too lazy to write anything down, but still:

The song explains the forces that subject us to the brutality of our society, which does not care about you or me.
He could explain everything, the fire, and how our inaccurate perception of reality facilitates the brutality, but nobody is going to listen because our minds have been shut down, regardless of the pain we see in others and ourselves daily. Fuck the flame, separate our souls from our body, the goal of every philosopher, from Socrates Plato and beyond.
Life is a bullet, the experiences we face prove it, not our identity. Identity is a trick in which our creation of, is imposed on us for the soul purpose of developing a platform which can be exposed, by easily tearing of our fronts, spilling out what we conceal, as vulnerable individuals. This is what divides us into easily controlled segments of society.

Genius

Grade C

3. Time and Time Again

This music video is the “Pepsi version”, whate’er that means. The main difference is that they censor “pills”, ’cause we wouldn’t want kids to go taking too many Flintstone vitamins ’cause Daddy Roach told ’em to. Look out, guys: I just took my daily prescribed antianxiety meds. ¡’Cause I’m a reckless, I’m a reckless god damn son o’ a bitch! ’Course, committing various traffic violations & endangering road safety ’cause you’re too distracted jamming out to this sick beat is fine to show. I do like how they have a black guy — a nerdy black guy with glasses & a nasally voice — cosign these crackers’ hard rappin’ by telling them to TURN THAT SHIT UP only for them to turn it up so loud his glasses break — ¡O shit!

Anyway, I guess the verses have a better balance o’ having that rhythm o’ rapping but without sounding like a gangster wannabe, tho the chorus is bland. But then we get lines like “emotional swords slash my soul”, which… I dunno, man. I feel like giving your metaphorical noun an adjective that it’s s’posed to represent is cheating, like Super Scribblenauts players who just add the word “invincible” to e’erything, specially when that adjective is as broad as “emotional”. You could replace “sword” & “slash” with anything & it’d work as well: “emotional guns shoot my soul”, “emotional fists punch my soul”, etc. I guess there’s some alliteration.

I once read in a review I read decades ago that this song was apparently ’bout the lead singer’s dog dying, but can’t find any mention o’ this tidbit on Genius.com. In fact, Genius.com doesn’t say shit ’bout most o’ these songs ’cept the previous 1 — almost as if I’m the only person on earth who gives the slightest shred ( & as these reviews show, it’s a very slight shred ) o’ a shit ’bout this album. Also, the lyrics seem to be mo’ ’bout a breakup, so I think the review was making it up. Honestly, being ’bout their dog dying would’ve made it mo’ interesting. Maybe the reviewer got this idea from the song starting with Jacoby howling “¡OW! ¡OW!” like a dog @ the beginning.

Grade: C

4. Walking Through Barbed Wire

This is a much better banger than “M-80” whate’er ’twas called, with those rusty guitar riffs. Also, there’s a’least some imagery here with the whole “walking through barbed wire” thing… tho it’s a pretty cliché symbol, & the rest o’ the metaphors & similes filling this song are similarly trite, including outright stale figures o’ speech like “kissing death” & “walking tall like trees”.

Grade: B

5. Decompression Period

Honestly, this gets a much higher grade than probably all the other songs only ’cause “decompression” acting as both a metaphor for letting out one’s frustration & sounding like “depression” is probably the only legit clever wordplay Papa Roach has e’er done.

& as a ballad it’s not that bad, probably ’cause oddly for Papa Roach it’s not that bombastic or full o’ too much cheese. Granted there are a lot o’ trite phrasing & repetitive lyrics, but for a song as depressed as this it kind o’ fits. There are much, much better songs that do this same thing, but look @ where our standards are. Plus, I kind o’ like how the song gradually builds energy. That cheap trick always gets me.

The aforementioned review also claimed this song was ’bout some inner band turmoil, with the reviewer e’en joking ’bout this song being Jacoby singing ’bout how he didn’t want to hang out with his band anymo’. Like with “Time and Time Again”, I can no longer find any hint o’ this idea anywhere else, so this reviewer could’ve just made up this interpretation, too.

Speaking o’ out-o’-nowhere interpretations, here’s what Genius has to say ’bout the seemingly innocuous line, “& I need some space…”:

Metes and bounds is a system or method of describing land, real property or real estate. The system has been used in England for many centuries, and is still used there in the definition of general boundaries.

Set those boundaries wisely. People’re bound to explode.

Well, I’ve certainly become a genius with these enlightening words o’ wisdom that have been shared to me.

Grade: B

6. Born with Nothing, Die with Everything

Yup, ’nother banger, better than “M-80”, but not as good as “Walking Through Barbed Wire”, or whate’er that song was called. I have to say, @ this point I’ve come to kinda appreciate the weird mechanical warmth o’ the guitar thruout this album, which works better for a mo’ banal song like this than, say, “M-80”, which is trying to be a big blast up the ass, but was just, eh.

After Genius’s fount o’ knowledge before, you may be wondering, ¿what have these historians discovered ’hind the arcane words, “People wake up & sing along”? Well wonder no mo’:

When people sing along they do it because they have or want to have that same mind state illustrated in the song

Thank you, Explain-O-Bot 4000™ for that thorough explanation on how the flesh creatures operate.

