The Mezunian

Kitty-kitty cat, you are very bad; you have blood on your whiskers, give me my arm back.

♪ O, O, O, homeless woman eating snow… ♫“Shut up, hippie!Can’t you see I’m trying to eat my Doughie-Os?I can’t eat my Doughie-Os when your moaningmakes my stomach shrank.”♪ Some kids have to eat their feet for midnight snacks… ♫“Ack! Now you’ll done did it:now my eyes & nose are full o’ liquid.I’ll ne’er get […]

La casa está sombreado en el azul frió,apoyaen los nubes de llamas rosas…que pues, fue…¿Ahora?Ahora se frotaen todos los otros colores,en el mismo negro.Pero, no ten no miedo…Volverá el día próximo.Todas veces vuelve.…Pues, a menos que se demuela por una guerra nuclear.No podemos tener todo.¿Y por qué lo querías todo en todo caso?¿Sabes que se […]

Lluvia y fumo,lluvia y niebla,hacéis el invierno frío cálido.Pues, a menos que por los sin casa,los nervios llenos de escalofríos,se están reducido pieza por piezapor el frío de la lluvia mojada.No se sentirán nada cálidoni amor ni nada bienjamás.Ahora que lo pienso,la lluvia, el fumo y la niebla son un poco pendejos.

Presenting WikiHow‘s “How to Be a Poet: 9 Steps (with Pictures” But th’most inspiring part o’ th’sunset picIs the adorable li’l watermark.

Mainstream views o’ competition are baffling, probably due to the paradoxical nature o’ competition—it’s self-defeating nature. What does “competitive” mean? It means that the conflict is fair. What is fair conflict? That in which the challenges to all parties are equal; & yet, the goal o’ competition is the opposite: to give oneself as many […]

If you’ve ever typed a single query into Google, you’ve surely seen these infest the internet: “52 Inspiring Unreadable Messes o’ Portfolios,” “2,634 Websites that Use the Color Black,” “18 Ways to Stick Your Vag or Dick in a Mailbox.” They usually use out-there #s like 17 to show how wacky & imaginative they are. […]

We all have problems, kid.

In our dystopian present, where North-Korea-style economics is the norm & newspapers like Forbes have to be distributed underground to keep from being crushed by the eye o’ the Socialist Sauron that is our current World Government, a business shill @ Forbes whose last name is 1 letter ’way from “salesman” pleads, “Wherefore art thou […]

I’ve begun to feel bad ’bout my article mocking moderate liberals for their recent election failures, not ’cause I mocked moderate liberals—that part I still stand by—but ’cause I mocked some article wherein Noah Smith praises mainstream economists for, by his own account, fucking up the economy by being corrupt liars. Looking back, I should’ve […]