The Mezunian

Die Positivität ist das Opium des Volkes, aber der Spott ist das Opium der Verrückten

Oops, I broke it again, but this time yo’ hed, not yo’ Benjamins – Nostalgic Novelty Noughties Nu-Metal

(həd)p.e., which has the weirdest punctuation o’ maybe any band name, is a criminally underrated nu-metal band, especially their classic 2000 album, Broke, which is still an absolute banger, blending in punk & mo’ believably hip hop elements than most nu-metal bands for a much wilder sound.

1. Killing Time

We start with what I think is the best song, starting with those memorable noisy notes, 1st sparsely broken up by long, awkward pauses, & then building into droning regularity. Then we get verses where the singer ironically smoothly croons in his raspy voice ’bout what a fuck up he is, laying around all day doing drugs & watching Jerry Springer, before repeating, “just killing time…”, in an eerily calm voice & then breaking out into a manic snakelike screaming during the chorus, “¡KIIIIIIIIIISSS THE WOOOORLD GOODBYYYYYYYE!”. Then in the 2nd verse we get a different singing style: now the singer is pleading excuses for his empty life. & then during the bridge we get a hammy incoherent rant that seems to vaguely references the 2012 apocalyptic theories based on ( a misinterpretation o’ ) the Mayan calendar & Christian eschatology:

i keep my eyes on the stars
that’s where i come from
belt of orion
son of a sun god
you know my name i’m a conqueror
the lion king kamehameha come
2012 come 12 tribes
come 12 strands come 12 lives
12 steps 12 months 12 motherfuckas
will all make bail kicked ’cause o’ the crowded jail
sex & violence sells
12 serial killers 12 dead without a trail or a trace
it’s prime time the fight night pay per view suicide
the bee sting butterfly

Grade: S

2. Waiting to Die

“Waiting to Die” continues the nihilist theme o’ “Killing Time”, but is, if one could believe it, e’en mo’ unhinged audibly, with the singer growling the profanity-laden verses with weird up-&-down rhythms followed by screaming @ the edge o’ his voice, “¡EVERYBODY DIES!” repeatedly. It’s not quite as interesting as “Killing Time”, but I certainly love its frantic energy.

Grade A

3. Feel Good

This is the most well-known hit from this album, probably partly thanks to the accompaniment o’ System of a Down frontman Serj Tankian adding his own unhinged energy as they both singing in what sounds like a parody o’ duet sing-alongs, singing in pleading voices how they don’t care if the sky is falling, they just want to feel good, while the verses are made up o’ deep-voiced, mainly monotone rapped verses describing how the world is falling apart much like the previous 2 songs, as well as an inner skit o’ part o’ a conversation o’ someone doing drugs & having sex, & this bizarre section where the singer just says 1-word insults o’ increasing vulgarity sparsely separated by pauses & with particularly heavy, hammy pronunciation, especially on “mothafuckaaah”.

Despite the thematic repetition from the past 2 songs, the lyrics & medley o’ styles sounds distinct, with the lyrics being an anachronistic mix o’ Biblical prophecy — mo’ somber & coherent than the rant @ the end o’ “Killing Time” — & contemporary hiphop boast talk.

In essence, this is yet ’nother crazy-ass song.

Grade S

4. Bartender

This was the other hit from this song — apparently bigger back then, as it actually has a music video. This song goes back & forth from sleazy, smooth, jazzy verses o’ the protagonist trying desperately to get with a woman in a scuzzy bar with footage o’ strippers dancing on poles & standard nu-metal shouting choruses with the typical footage o’ the band playing ’hind a wire fence in front o’ cement walls with graffiti & plenty o’ red light, whose shouts o’, “I JUST WANT YOUR COMPANY”, only emphasize the protagonist’s desperation. The bridge then slows down into a hango’er-like slow slump, repeating the beginning o’ the 1st verse, “ain’t nothin’ working / ain’t nothin’ right / there’s a hole in me that i can’t fill / no matter how hard i try”, showing how li’l the protagonist’s vying for hedonistic excess has gotten him. None o’ this revolutionary artistry, ’course, but this song’s storytelling & the way it matches the music is much mo’ competently done than most o’ the nu-metal I look @. Just compare to something like Hollywood Undead’s magnum opus, “Everywhere I Go”.

Grade: A

5. Crazy Legs

I guess this is the party song, which weirdly remixes the chorus to The Notorious B. I. G.’s “Hypnotize” as its chorus. I think this would’ve worked better coming before “Bartender” instead o’ after: it’s a weird sequence to go from a dour song ’bout the emptiness o’ hedonism to an unironic celebration o’ sex parties. The singer’s performance on the 2nd verse & especially the bridge are great, but this song does feel like 1 o’ the less memorable songs on this album that treads themes that were better done in earlier songs; it kinda just feels like a weaker version o’ the 4 songs preceding.

Grade: B

6. Pac Bell

Thankfully, that song is followed by a much mo’ different song. Yes, it’s an angsty song ’bout troubled relationships & how it’s led the protagonist to suicidal depression; but albums almost entirely dedicated to that theme are hardly rare in nu-metal. Like many o’ the other songs, it’s the singer’s performance in the verses & how he twists his voice in such a deranged way, e’en when saying something as mundane as “¿why the fuck you fucking with me?”, that makes the difference.

E’en mo’ different, howe’er, is the chorus, with its autotune-sounding emotionless singing, “we used to drive all the time”, that sounds mo’ like the kind o’ songs you’d hear in the 2010s, not anything like what I’d hear in nu-metal albums.

To add to the surrealism, this song’s title is “Pac Bell”, the title o’ an ol’ phone company that 2 years later would be bought by AT&T. It’s relevant, since this song is ’bout someone trying to call his ex, & the song does start & end with the robotic voice o’ an automatic operator asking the protagonist, “if you’d like to make a call, please hang up & try again”.