Grade: B

7. She Loves Me Not

’Nother example o’ Papa Roach’s terrible choices for singles. I know it’d be silly to get all hipster when talking ’bout Papa Roach, but this is a bit too poppy for a band like Papa Roach, who can’t really pull off great pop, specially with the same generic, broad lyrics as e’erywhere else in this album. The return o’ the rippity rapping doesn’t help: when Jacoby’s rapping worked — if we allow ourselves to entertain the idea that it e’er worked — ’twas giving off this groddy, scuzzy feel. That was why they were called “Papa Roach”. Now this album has none o’ that, which makes the name “Papa Roach” not fit well here. For as much as people rag on how bad rap metal is, I can tell you, rap alt rock is a far worse idea.

But the lyrics here aren’t just broad, but flat-out terrible. E’en by Roach standards, the raps make Thousand Year Krutch sound like Linkin Park in comparison; not only are there 2 lines that rhyme “¿What’s the deal, girl?” & “Tearing up each other’s world”, which is trite as all hell, but then these are followed by, “We should be in harmony, boy & girl”, rhyming with the 1st word again! I know there aren’t a lot o’ good words that rhyme with “girl”; but none o’ these lines were good, anyway, so just throw them all out. & yet none o’ the other lines are much better.

The verses are arguably worse, as they are sung in such a clunky, stop-&-go way as if a robot is trying to describe heart break, with lines in stiff perfect trochee like “WILL this BE an AMPuTAtion” or clinical lines like “this situation leads to agitation”. Yes, romantic turmoil does in fact lead to some sort o’ “agitation”. There’s particularly nasty — & not in a good way — enjambment with the lines, “but I hesitate / to tell her I hate / this relationship…”; & after that awkward rhyme in the middle o’ a sentence, the verse gives up on rhyming or e’en following the meter & just sputters out, “I want out today this is o’er”.

Grade: F

8. Singular Indestructible Droid

This is the best song in this album. Actually, in complete contrast to the sentiment I gave in the previous review, this song kind o’ blends the best elements o’ Infest & this album, having the mad science elements that sort o’ showed up on songs like “Dead Cell”, but much less cringe & replacing rapping with a mo’ effective droidlike monotone singing, with the cleaner, but mechanical-sounding guitar work. I particularly like the guttural BUH-BUH BUH-BUH. Granted, I’m not sure how I feel ’bout the weird chanting & village drums in the background. I guess the droid is attacking the village.

Grade A

9. Black Clouds

’Nother song where the monotone delivery, bland lyrics, & clean but downtuned guitar fit, since, like “Decompression Period”, it’s just ’bout being depressed. For background music songs, this 1 is 1 o’ the best on this album. Just don’t pay too much attention to the lyrics unless you like the kind o’ trite emo poetry with such similes as “tears fall like rain” & “pain strikes like lightning”. O well: this song is thematically coherent, sticking to its bad weather metaphor thruout; that’s a lyrical accomplishment for this band.

Grade B

10. Code of Energy

In contrast to the previous song’s coherency, this song is a mess that doesn’t know what tone it wants to give, jumping from announced verses, sudden shouts o’ the song title ’tween only the 2nd verse & chorus, &, in contrast, the chorus being the most monotone part, while after some amping during the bridge, there’s this bizarre spoken-word section where Jacoby in some mad scientist voice babbles some trite sci-fi shit. You’d think I’d like it, but it’s not weird ’nough to be interesting, & this song doesn’t have the energy that “Dead Cell” & “Singular Indestructible Droid” had.

Grade C

11. lovehatetragedy

We end with the worst song on the album, the title track, a song with a kooky mix o’ a lullaby-like but loud verses followed by an annoying nursery-rhyme-like chorus going “traaageeeedeeee”, & then the 2nd chorus is followed by sudden clanging announcing & shouting, & then this perishing, higher-pitch version o’ “traaageeedeee”, & then after the final chorus we get 1 final “¡TRAGEDEDE! ¡TRAGEDEDE!”. E’erything sounds so thudding & loud but not exciting, specially when this song is s’posed to be ’bout love, but with lyrics as awkward & generic that it, like “She Loves Me Not”, altogether sounds like it’s from the perspective o’ a robot who has only briefly heard rumors o’ this “love” thing. Only by reading the linear notes today have I realized that apparently there’s a war that brought the singer & some other person together, but that’s ’cause it’s briefly hinted @ in 2 lines, while most o’ the song is just repeating the word “tragedy” o’er & o’er.

Grade F

Bonus: 12. Gouge Away

¡Wow, this song’s very good! ¡It’s amazing how Jacoby’s lyricism totally improved so much, with lyrics that have that creative & mysterious imagery that early alt rock bands were known for!

O, wait, that’s ’cause this is a cover o’ a Pixies song. It’s certainly a competent rendition, — no Wes Scantlin squeeling out “About a Girl” like a dying donkey or MGK belting out “Arials” like a 10-year-ol’ angry that his mom took ’way his Switch energy. Granted, Jacoby tries a bit too hard while singing this song: a big point o’ this song, & the Pixies in general, is their mo’ laid-back vibe. This rendition doesn’t stray too far from that, — they could’ve done far worse — but it does lack some o’ the charm o’ the original. For instance, Jacoby’s plainer “doo-doo-doos” aren’t nearly as good as CMKTIV’s warm hums.

