Un día kamino por la kalle.
Fue una mentira–
Nunka kamino por la kaye.
¿Ké tipo de persona loka
kamina en el sentro de la kalle?
En realidad, kamino por la asera,
pero prefiero desir ke kamino por la kalle,
porke me siento más jugoso,
y me gusta jugoso.
Bueno, mientras estoy kaminando por la asera,
bi un koche–
en aktual, bi muchos.
Pero, dudo ke se importe.
Nunka se importa lo ke dicho…
¿Por ké ablas así?
Dawn, rare snow—
shivering, I see
squirrels outside.
It turns out The Mezunian isn’t the only long-venerable institution to put on a fresh blanket o’ paint: finally that genius CEO with her decoder rings took my advice & changed her obnoxious half-pun website name to a catchier, hippin’-&-hoppin’ slangtang boomerang that all you kids in the dishes be shootin’ out your grins, & which is closer to its true subject matter: prostitution. Also, it’s a syllable ’way from sounding like a socialist rag—that’s cool, too.
Despite this, most o’ their articles still have “CAREEREALISM” in the top bar, since changing that would actually take effort.
& now their website has double the 2.0 Blandness & double the membership scams. Or maybe they always had that, & I just forgot, since most o’ their content has always been buried under 2.0 Blandness. Glad to see that web “professionals” still can’t be arsed to organize their shit into anything halfway coherent.
But they still have their #’d list articles, talking ’bout the same 5 topics they’ve been talking ’bout for years; & they still have clownishly exaggerated photos, such as this article’s image o’ a reader’s reaction ’pon 1st reading this site, which has tragically been ruined by the artist’s nephew scribbling on it with their half-transparent white crayon ‘gain.
I checked out this article ’bout tips for “Shy Networkers”—a topic they’ve ne’er written ’bout before—with a picture o’ a derp-face wondering when he could finally finish this photo & play his video games, mom. Lemme guess: the tips are all, “Don’t be shy.” Believe it or not, that’s giving this writer too much credit: after blabbing on for paragraphs ’bout their own bullshit I don’t care ’bout, they give 1 tip that’s essentially, “Don’t be shy,” & 4 that have nothing to do with shyness. I could’ve just written the sentence, “Stop being a crybaby,” & it would’ve been a better article than all 800+ words. That’s ’bout 80 Bashō haiku I could be reading ’stead.
Also, if you guys truly expect me to believe your rebranding is mo’ professional, I expect you guys to have better standards in your advertisements:
’Less you believe those conspiracy theories ’bout the electoral college, I think it’s too late for photo shoot o’ inebriated Hairpiece holding his arm round the stomach o’ bland bad actor in the least believable way possible is going to hurt Hairpiece’s chances o’ election. Just look @ his face: “Euughhh… ¿Are we done yet? ¡I want my cookies!” Still, we have to give Hairpiece credit for being a good ’nough sport to do a reenactment o’ the times he actually groped someone, & didn’t awkwardly hold his arm near someone for long ’nough for someone to take a clear photo.
& as for “10 Tips for People Who Hate Networking,” I can write a better sentence than that whole article, too: “Suck it up.” You guys oughta save your money & just hire me; then you can spend mo’ time making your redundant post pictures not look like you’re trying to film a Disney preteen movie, with bland white heroin going, “BEEP BOOP. THIS IS HOW THE FLESH HUMANS DEPICT BOREDOM & A GENERAL LACK O’ FULFILLMENT, ¿IS THAT ACCURATE?” While 4 decapitated crotches stand round ’hind her. ¡What great framing!
Do you associate networking with shameless self-promotion and ‘more = more’?
I mo’ associated this website with the former, whereas I associated the latter mo’ with the “Reflexive Property of Mathematics.”
Man, fuck this inane tripe: I’m mo’ interested in the strange political ads they have:
We have the e’en less believable photo o’ Hilary & Bill Clinton actually romantic toward each other, Robobama’s face malfunctioning, & Hairpiece squeezing his face gainst some random woman—or, as the ad claims, “Our Country’s Most Powerful.” Nope: till I see that picture replaced by Hairpiece smooching some fat, pasty-faced businessman Marrymore-style, I’m calling “false advertisement.” This ain’t working for me, Work It, Daily.
But ’cause I’m so generous to do so much o’ your work for you1, I’ll let my amazing Photoshop GIMP skills amend this:
(Well, close ’nough, a’least. ¿Did Hairpiece get any support from anyone powerful? It seems e’en they all didn’t want to waste their money on his nonsense.)
Anyway, I’ll just leave you all with that lovely image in your head.
Elm, Elm, Elm,
leaves are gone
¿so soon?
Hardly seen them.
Withered, crumpled, blackened…
¿But why these words?
¿Would we e’er call them towering, plain, eye-seeringly sickly green
in the o’erbearing summer?
Slowly…
I scoop them in my icy-dried granite hands—
But race, the thoughts—
I must, I can’t…
There’s nowhere to preserve them
from their abusive but necessary relation with the sun & clouds.
It’s not so much that I haven’t been working on my stupid project since my last post,–quite contrarily, I’ve been working on it mo’ than mo’ important work–but that I haven’t felt like there was much to show ’bout it. & I think talking ’bout refactoring out sprite movement code into “Movement Components” to separate gravity-based sprite movement from floating sprites & swimming sprites would be as interesting.