Grade: A

7. I Got You

Wait, ¿this song had a music video, but not “Feel Good”? I ne’er e’en heard o’ this song before now. Granted, listening to this song, I can imagine this song was probably played @ many concerts, as it seems particularly made for such, with the following lyrics in particular seeming to call out to people to dance:

all my people come on
choose your side
you’re a long way from home
but not alone

To be honest, this song’s doesn’t have as much as the others on this album, with much vaguer lyrics — tho I do like the line, “yeah, eat the rich / but pay me motherfucker”. But, ’gain, I just love this singer’s performance, such as the way his voice dies out a li’l in his throat when he says “afraid” in “they are afraid of you” @ the beginning o’ the 2nd verse &, ’course, the houndlike way he barks, “yeah, I got you” in the chorus.

You can most clearly hear Korn’s influence on this bad in this song, with its music-box low, dreary start to the verse & the singer’s low, raspy, menacing sing-songy voice starting, “Mmm mmm mmm mmm…”.

Grade: B

8. Boom (How You Like That)

¿This had a music video, too? ¿How did all these songs have music videos & not “Feel Good”? That must’ve been some blacksheep hit then.

This song has a couple o’ highlights. For me the best being during the bridge when the singer calls out various people to say, “¿how you like that?”, & asks whiteboys to say it & a bunch o’ super honkey voices say it. That’s pretty funny.

That said, while the song in itself is a fun banger, compared to other tracks on this album it feels less interesting, repeating the same themes, with the same vague social commentary you’d find from many lower-tier nu-metal bands like Papa Roach: “we’re so desensitized, we were raised on TV, something something, American Dream”. E’en the call out for various people to shout, “¿how you like that?” goes on too long: ¿did he really need to ask virtually e’ery city in the US? Nothing in this song is cringe a’least.

Grade: C

9. Swan Dive

I’m surprised this song got a music video; but unlike the previous 2 songs, this time I have listened to this song before & this time it’s a pleasant surprise, as I always liked this song with its jazzy verses with the protagonist poetically describing himself climbing up a building, “putting distance between I & I & the ground”, only to then shout ’bout how it’s ’cause he wants to jump off & “swan dive” into the asphalt. In a genre where suicide is typically described either abstractly or with the cliché emo imagery o’ wrist-slitting, a song with the mo’ concrete ( pun not intended ) imagery o’ the very, very brutal death o’ smashing one’s body gainst the street from several stories high is refreshing.

& then in the bridge the protagonist seems to answer — well, maybe not really answer, given how incoherent it is — why he’s suicidal with rants up @ the sky ’bout all the evils in the world, which would be trite if ’twere just him asking, “¿where is the compassion?”, but is made mo’ interesting with bizarre questions like, “tell me, ¿who can control the floods?”, hinting @ the mental disturbance going on in the protagonist’s head, amplified by the bearlike growl the singer employs when answering, “¡NO ONE!”, after each question in the 2nd half.

Grade: A

10. Stevie

( Laughs ). What a weird-ass song:

come on, I’m not deaf or dumb
I’m not little Stevie Wonder
whatever
¡No more lies!

Yes, that’s the chorus & the basis for this song being named “Stevie”. The fact that he caps that imaginative comparison with the bland, “¡No more lies!”, only adds to the absurdity.

Other than that, this is 1 o’ the mo’ middle-ground songs on this album, neither relatively strong nor weak. I do like the jazzy, smooth, & sing-songy 1st 2 verses & the particular way the singer becomes unhinged round the 2nd half o’ the 3rd verse.

Grade: B

11. Jesus (Of Nazareth)

¡✝-rock jump scare!

Actually, unlike corny bands like Thousand Foot Krutch or Skillet, with their Kroeger-brand mass-manufactured WASP evangelism with generic celebrations o’ how wicked ( ¡in a cool way! ) Jesus is & fairy tales o’, um, a psychologist convincing a couple to hold a funeral for the woman’s aborted fetus… this song is much mo’ complex: the singer doesn’t seem to really believe in Jesus, saying to the crucifix on his wall, which inspires paranoid fear rather than hope or comfort, “I can’t believe a single word that you’re saying / I see your lips moving, but nothing’s coming out”, & seems to only be turning to Jesus out o’ pure desperation. & the song ends with the singer expressing doubt that it’ll work:

they’re telling me to take my own life
breathe my last breath, eat my last meal
you got what you deserve
¿how’s that feel?

This deliberate comparison to Jesus with “eat my last meal” makes it ambiguous whether or not the protagonist is criticizing himself or criticizing Jesus, including the line earlier, “mass murder, court convicted, terroristic creature of the night”. I mean, Jesus was convicted by a court; & if Jesus is God in human flesh, there was that whole flood that killed nearly e’ery human; & I would call passover, wherein God killed the 1st-born o’ e’ery non-Jewish-person in Egypt round midnight to scare Egypt into freeing Jewish people the act o’ a “terroristic creature of the night”… I’m probably reading too much into this… Still, a’least I can do that instead o’ just making jokes ’bout Thousand Foot Krutch making a song ’bout being sorry one wasted one’s life just jerking off all the time.

While not mindblowing, I like the shifts from the eerie sparse piano notes — which sound a lot like the ones on “meet the grahams”, just so I can keep talking ’bout that year-ol’ beef — with low bass notes & tired vocals vs. the loud choruses.

Grade: A

11. The Meadow (Special Like You)

( Note: this song also has a music video, but it’s just mo’ concert playing & hanging round their tour bus & doesn’t include the whole 9-minute track ).

This is a nice song, especially with the funk notes in the background, which was not something you saw much in nu-metal. The way the singer’s voice rasps out a bit during the chorus is a nice touch.

E’en better, this song ends with some woman babbling ’bout elephants thru a fast food speaker box.

To add to the absurdity — ’cause e’en this otherwise nice ballad can’t be normal — this track’s dour ending is flipped after a pause with a secret track that’s just outtakes & goofing around. Such is the emotional complexity o’ nu-metal.