Grade B

Bonus: 13. Never Said It

I only reviewed the bonus songs so I could make the jokes ’bout the Pixies cover, but by doing so, I feel obligated to also review the other bonus song, since it’d be weird to just review 1 o’ the 2 bonus songs ’stead o’ either neither or both. All I can say ’bout this song is that it certainly exists.

Grade C

Final Verdict

Save for 2 terrible songs, I still stand by this being a solid album to listen to in the background. Tho not as memorable or interesting as Infest, it’s mo’ listenable unironically — tho it’s not nearly as good as Disturbed’s Believe.

Final Grade: C

To make up for this low-key review, I promise I will do Papa Roach’s far crazier Potatoes for Christmas — I swear that’s a real album — next December.

10. W3 The Pool of Rain – Gray

This treasure focuses on a unique gimmick: stakes in the lake that rise when other stakes are ground-pounded, creating puzzles where you have to figure out how to arrange the stakes so that you can reach the next cliff, or in the middle section, to reach the gray key up in the middle.

It’s a very linear, straightforward treasure: you just go right, only going up & left a bit for the gray key, with the chest down a ladder in the last cliff. But the unique gimmick makes up for it, & having a linear path is refreshing once in a while in a game that mostly has mo’ labyrinthine layouts, & the twist for the key where you have to solve 2 different puzzles with the same stake setup is interesting ’nough.

Continue reading @ Level Rankings.com…

( as an american… ¡fuck! )

so, like, i guess they call it the sophomore slump
always crying & always drunk
a few dead, more gone, & the rest, well, on their way

( ¡thanks! ¡i hate it! )

– “Cigarette Ahegao”, Penelope Scott

I don’t e’en know what to say. The rightful kings have taken back their crown from the Russian Communist Party & asserted that, no, nobody loses better than the US Democratic Party. ¡E’en some rando named Allan Lichtman with his eldritch 13 Keys o’ Solomon to the White House failed to predict this outcome with his crystal ball!

Scrawling thru the comments sections o’ places like /r/politics & Daily Kos & Wonkette articles, it’s perturbing how liberals have responded to this upset that is apparently shocking, e’en tho polls have been showing this election as neck-&-neck with an easy possibility o’ consistently spilling ’cross many swing states for years. People had been pessimistic ’bout Harris’s chances for months before they suddenly decided ’twas in the bag, which I accurately predicted was a repeat o’ the 2016 euphoria — but this time without the polls to e’en back it up. I mean, part o’ me can understand: polls have been weird & suspicious for years & are o’erly reliant on assumptions that change too quickly &, despite the “Just World Fallacy” being a well-known logical fallacy, it’s natural to assume that the woman who had no major campaign errors & gainst which Republicans could say nothing beyond calling her laugh weird would win gainst the guy who devolved into babbling ’bout immigrants eating cats & dogs & holding a Madison Square Garden rally deliberately reminiscent o’ the infamous 1939 Nazi rallies & had infamously attempted a coup & had been spewing totalitarian rhetoric for years now. But the US voting public have been smashing incompetency expectations a’least since they elected Cowboy Ronnie Reagan: you’d think liberals would be used to it by now.

But most perturbing was how all these so-called liberals were so quick to eerily evoke The Onion’s joke ’bout rushing to find what minority group to scapegoat & bragging with sociopathic glee how fun it’ll be to see minority groups suffer the consequences o’ a Trump presidency as punishment for certain bunches o’ minorities voting for Trump, like Texan Latinos — ’cause Texas going blue was really on the cards.

( The latter is under the article, “The Coming Death of Hispanic-Owned Businesses” ).

This, ’course, includes mocking Muslims whose family might’ve been annihilated in Gaza in the most edgelord fashion:

That being said, I do like the person who replied with the ol’ saying, “Scratch a ( fake ) liberal, a fascist bleeds”:

As one would expect, these belligerent unhinged rants you’d expect from Republicans has not encouraged people to be mo’ supportive to the Democratic Party, but has done the opposite:

Just a reminder that “centrists” & “moderates” can be just as unhinged as the left & the right: that the “Horseshoe Theory” is outdated, replaced by the “Fork Theory”.

The irony is that minority groups have been experiencing this shit fore’er; — just look @ the immigration cages built under Obama or the destruction o’ Gaza happening under the Biden administration — the main change with Trumpian fascism is that now white liberals are @ risk, & that is why these white liberals are reacting with such alarm when before they were a lot mo’ calm when the violence was attacking groups o’ which they were not a part ( &, spoilers, we will see these people jumping to sacrifice minority groups to save their own skins soon ’nough ). They’re not wrong that it’s irrational to vote gainst Trump, since minorities do get less harm under the Democrats; but given how fast they are to hate on entire groups for what some members did, while giving themselves as individuals that are part o’ the white race that supported Trump the most, gives away how fake their concern was for nonwhites. It also reveals that none o’ these crackers know any progressive Latinos or Muslims in the real world that they care ’bout, as if they did I can’t imagine that they’d lump them in with those statistics they read; it’s clear that those statistics they read is all Latinos & Muslims are to them.

