I have no one to blame but myself:
Didn't take proper care o' my teeth.
	& now they've all 
		fallen out.
Can't waste the dentist's precious time
	placing them back in.
No, I must have my just desserts.
My taste buds crave them.

But thanks to me,
	now I can't eat;
		& when I can't eat,
			I get hungry.

But you don't see complaints from me;
I took my tasty medicine, yes sire!
I can take the dose.
	I must take the dose.
		If I can't take the dose,
			I must be beat.

I can't take the dose.

What am I to do?
My stomach, it scratches for sustenance...
	& all I taste is gum blood.

Gum blood doesn't taste too tangy.

I break out into the street,
	Where I meet
		the man with the sweep.
I swallow myself whole.
	& he--
		the polite fellow--
			he sweeps 'way the debris.

I told you I'd take my medicine.
& I did.

'Cause I deserved it.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Ma, can I please borrow a $?
I swear I’ll pay it back ‘ventually.
…
Just 1 mo’ $;
I swear this’ll get me on my feet.
…
I know it’s been taking a while,
but if you give me just a few mo’ $s,
I swear I can pay you back with interest ‘ventually.

Boy, it’s time you learned how to cut your losses.

PLYK!

It’s better to die laughing.
That’s why I’m always laughing.

Heheheh.

Nature, how your magnificence shall never cease;
Unlike some other woman on which I could speak.
Gaze at how the tall golden grass dances in the breeze,
How the finches flap their wings and chirp with their beaks,
How they don’t leave me for that dick John Smothers and his fancy-ass law firm.

The sun’s rays warm me like a summer blanket;
Which replace the warmth loss from that bitch who gave me the cold shoulder over one little mistake.
As if she were just perfect, the snot!
So I shall lie here all afternoon under the sun
And all night under the stars
YOU HEAR THAT, MELISSA? I DON’T NEED YOU! GOOD RIDDANCE, I SAY!
I’m perfectly fine here with nature! Couldn’t be happier!
It’s fucking magnificent!

Originally Written: March 13, 2013

How I have missed your sight, feline,
Dying on the side of the street, lying in the pines;
Your cute little eyes popped out of their holes,
Hanging from pink strands stickily attached to the inside of your skull.

Years ago I would see you on my way home,
Sticking with your flesh soldered to the road;
How I smelled your sour stench of thick iron
And gazed at the tracks upon your back the tires burned.

I have not seen you, dead cat corpse, for years;
I guess you’ve since been pried off and joined with your crushed peers.
Oh, how my late afternoons have been sad with you gone;
So to you, bloody, run-over cat corpse, I dedicate this song.

Originally Written: May 11, 2013

My rest is ravaged by nightmares, thanks to the guilt
Of the terrible deed that still makes my heart wilt.
Though I fear this may reveal me, I cannot keep this secret alone;
For if else, I shall be driven mad down to the bone.
So, if you please, listen to this story
Of how I made an innocent man deceased.

His life was placed utterly within my own hands;
To make him run and jump across these bright brown lands.
The feeling! It filled me with such an addictive buzz!
To hear the crispy electric trill whenever he jumped!
I made him bump against bricks and blocks with question-mark ticks;
I made him eat bulbous red mushrooms that made him grow big.

But soon I would learn the need to use my power responsibly,
When I saw a chestnut-shaped beast step toward my devotee.
I tried to leap away, but I could only go so far back;
And my nerves were so shot that I inevitably cracked!
I wailed as I saw the goblin bump against my friend,
But sighed in relief when I saw he had only shrunk again.
Sadly, though, this is not where the tale is finished;
For when I ran him into another monster, he was tossed off into the abyss.

At first, I was in tears at such a tragic death,
Until I learned my friend still had four more tries left!
I was pumped with such joy as I saw him return to the screen!
This time, I would not betray my devotee!
I snatched up the mushroom and grew so huge,
And battered the vile monsters till they were black and blue;
But as I made him leap from pipe to pipe with such excitement,
I slipped up a jump and made him fall into an endless abyss.

Again and again, I led my friend to harm,
As I watched his life counter decrease with alarm;
Until on his last try, success was yet again spurned,
And the screen was covered in blackness with bone-white words saying, “GAME OVER.”
That was when I dropped my controller at prompt,
And rushed to that blasted machine and shut it off.
Never again would I touch such devilish magic;
To think of what other troubles could happen!

So I sit here years later, trying to forget the tragedy,
And hope that someday society will be able to forgive me;
I try to salvage the one lesson I gained from committing this sin:
That life is not just a little game we should play with.

Originally Written: March 13, April 4, 2013.

It all started when I left my hive at 2:00 PM,
As I ventured through the weeds, grains, and stems;
Bounced around the bulbous mushroom caps of various colors;
And rode along the pollen flying in the zephyr.

My destination was the patches of New Chrysanthemum,
Where I would carry out my shift as Executive Manager of Pollination;
But I never made it that far,
Because I what I saw whilst climbing the maple bark.

There I saw in the crest between two thin branches,
Partway covered by reddening leaves with serrated edges,
‘Twas an object so bizarre, so inhuman, so absurd
That I could not even describe it with words—
Which is why I chose a medium comprised purely of words to tell this tale, of course.
Also, it was a photograph of a horse.

Well, I decided this was far too much obscenity for my stable mind;
So I climbed right back up the vine to the brines in the skies;
And as I drifted back home on my white pollen leaf,
I tried to calm my thoughts by massaging my three beaks.
“Such an evil the gods have wrought upon us all,” I did say;
It tired my brain so that I had to rest the rest o’ the day.

And that, boss, was why I couldn’t come in to work yesterday;
Such a pity, I must say.

Originally Written: May 4, 2013.

Steal Joe was a freedom-loving American,
So he did what he had to do:
He overthrew the tyrannical government,
So his economic chains could finally be eschewed.

Now he could do with his property what he desired;
Nobody would boss him around.
He charged whatever rent he concocted;
No regulations to keep him down.
After all, it was his property;
He had the right to control it all by himself.
If any of those socialist sponges had a problem
They could go away somewhere else.
If those violent thugs caused trouble,
Why, he’d have to teach them with his own might;
So he hired his own personal military
To ensure nobody violated his ownership rights.
And since this property was his,
He had the right to devise all of its rules;
So if those grumbling commies had the nerve to criticize him
He’d throw out all of those fools.
And if nobody else would take them—
For they had the rights to reject them, as well—
Why, Steal Joe would have no choice
But to lock them up in jail.

Steal Joe toasted himself to his newly-created libertarian dream:
Finally, he created an economy renowned for its efficiency.
Now, all he needed was a name for this new vision:
And so, to reward himself for his good deeds, he dubbed it Stealinism.

Originally Written: February 21-May 30, 2013.