Grade: B

Final Verdict

This album unironically holds up much better than most o’ the albums I’ve looked @ in this series, blending some o’ the weirdness o’ nu-metal with much less cringe edgy elements & a much wilder less polished sound. Tho thematically it does get a bit repetitive, stylistically it has mo’ variance & does mo’ that other nu-metal bands didn’t do. It’ll probably ne’er warrant the critical acclaim o’ bands like Sevendust or Deftones; or bands I’ve ne’er heard o’ that are probably only acclaimed on Rate Your Music because they’re obscure like The Shiznit, Ikd-sj, or Stepa; or… ¿Incubus’s S.C.I.E.N.C.E., ranked as the 10th highest rated on Rate Your Music? That’s actually pretty based. I’ll definitely be talking ’bout that 1 eventually…

Anyway, I think this album should be remembered mo’, especially since it makes a better balance o’ being mo’ fun than the drearier o’ acclaimed artists while being less embarrassing than your Limp Bizkits — up there with, like, Korn, maybe.

Final Grade: A

Posted in Nostalgic Novelty Noughties Nu-Metal

Oops, I did it again: I Broke your Benjamin – Nostalgic Novelty Noughties Nu-Metal

I think it’s time we take another look @ our friends, Breaking Benjamin. This time I’ve chosen their 1st LP, Saturate, for 2 reasons: 1, it gets less attention than their other albums, & 2, it has 1 song in particular that I’ve been dying to write ’bout. Hopefully the rest o’ the album gives me something to talk ’bout, too.

1. Wish I May

O, man, you know a song is hardcore when it starts with a scream.

Well, I’ll say 1 thing ’bout this song: Ben does a good job o’ sounding drunk on this song, with the way he slurs his speech & the tipsy way he says the incoherent line, “we left this land of shiny lights”. That’s not a snide “compliment”, either: this song is really ’bout alcoholism, so it fits.

Unfortunately, otherwise, this song sounds very generic, especially compared to the kind o’ songs they would write on this same subject thruout, say, the album Dear Agony, & doesn’t have the kind o’ cheese I’m looking for.

Grade: C

2. Medicate

This song’s an OK banger, but also not as good as a lot o’ the stuff they’d do later, & doesn’t have anything that stands out as either unironically good or good, either. ¿Did I make a mistake choosing this album? I do kinda like the menacing way Ben sings the verses; & while the lyrics are generic, the chorus is mildly catchy.

Grade: C

3. Polyamorous

the day has come to an end
the sun is over my head

¿What? ¿How?

Honestly, given how many anti-romance songs in these kind o’ early 2000s angsty genres like nu-metal & post-grunge blame it on the the significant other for being vaguely bitchy, it’s somewhat refreshing see a song that blames the protagonist for being a cheating douche. I also like the play on the title “polyamorous” sounding poetic & romantic itself while just being ’bout how the singer can’t control himself from sleeping around, which fits with this song’s lyrics involving the protagonist trying to justify & minimize the consequences o’ said sleeping around, repeating in the chorus, “I ne’er hurt anyone”. I also find it funny that this angsty anti-romance song starts & ends with Ben shouting in his raspy voice, “¡let’s go!”, like he’s ’bout to get the club going.

I also appreciate this music video’s set design for having the band play in what looks like a giant bath tub.

Grade: B

4. Skin

I always thought this song was ’bout becoming an ol’ has-been — a funny topic for your 1st major album, but 1 with which I, as someone who has dedicated an article e’ery month or so to waxing nostalgically ’bout ol’ nu-metal albums, can relate; but taking a closer look — or just reading the Genius annotations — & it seems this is ’bout Ben dumping some woman ’cause he thinks she’s gotten ol’ & he’s gotten bored o’ her. That’s kind o’ funny, too, I guess, especially with the catchy, poppy way he sings it. ¡& it is, indeed, catchy! I can’t help singing ’long, “”cause you’re old, & battered & beateeeeen…”, & especially the very throaty way he sings, “& we’ll throw” afterward.

Grade: A

5. Natural Life

I swear e’ery line o’ this song is a different cliché & Ben sounds bored singing, “your natural life, you’re born, you die”, in a nah, nah, nah, nah fashion. I do like the cannon shots during the bridge, like this is the 1812 Overture, tho it doesn’t fit this song @ all.

Grade: D

6. Next to Nothing

This song has, unironically, some o’ Ben’s best singing, especially during the 1st verse when he says, “you know I’ll always be around”. It’s too bad that lyrics & music are pretty meh. I guess the chorus is kind o’ catchy, in a poppy way. ¿Is it too late to switch this out for Phobia? I think I’d actually have mo’ to say ’bout that album.

Grade: C

7. Water

¿What the hell is this song? I don’t e’en remember this song. You’d think I’d remember a song with the mysterious title, “Water”.

¿what’s all this talk of emotion?
i’d rather drink from the ocean

¡Ha, ha! ¡Those are amazing lines to open with! That’s some “you were wrong, since the beginning o’ the bomb” type rhyming just to rhyme there, & I live for it.

Actually, I’ve come to like this song ’bout Ben arguing with a bottle o’ booze, specially the imagery o’ alcoholism being like an anthropomorphic bottle o’ booze holding someone’s head underwater; & realizing that’s what this song is ’bout, the 1st 2 lines e’en make sense now. I also like the choppy, foreboding sound to this song, which has a drowning-like sound to it.

Grade: A

8. Home

¡Here’s the song I was looking for! This song is a treasure & I will fight to my dying breath for it to be put in the registry o’ nu-metal songs worth meming ’bout: take Ben’s angsty perishing singing but mix it with lyrics ’bout, I shit you not, The Wizard of Oz. If you haven’t listened to any o’ these songs, ¡you have to listen to this song! This jabroni legit sings “& I’m gonna get you & your li’l dog, too” like this is a song ’bout his wife dying. If you’re too cowardly to sing ’long to the bridge —

in the black & the white
a technicolor life
then another arrived
¡it’s a cowardly lion!

— with as much dramatis as Ben does in this song, you are a fucking beta. ¡I said it!