Now, I expect this kind o’ edgelordism from Reddit, the place that birthed us such cultural accomplishments as the “incel”, but I expected better from the comments o’, say, The Wonkette, especially since the General Secretary o’ the Communist Party o’ The Wonkette Schoenkopt herself wrote 1 o’ the mo’ sober & empathetic articles ’bout the Great American Disaster o’ 2024:

That said, as a proud Seattlite, I do stand by the commenter with what I think is an Arle icon who said, “CASCADIA FOREVER!”, as well as Daily Kos’s call for a west-coast succession — tho I think we should let the northeast join, too.

E’en AOC, the only cool politico, had to take time out o’ leaving comments on Donkey Kong 64 speedruns — ’cause she’s the only politician brave enough to appreciate that game’s genius — to tell these idiots to calm down.

I’m disturbed ( ¡in the house we’re droppin’ plates! ) that someone as cynical as I think these people are being way too nihilistic & misanthropic & it makes me skeptical that any kind o’ political improvement will happen when e’eryone is starting to agree on antisocial nihilism. After all, nobody can do that better than Trump; no Democrat is e’er going to beat him on that, & I’m not sure what use having Democrats who are better than Trump @ that would be. I can understand the tendency to fall into the idea, “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em”, but we must remember that that “’em” is fascists. If one has given up all hope on any reason or goodwill coming from the majority e’er, no matter what Democrats or people on the left do or say, I don’t see how spitting bile on vague lumps o’ people will improve that — & let’s be clear here, these posters aren’t e’en being funny or charismatic when they do so, which is why I have been elected President o’ Political Satire for Life & they are just randos on ancient blogs. ( ¿Who the fuck writes a diary on Daily Kos anymo’? Have some self-respect & get a WordPress account for chrissakes ). The only logical routes to go from there would be to put one’s hope on some kind o’ benign technocratic oligarchy — & I’ve seen no one support this, especially any scientists who could be credible ’nough to lead that technocracy, e’en if we could somehow assure ourselves that they wouldn’t become corrupted & exploit their power for gain — or giving up on politics entirely & just going back to playing video games & watching YouTube videos. Certainly these people would’ve been better served doing so immediately after these election results. If one still supports democracy & still cares ’bout any form o’ progressivism — & if the latter isn’t true, one has no reason to be complaining ’bout the current results — then one has no choice but to put hope on there existing some way out there to make progressive policies electable.

Which is not to say that people haven’t been offering up all matter o’ pet theories for why Harris failed, none o’ which are backed by hard data, & many o’ which are contradictory. Here’s a list o’ ideas I’ve seen:

• Harris should’ve been mo’ left-wing
• Harris should’ve been less left-wing
• Harris should’ve fought back mo’ gainst Israel to avoid losing Muslim voters
• Harris should’ve fought back less gainst Israel to avoid losing Jewish voters
• The Democrats shouldn’t have called Trump & Republicans fascists
• The Democrats should’ve put mo’ emphasis on how fascist Trump & Republicans are

& the solutions that actually would’ve made any sense would’ve been impossible. People complained ’bout how Biden didn’t do ’nough to deal with inflation, but don’t offer any solutions o’ what he could’ve done, ’cause hardly any o’ them have read any economics &, mo’ unnervingly, seem to think that’s irrelevant, as if reality is just what we say it is — which is a disturbingly Orwellian conclusion people on all sides are tending toward, which, no matter what side you’re on, will inevitably lead to irrationality. It’s depressing to see progressives try to offer “solutions” by just shrugging & saying, “I don’t know, I’m not a politician, these guys are — they should have a solution”. If these progressives are so sick o’ elites, ¿why are they themselves treating politicians as elites that apparently have some understanding beyond us, as if we aren’t the ones who choose them, not the other way round. I sure don’t take for granted that Biden knows mo’ ’bout economics than I do; I spent most o’ the 2020 debates getting annoyed @ all the weak statements he made, like “I am the Democratic Party”, or the statements he didn’t make ( ¿why hasn’t any Democrat made fun o’ the hypocrisy o’ Republicans being against “defund the police”, but in favor o’ defunding e’erything else, to try deconstructing antigovernment sentiments & try & make people appreciate government spending again rather than weakly going, “nuh uh”, & moving on? ¿Why haven’t Democrats turned it back around on Republicans & accused them o’ favoring “defund healthcare”? ), e’en while knowing some o’ the “smarter” things Biden could’ve said would fall flat ’cause it would go o’er voters’ heads. That’s why I’m a satirist who can freely call the majority o’ Americans morons & suffer no consequences — as President o’ Political Satire for Life o’ The Mezunian you hicks in Michigan, Wisconsin, & Pennsylvania can’t vote me out — & not a politician who has to pretend not to have disdain for these slobs. Let’s be real: the US has ne’er had genius presidents. No, not e’en Obama: he was charismatic & a great speaker, which is what a good president needs, but I bet he doesn’t e’en know what “Post-Keynesianism” is & how it differs from “New Keynesianism”, & probably doesn’t care. They have career economists who will tell them what they want to hear: that it’s impractical to decrease inflation without attacking employment & wages. ¿Who do these progressives hope will be the intellectual basis for progressive politics? It doesn’t seem to me that any o’ these progressives care: they just care ’bout any vaguely left-wing politicians elected & get mad when those politicians don’t use magic forces to make the economy good. ( Actually, they don’t e’en put much effort into pushing for politicians themselves, but mo’ whine when they get 1 they don’t 100% love ). They engage in the same anti-intellectualist wishful thinking as Trumpists; that’s the only explanation for why the American public was economically miserable under Biden but Democrats couldn’t find a solution. Maybe steady Democratic policies could’ve gradually improved things eventually; but if Democrats can’t go a single cycle without attacking Biden or Harris as garbage ’cause they’re not solving economic problems quick ’nough, ¿why would anyone expect the people who went to Trump this election to be so patient?

