The Mezunian

Die Positivität ist das Opium des Volkes, aber der Spott ist das Opium der Verrückten

The Joke that is “Meritorious Capitalism”

While an authentically equal economy may be perhaps Utopian[1], those from all corners o’ the Quadratic Inanity[2] who usually use this argument to bolster each o’ their own particular form o’ benign capitalism are hypocritical, for capitalism without corruption is not e’en Utopian, but flat-out logically impossible. Hence why it’s ne’er existed, while true equality […]

Posted in Politics

Lifehack’s Immensely Positive Look @ Why Some People Are Just Terminal Fucking Losers Who Should Just Kill Themselves

Through a web stroll that is now a haze to me—save its origins: an email promising me a job where I can “Mess Around on FaceBook And Twitter!” while making over 700$ a week—I stumbled ‘pon generic-brand Lifehacker known only as Lifehack, whose name only brings me images o’ those clunky pirated games like Super […]

Posted in No News Is Good News, Politics, Yuppy Tripe

The Free Will Paradox

Free will makes authoritarianism inevitable. This is due to 2 irrefutable facts o’ reality: There is only 1 reality for mo’ than 1 people,1 which must remain consistent with the multitude’s inconsistent goals. One’s actions can affect others. If multiple people have different goals for how 1 piece o’ reality should be shaped, only 1 […]

Posted in Politics

A Few Mo’ Pints from Ol’ Stones

Sorry for my lack o’ updates—as well as all o’ the poetry in crippled Spanish. The bourgeoisie have tampered with my computer so that it becomes overheated with the passion o’ the upcoming sexy revolutions, so I can’t use it as much till I get that fixed. But I have to discuss a few quality […]

Posted in No News Is Good News, Politics, Yuppy Tripe

The Competition Paradox

Mainstream views o’ competition are baffling, probably due to the paradoxical nature o’ competition—it’s self-defeating nature. What does “competitive” mean? It means that the conflict is fair. What is fair conflict? That in which the challenges to all parties are equal; & yet, the goal o’ competition is the opposite: to give oneself as many […]

Posted in Politics

Let’s Celebrate Marxmas by Crying Into Our Golden Goblets As Forbes Whiteknights the Poor Rich

In our dystopian present, where North-Korea-style economics is the norm & newspapers like Forbes have to be distributed underground to keep from being crushed by the eye o’ the Socialist Sauron that is our current World Government, a business shill @ Forbes whose last name is 1 letter ’way from “salesman” pleads, “Wherefore art thou […]

Posted in No News Is Good News, Politics

It’s Official: Noah Smith’s a Troll Economist

I’ve begun to feel bad ’bout my article mocking moderate liberals for their recent election failures, not ’cause I mocked moderate liberals—that part I still stand by—but ’cause I mocked some article wherein Noah Smith praises mainstream economists for, by his own account, fucking up the economy by being corrupt liars. Looking back, I should’ve […]

Posted in No News Is Good News, Politics

How to Stop Being an Optimistic Asshole

I. A Boring Public Service Announcement My favorite part ’bout a lot o’ “positive” people—not all o’ them, you whiny bastards I imagine might complain if anyone read this dreck—is how they oft use it as a way to mask the fact that they’re oft terrible people. This makes sense: positivity is aesthetically pleasing—to most […]

Posted in Politics, Yuppy Tripe

The Anti-Anti-Anti-Mankiw

This is probably frivolous—but then, isn’t everything I write?—but I wanted to make ’nother quick post on Mankiw & my grotesque fascination with his rhetorical philosophy, which I think shows the general counterintuitive philosophy o’ centrists: that one becomes smarter when one thinks as li’l as possible. In an admittedly-rather-ol’ post, Mankiw uses the same […]

Posted in No News Is Good News, Politics