I think this song is s’posed to be metaphorical, but you can’t go indepth into the lore o’ The Wizard of Oz as these lyrics do ’bout an “a man made of tin with an oil-can grin” when your song is s’posed to be ’bout something deeper.

I should also note that this “music video” isn’t official in the slightest — ¡but it should be!

Grade: S

9. Phase

In case you think Ben’s done trolling, we follow that masterpiece with what starts out sounding like Breaking Benjamin attempting a cover o’ “DK Island Swing” from Donkey Kong Country. But, you know: it actually works with this song, whose subject manner is interesting: it’s ’bout hypochondria & having several phobias & how people tell you — or you tell yourself — that it’s “just a phase”; such wild fear does fit with a jungle-like sound.

Grade: A

10. No Games

You heard Ben: he’s not fucking around anymo’. This game is o’er & he’s mean & older. Granted, the soothing croon in which he sings this doesn’t convey much meanness…

Hold on: ¿how does he end the chorus?

& i bend to your will
i’ve fellated myself

i dunno, that sounds like a pretty common game men play to me. &, yes, he does sing that last line with the urgency he sang, “& your li’l dog, too”. I’m not going to waste any time talking ’bout petty things like how this song sounds: you get an automatic S rank for that.

Grade: S

11. Sugarcoat

I love how his lines ’bout how he’ll “never know your sugarcoat” paired with “suck on your lies till your eyes turn red” imply he’s jealous ’cause she’s sucking some other guy’s dick in secret while he can’t e’en get a taste o’ that Wet Ass Pussy™. I ne’er realized how, um… mo’ vulgar this earlier album is ( then again, this is the band that made “Topless” for Phobia ).

Musically, I do like the contrast o’ the acoustic strings & soft singing in the verses gainst the banging riffs, beats, & screaming o’ the chorus.

Grade: B

12. Shallow Bay

¿Another song ’bout Ben being thirsty? ¡Finish up before getting in the booth, Ben! That’s just common courtesy. Especially when you hurt your chances with whoe’er this theoretical woman is with, “i don’t think you want to fuck with me”, sung with his voice crackling out weakly, which is certainly a sonic choice. I think the lines ’bout him “float[ing] upon a shallow bay” hint that the protagonist o’ this song is s’posed to be a pathetic drunk, so the irony is probably intentional.

During the few couple years that Breaking Benjamin were a band, the band would close the setlist with this song, with frontman Ben Burnley dedicating the song to “all you Shallow Bay-ers out there.”

Genius

That just makes my interpretation e’en funnier: “¡Here’s for all you drunk fuck bois out in the crowd! — ¡you know who you are! ¡You’re in your mid 30s & @ a god damn Breaking Benjamin concert!”.

Grade: C

13. Forever

This is just the song they put on during the end credits ’cause they know nobody’s going to sit there & read them all. I can take a cue: it’s time for me to leave this movie theater.

Grade: D

Final Verdict

¿Would you believe me if I said my opinion o’ this album actually improved on this listen? The lyrics were mo’ interesting than I remember, as are some o’ the musical choices. Granted, this mainly applies to the latter half; the 1st half was pretty forgettable.

Final Grade: C

Posted in Nostalgic Novelty Noughties Nu-Metal

Let’s try out that new Linkin Park album – Nostalgic Novelty 20s Nu-Metal

I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before in 1 o’ these installments, but Linkin Park is 1 o’ the few nu-metal bands that people generally consider to not be embarrassing anymo’, which, to be cynically blunt, has a lot to do with the lead singer’s suicide — let’s be real: if it hadn’t happened, half o’ these posers out there would still be meming ’bout the crawling that was occurring inside his skin. I am the exception, ’course: I was defending them long before, as I defend bands that still haven’t become appreciated like classic Three Days Gracebut not that latest single they released with the original singer back in the band: that song like o’erproduced trash & I have no idea what they did to poor Adam Gontier’s voice.

Anyway, it’s 2024 & Linkin Park recently released their 1st album since Bennington’s passing with a new singer, Emily Armstrong. Said singer has some controversy surrounding Scientology & supporting or seeming to support that guy from That 70s Show who was sentenced to 30 years in jail for rape. It seems e’ery nu metal band needs to have some member doing something cringe, whether it be signing IDF missiles, bitching ’bout not being able to buy Dr. Seuss books on ebay & WAP for making a better song than his band will e’er make, participating in that shitty Nostalgia Critic review ’bout The Wall, & the billions o’ stupid things that guy from Trapt said, so unfortunately, I can’t only review the albums by innocent people like Papa Roach, who I know have ne’er done anything wrong in their life, & it’s not like me talking ’bout any o’ these albums is glowing recommendations to give them money. As a dirty commie, I don’t believe in giving money to anyone: that’s your money; hoard that shit like the gnomes do.

1. From Zero (Intro)

Linkin Park oft starts albums with throw’way intro tracks, going all the way back to Meteora starting with sounds o’ throwing shit around for some reason. I ne’er understood it as a kid & I still don’t now. This 1 is probably the weakest o’ them all: half o’ it is generic chanting & then the rest is some background clip o’ who I assume is the new lead singer trying to figure out why the album is named “From Zero”. ¿Who cares? ¿Does anyone know why the 2nd album is called “Meteora” or what that e’en means? In the past 20 years o’ that album’s existence I’ve ne’er heard anyone ask why, ’cause nobody cares: it sounds cool, that’s why.

Grade: F

2. The Emptiness Machine

The 1st single comes surprisingly right out the gate on this album. I like the calm way the song starts with low piano notes, muffled drum beats, & Mike Shinoda’s melodic singing, contrasted with the mo’ bombastic 2nd verse introducing the new lead singer, Emily Armstrong.

Not surprisingly, the Genius annotations are full o’ theorizing ’bout this song’s vague lyrics ’bout the vague “you” being nothing but critical o’ the protagonists & how they just “want to be part o’ something”, &, yeah, that could be the case… but Linkin Park has been writing ’bout this kind o’ stuff from the beginning — just compare to the lyrics o’ “Numb”, which, if it had come out on this album, would get the same theorizing, with lines ’bout feeling numb ( ’cause o’ the loss o’ Chester Bennington ) or struggling with the feeling o’ being “put under the pressure of walking in your shoes” — yeah, imagine the implications o’ Armstrong singing that line. Seriously, try out this game with all kinds o’ songs like “Papercut” or “Somewhere I Belong”.