As my snide refrain o’ “Moderate Liberals Known for Utter Failure” indicates, I have no qualms with mocking Democrats when they don’t bother, but it’s hard to think o’ any major flaw in Harris’s campaign beyond the fact that she was a Democrat, Democrats were the incumbent, & thanks to inflation, people were mad @ the incumbents. The real world doesn’t operate on the Just World Fallacy & sometimes uneducated people vote on bullshit ’cause they don’t actually understand anything. Nothing else explains the wide turn from Biden’s massive 81-million win in 2020, after which Biden did better than any progressive expected, & did pretty much what any centrist would expect, & his low polling in 2024. & people who bet on racism & sexism — as if the racists & sexists didn’t already have a better candidate than any white male Democrat than the loudly racist & sexist Trump — are forgetting that the whole reason the Democratic Party frantically switched to Harris was ’cause o’ how low Biden’s polling was. ¿Why was Harris’s higher then? While using that rationale may make leftists feel a sense o’ catharsis gainst terrible people — as if it’s healthy for leftists to stew impotently in their nihilism — all this does is punish potential future women & possibly black candidates ( despite Obama still being 1 o’ the most popular recent Democrat candidate disproving the latter ) for indefinite cycles based on the sloppy assumption that “women are unelectable” based on 2 evidence points, both o’ which skewed in many ways. E’en if Harris were to blame for not “communicating well enough” to people who get all their politics from rightwing grifters who have an interest in making up whate’er bullshit they can gainst the Democrats ( how this is done short o’ magical mind-control technology is ne’er elucidated by these self-asserted strategists ) or for being “devoid o’ personality” or “a husk o’ a human”, in contrast to Biden, the world’s most exciting politician, who, ne’ertheless, has the record for winning the most votes o’ any US president ( & which is a suspiciously common critique gainst women candidates ), then progressives have no step to stand on for blaming the “institutional” Democrats: the progressives were all demanding Biden step aside for Harris after his amazing debate where he revealed to the world how he beat medicare; I heard not a single complaint ’bout Harris would lose the racist & sexist vote that progressives surely hold dear. Same goes for the people whining ’bout how primary votes were ignored: I heard not a single complaint about such back in July; ¿now you cowards suddenly pretend like ’twas a problem all along?

None o’ this is a strong defense for the Bidens & Harrises o’ the Democratic Party, for whom any defense or attack from me is meaningless ( making jokes, like calling Biden “Biden His Time”, is a different story, as they bring us laughter, which is very useful ). Tim Kaine isn’t reading my communist stoner blog; institutional Democrats are going to do what they decide to do & what influence this post has on them could only come thru progressives reading this. I’m bored o’ hearing progressives just whine ’bout the Democrats they hold in expectation as being on their team while doing nothing to compel Democrats to do so, as if Tim Kaine & the ilk are going to read their whines & have a change o’ heart.

But what’s weirdest ’bout this fatalism is that it’s tied to some made up permanent swing o’ general sentiments & not, you know, the threat that Trump may seize dictatorial control & end elections, period — or a’least rig them so that de facto Republicans always keep control ( I’m not convinced Trump is competent ’nough — he still can’t figure out how to get the military to not hate him, which is kind o’ important to authoritarian regimes — to be able to seize control o’ the government; Trump likes to think o’ himself as Hitler, but he is not nearly as smart ). But let’s say elections go as normal: ¿why do people keep assuming election results mean permanent swings? Anyone who has paid attention to the last few decades would notice that politics swings back & forth as people get sick o’ 1 party & swing to the other. This especially happens during midterms after a newly elected president — & considering how weak the Republican’s win was this year, especially for the house, I’m going to go far ’nough to outright call that unless Trump seriously rigs the election, Dems are taking the house in 2026. & note that despite what centrists would tell you, these swings don’t go toward the center or as fatalistic leftists would tell you go toward the right, but go outward: e’ery Democratic president since Bill Clinton has inched further to the left as Republicans have gone rightward.

