They don’t like the taste o’ my tear-soaked beef, WHAAAR WHAAAR WHAAAR. They only want chips that crunch with shiny teeth, WHONK WHONK WHONK. I’m sick o’ that hideous beast. That dick’s like last week. It’s time to clean that which collects fleas. ¡Texting it in! ¡Texting it in! That’s what you get when you […]
You clocked you could get waves from me, but the pan came back, the pan came back with 2 pounds a back & there’s no going crack. & then John Jacob Whistlemeyer, having gotten done with his cracked reveries in his sour soup tin while ponderplating Cheerios, Good Day, Sir, wiped his nose & began […]
I fill my rucksack with pine cones & acorns, stuff closets with branches & boughs— sap so sticky, so golden under the sun— collect stacks o’ grass in pillow cases— tickling my nose with sweet dirt-filled fragrance. They try to stop me. They say I’m crazy. What’s wrong with crazies? What, are they Nazis? ‘Cause […]
Noah Smith might be in the running for the whitest white guy e’er to exist, so I’m always eager to hear his surely experienced wisdom on race issues. After misinterpreting Cornell West’s rant gainst Ta-Nahisi Coates o’er who’s indier than thou1 as being purely ’bout evil capitalism, when the very quote Smith puts in his […]
I’ve oft risked mental deterioration—e’en mo’ than what has already transpired—while perusing these money-grubbing hacks’ simplistic top-14 lists, but Problogger.net‘s so shitty it almost crashed my browser with its artery-clogging ads—the equivalent o’ having a trash can dumped onto your face. I know they’re the McDonalds o’ writing, but do they have to give my […]
Accompanying music. Soft caress against my swollen tongue, so sticky, O so sweet, smells like honeyed springtime pollen, tastes like roasted coffee beans. Friends with butter, bread, & jelly, but best friends with creamy chocolate; but just ‘lone it still fills bellies: scrape a spoon & take a long lick. In the time the pantry’s […]
What bristles me most ’bout bohemian bourgeoisie is that though they like to depict themselves as free-thinking libertarian types, their views are actually quite soulless, repressive, & bleakly conformist to the point that they remind me o’ those cheesy stepford-smile dystopias mo’ than anything else. I came to this epiphany ‘pon reading a Smashing Magazine […]
In this article, Careerealism teaches readers how to be invited to the cool kids’ table on imaginary social media that the average person doesn’t give 2 shits ’bout. This makes sense if they’re like Careerealism’s writers; if one is a hollow husk o’ vapidity & ignorance, then I can understand why one would crave other […]
Accompanying music. I know that you taste just like lemon heads or gummy worms; your bright stars with just 1 bite blow up in raspberry bursts. Drink up all your empty black, drown myself in cherry cola; don’t care if I rot with plaque— my sole hope is super nova. Then I’ve eaten all the […]
May the Invisible Hand bless Austrian-schoolers & their laughably unearned hubris. In 20141 Hunter Lewis @ the redundantly-named Against Crony Capitalism proved he had his finger on the pulse on economics by revealing the communistic secret Keynesians have been hiding from us in their dark-gray submarines: they used the “D” word. That word is not, […]