In short, unless a line really sticks out, I’m not going to put much thought into it & treat it as the same abstract angst they’ve been writing since Hybrid Theory.

Grade: A

3. Cut the Bridge

I’m not so fond o’ the chorus for this song, which just sounds like melody-less shouting, which is too bad, as I do like the menacing way Armstrong sings the prechorus, which stands out much mo’. I must say that I’m happy Linkin Park didn’t try to make Armstrong sing like Bennington but allowed her to sing in her own style.

I know I mentioned I wasn’t going to focus on lyrics much, but this is different. ¿What the hell are with the verses Mike be spittin’?

& I can’t even tell if you’ve been tellin’ me a lie
every time you start it’s like the 4th day of July
reckless like you’re makin’ rockets just to blow up in the sky

1st, maybe this isn’t Shinoda’s fault, but I can’t hear a rhyme o’ “lie” & “July” without hearing that wack bar from Drake in “Slime You Out”: “July, that’s when I found out you lied”. 2nd… ¿What is this metaphor? ¿Shooting off fireworks on the 4th o’ July, a day for setting off fireworks, is the most “reckless” example you could think of? I guess it’s creative, a’least.

& then that’s followed by, “feelin’ like it’s chemical, all under my skin like it’s medical”, which doesn’t e’en make sense: ¿how is something being under someone’s skin inherently “medical”? I’ve ne’er thought Mike Shinoda was Nas or anything, but this kind o’ lyrical-spherical whiteboy nu-metal rapping is mo’ on the level o’ a Jacoby Shaddix.

Grade: D

4. Heavy Is the Crown

All right, here’s a much better song. While I wouldn’t consider the lyrics brilliant, they’re much better than “Cut the Bridge”’s, as is Shinoda’s flow, especially the subtle twists to the rhythm done @ the beginning o’ the 2nd verse. I also find the line @ the end o’ the prechorus, “’cause I’m tired of explaining what the joke is”, a genuinely clever twist on that cliché line that I’ve ne’er heard used in the context o’ what sounds like a failing relationship.

But the best part o’ this song is the opening mix o’ electronic symphony & electric guitar which sounds like what you’d find in 1 o’ the best songs o’ Meteora.

Grade: A

5. Over Each Over

But this song is less interesting — not quite as bad as “Cut the Bridge”, but not interesting. Honestly, it sounds like a lot o’ the generic post-grunge stuff I’d hear on the radio station literally just called “The Rock” @ the end o’ when I still listened to the radio, with the o’erproduced electronic loudness that doesn’t seem to know what tone it wants to portray & the way Armstrong o’ersings e’erything. Also, the constant refrain o’ “over each other” gets kind o’ grating.

Also, I swear the background talk noise clip @ the end where Mike Shinoda tells Emily Armstrong to “get her screaming pants on” is the worst thing I’ve e’er heard on a Linkin Park album.

Grade: D

6. Casualty

There are some vocal flourishes I like in this song — especially Mike Shinoda’s raspy singing, which I’ve ne’er heard on any other album before — & the slight back & forth the 2 singers had in the prechorus — tho I wish there was more o’ that. I also like a few o’ the record scratches; but for the most part the music just sounds like walls o’ heavy riffs & this song is clearly trying too hard to be the “heavy” song on the album without much else inspiration. While I appreciate the desire to add variety, it comes off as Linkin Park failing to play to their strengths & failing to bring what this kind o’ genre brings better. If I want this kind o’ wall o’ yelling & riffing, I’d rather stick with Lamb of God, who have mo’ rhythm & riff variation.

Grade: C

7. Overflow

Whereas the other songs that deviated from Linkin Park’s older sound sounded mo’ like pale, watered-down imitations of other styles, this song’s deviation sounds much mo’ creative & unique — with the exception o’ the main light tone in the background, which sounds kind o’ like the main notes to “Crawling”; but given that’s the only thing ’bout this song that sounds similar to that song, it’s actually mo’ interesting that they made the callback, if ’twas intentional. Mike Shinoda’s rapping sounds much mo’ modern than his usual ol’ school Run-DMC flow & fits the ethereal tone o’ this song; same with Armstrong’s dour singing on the chorus.

Grade: A

8. Two Faced

This is a Hybrid Theory style banger with plenty o’ catchy hooks, including the great idea o’ having the verses & choruses break into 2 catchy hooks each. In fact, it perhaps sounds a bit too much like Hybrid Theory, with the bridge sounding very similar to the famous “¡SHUT UP WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU!” bridge o’ “One Step Closer”. Granted, Armstrong does a great job with her version, especially with the various ways she whispers, “I can’t hear myself think” early on. & I’m a sucker for any song that ends with record scratching whilin’ out — it’s been too long since Mr. Hahn, who is truly the best member o’ the group, got to work his magic again.

Grade: B

9. Stained

While most o’ this album sounds like nostalgic throwbacks to noughties nu-metal, this song sounds like a throwback to 2010s “indie” electronic rock, including the millennial whoas. ¿Has it been long enough for those to go from being a hated cliché to fond nostalgic memory? Eh, as goofy as it is, it is kinda catchy. This song’s all right.

Grade: B

10. IGYEIH

Musically, this is very middle-o’-the-road — a “Runaway”, you could say. If you ask me, “¿What the hell is ‘Runaway’? ¿You mean the Kanye West song?”, that answers your question: it’s the Hybrid Theory song you don’t remember. I guess there is that weird squeaky sound in the background sometimes. It’s kind o’ annoying, tho, so I’d hardly consider it a +.