To be fair, there is 1 major criticism one could make gainst the Biden administration: the fact that Trump was allowed to get ’way with 1/6 & his many threats gainst his enemies. In a sense, leftists had a reason to be apathetic ’bout a hypocritical administration that brayed so oft ’bout what a threat to democracy Trump was, but did nothing ’bout it themselves, & surely wouldn’t allow leftists to take matters into their own hands. ¿What, then, would giving Democrats another 4 years accomplish? ¿Did the Democrats expect anyone to hold out the expectation that Trump could’ve been kept out o’ the oval office fore’er by mere elections, with how inevitable party swings are in this climate? If I were to diagnose the failure o’ the Democratic party to inspire ’nough passion to get people out to vote for them, there is a very simple reason: the Democratic party are bitches. Not only leftists, but e’en an increasing # o’ formerly moderate liberals who saw that the time for moderatism is dead, were calling for Democrats to stop being bitches who kowtowed to Republicans’ hypocritical, concern-troll demands & pretended that the same government that had no problem drone-striking any US citizen with a middle-eastern name could do absolutely nothing gainst a clear domestic terrorist, despite being given so many options — the supreme court e’en essentially declared the president invincible to law. @ that point the supreme court already declared the US president a dictator; but Biden, ironically just like the foolish purity-contest leftists who couldn’t vote for Harris due to her support for Israel despite the practical uselessness o’ such a decision, decided to be a foolish purity-content liberal & “protect” liberal republicanism by refusing to use said powers himself, but keeping such an authoritarian state in place for a future would-be dictator to exploit, based on this bizarre idea that the limits o’ government are not enshrined in law, but enshrined in the populace ne’er e’er electing someone who might want to ignore the law. We saw how long that lasted. Anyone with half a brain who truly cared ’bout liberal republicanism would have reacted by exploiting said powers to eliminate said court & replace it with a court that would reinstate the rule o’ law. This was the feckless party that was s’posed to protect republicanism gainst the eternal o’ 1 Republican victory, where e’ery election was the most important election, fore’er. In such a situation, US republicanism’s collapse was already inevitable. Biden was, in fact, the perfect representation o’ the Democratic party & the perfect representation o’ the US republic: a drooling senile man minutes away from death. Plus, we must honestly ask ourselves: ¿how many Americans actually care ’bout the republic, or e’en like it? I mean, I certainly prefer it to a dictatorship; — I definitely don’t look forward to feds getting up my craw ’cause I made fun o’ Emperor Massive Dumps & don’t want to go thru the hassle o’ moving my 5 cats & 500+ books to another country — but just as leftists have been warning that people need to support something positive in the Democratic party, not just vote for “not the Republicans”, leftists & liberals don’t want just “not a dictatorship”, they want a government that is truly responsive to the needs o’ the general public. History has shown that the public is willing to throw out democracy if some charismatic strongman charlatan can convince them that his dictatorship will make the trains run on time.

Now, granted, if Trump fails to destroy our federal election systems, Democrats are open to new leadership: Biden’s obviously out, since he’s basically a potted plant now; Kamala Harris’s career is o’er & she’s be standing on the sidelines like Hilary Clinton; Nancy Pelosi’s retired from house speaker; & nobody remembers that Chuck Schumer exists. The question is, ¿will progressives actually put any effort into trying to take leadership or will they continue to whine impotently on online forums while quoting some soundbyte Bernie Sanders releases from his nursing home & fantasizing ’bout a 2016 when Sanders — the only socialist in existence — became president? You bougie-ass cosplay commies like to reference Lenin & shit; well, as some rando shouted to Lenin: “¡Take power, you son of a bitch, when it is handed to you!”.

’Course there are still some delusional fake liberals — nerdy people who support Republicans ’cause they benefit them materially, but who pretend to be liberal to avoid being associated with the buffoonery that dominates the Republican party & try to fit in with the intellectual leftists who trade their material interests ( or don’t share material interests with rich white men ) for honesty & for some reason think these leftists don’t see thru them & put on a victim complex when leftists snub them — who will spew the ol’ niceties that the Democrats are just too vicious, — you know, the same Democrats who let a domestic terrorist win an election & just make himself a dictator — like Nate Silver, a STEM-lord — & not e’en a good 1, since this so-called “math geek” couldn’t e’en learn ’nough HTML & CSS to make his own website & not rely on Substack to give him a generic site that looks like e’eryone else’s, the coward — known for election polls & being a gambling addict ( running an election gambling site that bases its odds on polls like the 1s he makes, which isn’t a conflict o’ interest @ all ) & who has the delusion that he knows anything ’bout how people think, despite having ne’er talked to anyone in real life. Now, while a normal person on planet earth would consider the presidential candidate who repeatedly talks ’bout wanting to be a dictator; talks ’bout wanting to throw people out o’ the US for having beliefs he doesn’t like, including not believing in fairy tales ’bout an invisible man in the sky whose son/self could walk on water; & uses Nazi language, like saying immigrants are “poisoning the blood of our country” to be the epitome o’ toxic, Nate Silver is mo’ concerned with Democrats being so “ruthless” as to… force Biden to give up his re-election campaign after ’twas revealed he’s a vegetable, — e’en tho Nate Silver was 1 o’ the loudest voices calling for it — not going out o’ their way to praise the supreme court for… complaining ’bout affirmative action ’cause it s’posedly hurts Asian Americans ( ¿maybe ’cause you’re the only 1 who cares ’bout this very niche, specific issue, Nate? ), & not letting trans people be excluded from sports to better facilitate gender segregation. Also, they were mean to poor tech startups, who did e’erything for Democrats, like heavily fund Republicans ( as well as Nate Silver, who is funded by Republican Peter Thiel, but is totally a liberal, guys, he just constantly concern-trolls behalf o’ Republicans like those who pay him is all ). Funny enough, he whines ’bout a bunch o’ “unpopular” progressive policies they support & s’posed slow growth o’ blue states, all uncited, & the latter irrelevant ( western countries have slower growth than Africa, so I guess Africa is much better off than the west ), but Silver can’t say what liberal policies he thinks the Democrats should support & for whom. Then again, Silver shows his amazing ignorance o’ economics & not being rich with this hilarious advice:

Doing a better job of making California and New York growth-oriented jurisdictions will naturally make Democrats seem less like a party for rich snobs who don’t mind high taxes and bad services because they’re insulated from the struggles of daily life.