Lyrically, this song is mixed. There are some lines I would actually call pretty good, like the good ol’ emo line, “I write all the memories down all over my skin”, which is a metaphor I’m surprised I haven’t heard before ( for tattoos, yes; cutting oneself, no ); but then we get goofy-ass lines like, “The clock keeps ticking, the rules aren’t written” — ¿what rules? ¿what the fuck are you talking ’bout? — or “I give you everything I have, all you give me is your ugliness”. O, no, don’t give me your ugliness. & while “Forgotten doesn’t mean that it’s forgiven this time” is a relatively clever line, unfortunately I haven’t forgotten you used that same line on the previous song.

Grade: C

11. Good Things Go

For most o’ the song I didn’t have anything to say ’bout this song, ’twas so middle-o’-the-road, but then the bridge came on & Mike decided to rap like some mediocre modern rapper who for some reason making sounds like, “eh” & “oh” ’tween lines sounds cool. He should’ve gone all the way & made those weird sounds that mumble rappers always did, like, “¡brrrrddddup!” or “¡shoo shoo!”. That’s the new kind o’ nu-metal we’ve been needing all this time: mumble rap metal.

But, yeah, otherwise this is a very tepid sad song with standard low notes, ’cept for maybe the crescendoing melody @ the end o’ the chorus being somewhat catchy, only to be ruined by the lame lyrics, “sometimes bad things take the place where good things go”.

Grade: C

Final Verdict

E’en tho I’ve come across as somewhat dismissive in some o’ these song reviews, o’erall this album is better than I would’ve expected, especially given the circumstances. Since their 1st 2 classic albums Linkin Park has struggled to evolve, sometimes with disappointing results that seem to be tied too closely to trends, sometimes with interesting surprises. This album is probably Linkin Park doing their best balance o’ hearkening back to their ol’ sound while still sounding distinct itself & not sounding too much like a sad self bootleg. It’s pretty far from my favorite o’ their albums, but not @ the bottom, either.

In fact, I’d say my biggest complaint ’bout this album is its cover, with its random pink bubbling liquid o’er some random surface, which reminds me too much o’ Metallica’s Load album cover with blood & semen mixed together — no, I’m not exaggerating: that’s really what it is.

Final Grade: B

Posted in Nostalgic Novelty Noughties Nu-Metal

setting the record straight on the name o’ the gulf of mexico

deep in my precambrian tunnels i have heard rumors that someone claiming to be “president” is claiming to have renamed the “gulf of mexico” into the “gulf of america”. as all my readers know, the only valid elections are those in which the englesist magical socialism party wins, in which the only true president is 1 J. J. W. Mezun & the true name o’ this gulf is the “gulf o’ mezunian”. all you readers know too much & will be taken out shortly. have a pleasant last remaining minutes.

Posted in Politics, ¿What the Fuck Is this Shit?

It’s time for a look @ the most exciting album by “I Love It When You Call Me Big Papa” Roach – Nostalgic Novelty Noughties Nu-Metal

Like with Disturbed’s Believe, I don’t think anyone e’en remembers that this album, Papa Roach’s sophomore — unless you count their weird primordial albums like the EP Old Friends from Young Years or whate’er the hell Potatoes for Christmas was — album, lovehatetragedy — which, to its credit, was ahead o’ the pack by implementing the hipster all-lowercase, no spaces, style that many hipster indie rock bands like “lovelytheband” would use in the 2010s — after their big breakout hit Infest with classics like “Last Resort” & the song whose background music was used in the online classic, “Ram Ranch”, e’er existed. Like a surprising lot o’ nu-metal bands, Papa Roach saw the writing on the wall early & ditched nu-metal & whiteboy gangster rapping for… some sort o’ vague alt rock. It’s not surprising nobody remembers this album, as it doesn’t stick in the mind. I have some nostalgia for this album, & always liked its warm, moody guitar work as a kid, — what the zoomzooms would call “vibes” — but it’s mo’ an album you would listen to in the background while sleeping than something you’d actually pay attention to. It’s telling that I’m only learning ’bout much o’ the lyrics today as I review this, since I clearly ne’er gave a shit ’bout them as a kid.

There’s no good reason for me to be reviewing this album’s songs other than morbid curiosity @ trying to see if I can find something to say ’bout it. If you’re looking for funny memes, I’d move on. Only read these reviews if you, too, are morbidly curious to see opinions on an album that nobody else has e’er cared ’bout ’cause, seriously, ¿who the hell else is wasting their time doing a track-by-track review o’ the sophomore album by the “cut my life into pieces” band?

1. M-80 (Explosive Energy Movement)

This album starts with a standard banger that ne’er stuck with me. It’s not bad or cringe, but it’s also not funny or particularly memorable, specially if you start listening to better alt rock bands. I think my biggest problem with this song is Jacoby’s trying so hard to talk ’bout how “filthy” & “nasty” & “dirty” — so much that he says that word twice in the same line — he is, but the song sounds so clean & polished. Most o’ the lines are very generic or outright perplexing. ¿What is “demented as the night is long” mean? Nights are not always long — hell, in some places @ certain times, it’s daytime all day.

Also, rock songs talking ’bout rock itself — specially when you use the full phrase “rock ’n roll” like you’re a boomer — is cringe unless you’re ACDC.

Grade: D

2. Life is a Bullet

This song is a better picture o’ this album’s general sound: a dour song with dour downtuned guitars & generic lyrics with generic metaphors ’bout life: in this case life being a bullet — I guess ’cause life is mean, or something. It’s neither the best nor worst song. It exists.

I will say, tho, I do kind o’ like the line, “you caused the fire, now fuck the flame”; not because it means anything or anything: I just find the imagery o’ someone trying to go cock 1st into a flame like that dude did to the pie in American Pie funny.

Genius commentators clearly disagree, howe’er, as someone wrote an entire thesis paper on this song’s deep — like Jacoby’s speech, deep like the sea — meaning with references to, I shit you not, ol’ philosophers like, um… “Socrates Plato”, which is actually 2 different people. I mean, Plato did appropriate much o’ Socrates’ work, since Socrates was too lazy to write anything down, but still:

The song explains the forces that subject us to the brutality of our society, which does not care about you or me.
He could explain everything, the fire, and how our inaccurate perception of reality facilitates the brutality, but nobody is going to listen because our minds have been shut down, regardless of the pain we see in others and ourselves daily. Fuck the flame, separate our souls from our body, the goal of every philosopher, from Socrates Plato and beyond.
Life is a bullet, the experiences we face prove it, not our identity. Identity is a trick in which our creation of, is imposed on us for the soul purpose of developing a platform which can be exposed, by easily tearing of our fronts, spilling out what we conceal, as vulnerable individuals. This is what divides us into easily controlled segments of society.

Genius

Grade C

3. Time and Time Again

This music video is the “Pepsi version”, whate’er that means. The main difference is that they censor “pills”, ’cause we wouldn’t want kids to go taking too many Flintstone vitamins ’cause Daddy Roach told ’em to. Look out, guys: I just took my daily prescribed antianxiety meds. ¡’Cause I’m a reckless, I’m a reckless god damn son o’ a bitch! ’Course, committing various traffic violations & endangering road safety ’cause you’re too distracted jamming out to this sick beat is fine to show. I do like how they have a black guy — a nerdy black guy with glasses & a nasally voice — cosign these crackers’ hard rappin’ by telling them to TURN THAT SHIT UP only for them to turn it up so loud his glasses break — ¡O shit!

Anyway, I guess the verses have a better balance o’ having that rhythm o’ rapping but without sounding like a gangster wannabe, tho the chorus is bland. But then we get lines like “emotional swords slash my soul”, which… I dunno, man. I feel like giving your metaphorical noun an adjective that it’s s’posed to represent is cheating, like Super Scribblenauts players who just add the word “invincible” to e’erything, specially when that adjective is as broad as “emotional”. You could replace “sword” & “slash” with anything & it’d work as well: “emotional guns shoot my soul”, “emotional fists punch my soul”, etc. I guess there’s some alliteration.

I once read in a review I read decades ago that this song was apparently ’bout the lead singer’s dog dying, but can’t find any mention o’ this tidbit on Genius.com. In fact, Genius.com doesn’t say shit ’bout most o’ these songs ’cept the previous 1 — almost as if I’m the only person on earth who gives the slightest shred ( & as these reviews show, it’s a very slight shred ) o’ a shit ’bout this album. Also, the lyrics seem to be mo’ ’bout a breakup, so I think the review was making it up. Honestly, being ’bout their dog dying would’ve made it mo’ interesting. Maybe the reviewer got this idea from the song starting with Jacoby howling “¡OW! ¡OW!” like a dog @ the beginning.

Grade: C

4. Walking Through Barbed Wire

This is a much better banger than “M-80” whate’er ’twas called, with those rusty guitar riffs. Also, there’s a’least some imagery here with the whole “walking through barbed wire” thing… tho it’s a pretty cliché symbol, & the rest o’ the metaphors & similes filling this song are similarly trite, including outright stale figures o’ speech like “kissing death” & “walking tall like trees”.

Grade: B

5. Decompression Period

Honestly, this gets a much higher grade than probably all the other songs only ’cause “decompression” acting as both a metaphor for letting out one’s frustration & sounding like “depression” is probably the only legit clever wordplay Papa Roach has e’er done.

& as a ballad it’s not that bad, probably ’cause oddly for Papa Roach it’s not that bombastic or full o’ too much cheese. Granted there are a lot o’ trite phrasing & repetitive lyrics, but for a song as depressed as this it kind o’ fits. There are much, much better songs that do this same thing, but look @ where our standards are. Plus, I kind o’ like how the song gradually builds energy. That cheap trick always gets me.

The aforementioned review also claimed this song was ’bout some inner band turmoil, with the reviewer e’en joking ’bout this song being Jacoby singing ’bout how he didn’t want to hang out with his band anymo’. Like with “Time and Time Again”, I can no longer find any hint o’ this idea anywhere else, so this reviewer could’ve just made up this interpretation, too.

Speaking o’ out-o’-nowhere interpretations, here’s what Genius has to say ’bout the seemingly innocuous line, “& I need some space…”:

Metes and bounds is a system or method of describing land, real property or real estate. The system has been used in England for many centuries, and is still used there in the definition of general boundaries.

Set those boundaries wisely. People’re bound to explode.

Well, I’ve certainly become a genius with these enlightening words o’ wisdom that have been shared to me.

Grade: B

6. Born with Nothing, Die with Everything

Yup, ’nother banger, better than “M-80”, but not as good as “Walking Through Barbed Wire”, or whate’er that song was called. I have to say, @ this point I’ve come to kinda appreciate the weird mechanical warmth o’ the guitar thruout this album, which works better for a mo’ banal song like this than, say, “M-80”, which is trying to be a big blast up the ass, but was just, eh.

After Genius’s fount o’ knowledge before, you may be wondering, ¿what have these historians discovered ’hind the arcane words, “People wake up & sing along”? Well wonder no mo’:

When people sing along they do it because they have or want to have that same mind state illustrated in the song

Thank you, Explain-O-Bot 4000™ for that thorough explanation on how the flesh creatures operate.

Grade: B

7. She Loves Me Not

’Nother example o’ Papa Roach’s terrible choices for singles. I know it’d be silly to get all hipster when talking ’bout Papa Roach, but this is a bit too poppy for a band like Papa Roach, who can’t really pull off great pop, specially with the same generic, broad lyrics as e’erywhere else in this album. The return o’ the rippity rapping doesn’t help: when Jacoby’s rapping worked — if we allow ourselves to entertain the idea that it e’er worked — ’twas giving off this groddy, scuzzy feel. That was why they were called “Papa Roach”. Now this album has none o’ that, which makes the name “Papa Roach” not fit well here. For as much as people rag on how bad rap metal is, I can tell you, rap alt rock is a far worse idea.