Nate, as someone who actually grew up white trash working poor — e’en living in a trailer @ a certain point in high school & relying on food bank food for a while — in an urban area, let me explain to you what poverty is actually like: we don’t care ’bout high taxes ( namely ’cause “high taxes” is high taxes on rich parasites like Nate Silver, not payroll taxes, which actually affects those o’ use with real jobs ); we are excited ’bout income tax time ’cause we get money back. On the other hand, “growth-oriented” isn’t useful, as rich people just keep all that growth for themselves while wages stagnate. Also I would take the “bad services” o’ actually having buses & trains in the city o’er having to spend thousands o’ $ on a car, maintenance, & gas to travel the miles o’ empty roads filling… whate’er imaginary rural prairie Silver thinks all poor people live on ’cause he watched The Waltons, since this cracker obviously lives in a tacky gated McMansion in Silicon Valley. Please read an economics book for once, Nate.

Honestly, there are so much dumb shit I’ve stumbled ’pon on his blog, including his laughable attempt @ forming his own made-up 3-way political triangle to pretend he isn’t aligned with conservatives based on some bullshit Hayek made up & nothing else, that we would be here all day if I made fun o’ it all. It’s clear that this guy’s understanding o’ politics comes only from doomscrolling Twitter bitch fights rather than actual books, which is why he tries to psychoanalyze the political thought o’ leftists rather than actually studying any real sociology or political scientist ( for example, it explains his confusion regarding the so-called separation o’ Marxism & intersectionality — he has no idea what “class” is, thinking that race, gender, & sexuality are somehow some completely different “identities” ). I would recommend he do actual studying, but that would take effort & time & would distract from his gambling, & I don’t think he’s arguing in good faith, anyway, & as he whines, the Democrats rightfully don’t take seriously any o’ his advice ’cause e’en they think he’s too out-o’-touch. Which is to say, I want to get this article o’er with ’cause I have books I want to read, like The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich — I have no idea why I’ve suddenly developed curiosity on learning the details regarding the transition from democracy to totalitarianism — where I can learn things from people with reading actually scholarly works, not give myself brain cancer reading such eloquent articles as this bitch-ass ho whining ’cause the Big Left Cult won’t admit that they’re all involved in a conspiracy that he made up in his schizophrenic head to force woke “emotionalist” discourse on people & something something Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God. Yeah, I would be as dumb as Nate Silver if I read mind vomit like that all the time, too.

There are ’course plenty of other out-o’-touch, irrelevant Boomers & Gen-Xer centrists & Republicans pretending to be Democrats like Matt Yglesias & Morning Joe also jumping on the bandwagon that Democrats’ problem is that they’re not bigoted ’nough gainst trans people ( & aren’t taking seriously racist Republican dogwhistles ) — ’cause I’m sure being bigoted gainst trans people isn’t going to turn off e’en mo’ leftists from the Democrats & would encourage those who are comfortable with being bigoted to stop supporting the candidate for whom the main criticism is his bigotry in favor o’ this potential less-charismatic Democratic bigot. These proclamations only reveal how shallow Yglesias & Scarborough’s politics are: people with self-respect — so not these people — don’t just change their principles so they can fit in with the winning team, but work to try & make their principles win; liberals vote for Democrats on the condition that they support liberal principles; they don’t support liberal principles just ’cause they win. If liberal principles can’t win e’er, then there is no reason for the Democratic Party to exist @ all.

’Course, these people are truly conservatives bitter that the Republican Party has become the fascist party & are trying to twist the Democratic Party from a moderate liberal party into a conservative party, but that’s not going to work, ’cause conservativism is dead, as it always becomes when capitalism goes into crisis after great depressions. The same happened in the 1930s. If Silver, Yglesias & Scarborough knew any history, they’d know that it wasn’t conservatives who defeated fascism: ’twas the ( oft uneasy ) cooperation o’ socialists & liberals; conservatives by & large supported fascism, which is why the Republican Party opposed the US fighting against the Nazis. What the Silver, Yglesias, & Scarboroughs o’ the US are calling for when whining ’bout the left being too mean gainst the Republicans by calling them fascists is appeasement — & history has shown that appeasing fascists ne’er works; the only way to beat them is to crush them.

What they do show for those still in denial is how “It Can Happen to Us”: it shows how many pretend liberals can throw ’way their principles in the name o’ being on the winning team. It makes me wonder if these 3 claiming that calling hateful immigration & trans policy what they are is “extreme” & that we should compromise with fascists would say the same ’bout the kind o’ policies Germany applied gainst Jewish people, which, after all, a majority o’ Germans supported — & as Bret Stephens o’ The New York Times said, “It won’t do to dismiss a majority of the country as biased, ignorant or otherwise basely motivated”, & how many Americans Germans were trans Jewish after all. Much as Suozzi said, “I don’t want to discriminate against anybody, but I don’t think biological boys should be playing in girls’ sports”, I could just as much imagine him saying, “I don’t want to discriminate against anybody, but I don’t think Jewish people should be running German businesses”. As Scarborough said, the opposition to the Nazi Party had a choice: “[Y]ou can support transgender Jewish rights up and down all the categories where the issue comes up, or you can understand that there’s certain things that we just go too far on, that a big bulk of our population does not support”. I’m sure these people feel good ’bout themselves now; but I wouldn’t want to be them 100 years later, given how historians will remember them — if they are unlucky ’nough to be remembered. Personally, I would rather not be eternally remembered as someone who acquiesced to fascists, e’en if it means the Democrats lose some elections.