But the lyrics here aren’t just broad, but flat-out terrible. E’en by Roach standards, the raps make Thousand Year Krutch sound like Linkin Park in comparison; not only are there 2 lines that rhyme “¿What’s the deal, girl?” & “Tearing up each other’s world”, which is trite as all hell, but then these are followed by, “We should be in harmony, boy & girl”, rhyming with the 1st word again! I know there aren’t a lot o’ good words that rhyme with “girl”; but none o’ these lines were good, anyway, so just throw them all out. & yet none o’ the other lines are much better.

The verses are arguably worse, as they are sung in such a clunky, stop-&-go way as if a robot is trying to describe heart break, with lines in stiff perfect trochee like “WILL this BE an AMPuTAtion” or clinical lines like “this situation leads to agitation”. Yes, romantic turmoil does in fact lead to some sort o’ “agitation”. There’s particularly nasty — & not in a good way — enjambment with the lines, “but I hesitate / to tell her I hate / this relationship…”; & after that awkward rhyme in the middle o’ a sentence, the verse gives up on rhyming or e’en following the meter & just sputters out, “I want out today this is o’er”.

Grade: F

8. Singular Indestructible Droid

This is the best song in this album. Actually, in complete contrast to the sentiment I gave in the previous review, this song kind o’ blends the best elements o’ Infest & this album, having the mad science elements that sort o’ showed up on songs like “Dead Cell”, but much less cringe & replacing rapping with a mo’ effective droidlike monotone singing, with the cleaner, but mechanical-sounding guitar work. I particularly like the guttural BUH-BUH BUH-BUH. Granted, I’m not sure how I feel ’bout the weird chanting & village drums in the background. I guess the droid is attacking the village.

Grade A

9. Black Clouds

’Nother song where the monotone delivery, bland lyrics, & clean but downtuned guitar fit, since, like “Decompression Period”, it’s just ’bout being depressed. For background music songs, this 1 is 1 o’ the best on this album. Just don’t pay too much attention to the lyrics unless you like the kind o’ trite emo poetry with such similes as “tears fall like rain” & “pain strikes like lightning”. O well: this song is thematically coherent, sticking to its bad weather metaphor thruout; that’s a lyrical accomplishment for this band.

Grade B

10. Code of Energy

In contrast to the previous song’s coherency, this song is a mess that doesn’t know what tone it wants to give, jumping from announced verses, sudden shouts o’ the song title ’tween only the 2nd verse & chorus, &, in contrast, the chorus being the most monotone part, while after some amping during the bridge, there’s this bizarre spoken-word section where Jacoby in some mad scientist voice babbles some trite sci-fi shit. You’d think I’d like it, but it’s not weird ’nough to be interesting, & this song doesn’t have the energy that “Dead Cell” & “Singular Indestructible Droid” had.

Grade C

11. lovehatetragedy

We end with the worst song on the album, the title track, a song with a kooky mix o’ a lullaby-like but loud verses followed by an annoying nursery-rhyme-like chorus going “traaageeeedeeee”, & then the 2nd chorus is followed by sudden clanging announcing & shouting, & then this perishing, higher-pitch version o’ “traaageeedeee”, & then after the final chorus we get 1 final “¡TRAGEDEDE! ¡TRAGEDEDE!”. E’erything sounds so thudding & loud but not exciting, specially when this song is s’posed to be ’bout love, but with lyrics as awkward & generic that it, like “She Loves Me Not”, altogether sounds like it’s from the perspective o’ a robot who has only briefly heard rumors o’ this “love” thing. Only by reading the linear notes today have I realized that apparently there’s a war that brought the singer & some other person together, but that’s ’cause it’s briefly hinted @ in 2 lines, while most o’ the song is just repeating the word “tragedy” o’er & o’er.

Grade F

Bonus: 12. Gouge Away

¡Wow, this song’s very good! ¡It’s amazing how Jacoby’s lyricism totally improved so much, with lyrics that have that creative & mysterious imagery that early alt rock bands were known for!

O, wait, that’s ’cause this is a cover o’ a Pixies song. It’s certainly a competent rendition, — no Wes Scantlin squeeling out “About a Girl” like a dying donkey or MGK belting out “Arials” like a 10-year-ol’ angry that his mom took ’way his Switch energy. Granted, Jacoby tries a bit too hard while singing this song: a big point o’ this song, & the Pixies in general, is their mo’ laid-back vibe. This rendition doesn’t stray too far from that, — they could’ve done far worse — but it does lack some o’ the charm o’ the original. For instance, Jacoby’s plainer “doo-doo-doos” aren’t nearly as good as CMKTIV’s warm hums.

Grade B

Bonus: 13. Never Said It

I only reviewed the bonus songs so I could make the jokes ’bout the Pixies cover, but by doing so, I feel obligated to also review the other bonus song, since it’d be weird to just review 1 o’ the 2 bonus songs ’stead o’ either neither or both. All I can say ’bout this song is that it certainly exists.

Grade C

Final Verdict

Save for 2 terrible songs, I still stand by this being a solid album to listen to in the background. Tho not as memorable or interesting as Infest, it’s mo’ listenable unironically — tho it’s not nearly as good as Disturbed’s Believe.

Final Grade: C

To make up for this low-key review, I promise I will do Papa Roach’s far crazier Potatoes for Christmas — I swear that’s a real album — next December.

Posted in Nostalgic Novelty Noughties Nu-Metal

Worst to Best Treasures – Wario Land 3, Part 10

10. W3 The Pool of Rain – Gray

This treasure focuses on a unique gimmick: stakes in the lake that rise when other stakes are ground-pounded, creating puzzles where you have to figure out how to arrange the stakes so that you can reach the next cliff, or in the middle section, to reach the gray key up in the middle.

It’s a very linear, straightforward treasure: you just go right, only going up & left a bit for the gray key, with the chest down a ladder in the last cliff. But the unique gimmick makes up for it, & having a linear path is refreshing once in a while in a game that mostly has mo’ labyrinthine layouts, & the twist for the key where you have to solve 2 different puzzles with the same stake setup is interesting ’nough.

Continue reading @ Level Rankings.com…

Posted in Video Games, Worst to Best Levels