Ne’ertheless, I’m still a bitter cynic, & I still prefer this bile to USA Today writing a fanfic in which the founding fathers’ ghosts lament the death o’ the US republic with the election o’ Emperor Massive Dumps. Apparently USA Today got the misapprehension that the death o’ the US republic & the fall o’ all political norms mean the death o’ the rules gainst posting cringe. They’re wrong.

You might expect that I’d leave it @ Democrat ( & fake Democrats ) tears, since they are the ones who lost, but no: as it turns out, Republicans are mostly reacting to this win with their own brand o’ self-victimhood whining.

For instance, Trump, rather than be happy @ how lucky he is to get a 2nd chance @ being president & having his charges dropped, would rather spend time whining ’bout policies California is planning in this very coherent post on Bootleg Twitter Bootleg Twitter:

Wait, ¿so is California “beautiful” already or does it still need to be made “great again”? ¿Made great how? ¿By making it like the poorer red states?

As for reactions from ordinary people — or people/bots on Reddit, which is perhaps not quite up to the standard o’ real people — we have women deciding to go celibate for Trump’s presidency in protest to him being a sexist pedophile rapist & the predictable triggered response from incels or young men whining that they have “nothing” ’cause they have no skills & it’s “outside their control” somehow ( somehow despite being a young white working-class man myself, I’ve avoided this tragic circumstance ) & how it’s Democrats’ fault for offering nothing — except subsidized health care, student loan forgiveness, food stamps, infrastructure improvements, assistance for small businesses…

Meanwhile, ¿what’s r/conservative talking ’bout? I bet they must be excited ’bout their unexpected victory & are probably talking ’bout all the exciting ways they think Republicans will improve society for all o’ us. O, wait, no, it’s mostly just focusing on how it effects the Democratic presidential candidate or how minorities feel ’bout it — basically, just spitting bile on their “enemies”, rather than celebrating with fellow friends, as, being a political clan defined purely on beating down others, they have no friends, & probably hate each other, too — especially those who are less pure than themselves. O yeah, & multiple threads o’ conspiracy theories ’bout election fraud because 1 o’ their senate candidates didn’t win, despite already taking the senate, anyway, based purely on “this doesn’t feel right, so it must be wrong”. That’s right: these spoiled babies would rather whine ’bout not getting all the senate seats than be excited ’bout getting a trifecta. This is why you ne’er try compromising with conservatives: they are ne’er happy with what they get.

O yeah, & we have some nice protests with signs showing “WOMEN ARE PROPERTY” & “HOMO SEX IS SIN( FULLY SEXY )”, as well as signs calling slaves property & a sign quoting the Biblical book o’ Romans saying that sodomy is “WORTHY OF DEATH” — to which I agree: such cumful pleasure is worth any risk, e’en death. ( But remember: Christians are so much mo’ tolerant than those dirty Muslims who believe in the same invisible man in the sky ). &, let’s see, fans o’ the neonazi with an AI-generated face, Nick Fuentes, sending messages that say, “your body, my choice”, the incredibly clever “get back to the kitchen”, & calling for repelling the 19th amendment & racist texts being sent to a bunch o’ black people, including children. ¿Do you think the crybaby conservatives who demand intolerant leftists stop being so divisive & doing things like Biden calling Trump & his supporters “garbage” — the meanest o’ insults, if you’re a 6-year-ol’ — & that’s why they had no choice but to vote for the pedophile rapist nazi candidate criticized these people for a bad representation o’ conservatives? ¿Do you think “liberal” Nate Silver who praised Republicans as so much mo’ civil than those doctrinaire Democrats who won’t compromise on whether or not discriminating gainst trans people is acceptable so much as acknowledged such repulsive messages being sent to kids? Nope: they have no problem with it — it’s not a “bad” representative o’ Republicans; it’s an accurate representation. It’s not just what the Republicans support, but also what the Silvers, Yglesias, & Scarboroughs support, which is why they didn’t complain ’bout it.

E’en after this massive win, what will probably the height o’ Republican success & apparent validation, I don’t envy Republicans. If this is how they react when they win, it’s clear that they are just miserable, small people. Contrast when Sleepy Joe, who was a mid candidate whose greatest achievement is still playing Luigi in Mario Kart, won in 2020 the general cheer ’mong liberals & actual hopes for the future. Hell, e’en I, whose job it is to say bad things ’bout people for entertainment, was mo’ positive than these ordinary Republicans. & it’s not as if the left, women, black people, gay people, & trans people won’t survive these 4 years & find better years in the future — much better than the bitter incels who will still be miserable & lonely or e’en Trump himself, who will waste his opportunity to just create messes & whine & spew bile just as much as he did when Biden was president.

To paraphrase a song from a much better battle in 2024:

you lied about the only people who could offer you some help;
fuck an election, you’ve got a long-life battle with yourselves