But I did make this nifty ice level that I wanted to show off.
1st, we have penguin enemies that move back & forth, slowing to a skid as they turn. I e’en made it so that sliding into them (which still just uses Autumn’s ducking sprite) kills them.
That reminds me: I finally got it so that you hop off enemies when you land on them, ‘stead o’ some flaccid bounce that has no air. This was done by adding some bounce function to the grounded movement component & making it so that holding the jump button down while bouncing can extend it, but it can only be started by other means (landing on enemy heads so far).
Next we have these big ice cubes that fall into water, stay floating on water, & start moving if you get on them. 2 ice cubes hitting each other causes them to turn in opposite directions, & hitting walls causes them to sink into the water.
Also, the water hurts Autumn from its icy coldness.
Lastly, unlike some other moving platform sprites that I’m not sure I e’en mentioned programming in yet, these ice cubes don’t keep Autumn’s X position with them, meaning that they can slip past Autumn, forcing the player to sort o’ fiddle with the controls to keep up with the ice cube. A li’l bit o’ challenge that… isn’t truly all that challenge.
Finally, I have smaller ice blocks that begin to shatter once you step on them. I also made them crack ‘pon hitting them from below, & then shatter when hit a 2nd time from below, but didn’t find a place to use them in this level. I’ve been wary ’bout avoiding making levels feel too big or fillery by trying to limit them to only a few, select, quick elements. As I was constructing this level, I worried that it may be too long, but ‘pon testing it I found that the fact that much o’ the level is large plots o’ land for breaks ‘tween water sections & the fact that your slippery movement makes you go faster, the level feels actually quite brisk.
I’m somewhat glad o’ how the graphics in this level turned out–though I fear the background may be a bit too similar to the background to Super Mario Bros. 3‘s ice levels. Then ‘gain, I think a few Kirby games used the same simple pattern. The ice blocks are also inspired by Super Mario Bros. 3, & the main ground is inspired by Kirby’s Adventure, but I think I differentiated them ‘nough. The only similarity ‘tween the grounds is that they both have shiny ice tops: while Kirby’s had rigid triangular shapes, mine has mo’ melty dripping lines. My ice blocks also have mo’ o’ the grungy dirt pixel shading I use for my other graphics (see the city graphics for particular examples) & have a different bevel on the right side.
Look, it’s hard to be particularly different when working in only 16 x 16 pixels. In such a case, these seemingly slight differences make a big difference–‘specially when you consider how oft commercial NES games seemed to ripoff other games. You have no idea how many times I see those Legend of Zelda stairs in other games.
I would talk ’bout a cart level I’d been working on before & a sewer level I’m working on, but I want to draw the cart sprite so the screenshots don’t show a tacky black square for the player for the former, & want to finish the latter, since it’s now mostly long stretches o’ water with few dangers.
I think I’ll focus less on “what I’ve done since last update” & mo’ on particular levels I’ve developed beyond an alpha stage. Which means, don’t expect ‘nother update till next year or so.
When the average person thinks o’ the Bible, they think o’ a few famous stories, like “Genesis,” “Exodus,” “Jonah,” & the 4 gospels, which make up only a tiny percentage o’ its bulk, most o’ which is made up o’ forgettable fluff o’ random Jews like Isaiah & Jeremiah1 ranting for pages & pages ’bout Jews being sinful, & all o’ Paul’s repetitive letters ranting @ Christians in almost incoherent ways2 ’bout being lazy & cheap bums & their insistence on the need to have the fetish for chopping baby boy penises—look, Jesus is no bigot: he’s neither gainst nor for baby-boy-penis-chopping.
But the best o’ the Bible is found in neither those famous books, nor any o’ that other dreck, but randomly buried in “2 Kings,” which is a loose collection o’ stories in which shitty things happen to Jews—also known as “What Happens in Real Life All the Time Throughout History.”
I present to you, what the New International Version calls, “Elisha Is Jeered” (chapter 2:23-24):
23From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. “Go on up, you baldhead!” they said. “Go on up, you baldhead!” 24He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. 25And he went on to Mount Carmel and from there returned to Samaria.
& for the record, no, this story has no relevance to anything surrounding it & could be taken out without affecting the narrative @ all. ¿But why would you want to cut out such a hilariously awesome scene?
E’en mo’ hilarious, 1 o’ my Bible’s many pretentious footnotes3 feels the need to establish that ’twasn’t Elisha who sicked the bears on them, but God, & that ’twasn’t for mocking Elisha’s bald head but for doubting God’s bear-spawning powers.
As an extra, here’s a gem from “1 Chronicles” 21:14:
Satan rose up against Israel and incited David to take a census of Israel.
Thank you, Bible, for inspiring thousands o’ gun nuts round the US to bring out their shotguns & threaten ’way those sinful gubbernit officials & their Satanic censuses.
Yeah, I know it’s s’posed to be a parable ’bout David’s pride in the hefty #s o’ his military; but that still doesn’t warrant the ridiculous melodrama o’ having Satan personally act “gainst Israel” in making a king act pompous—as if that’s not how every king that e’er existed has acted. I don’t remember the Bible talking ’bout Satan rising up gainst Israel when Solomon had o’er 700 wives.
O, all right, let’s talk ’bout a few mo’ lines.
Going back to “Kings,” I love how it keeps saying, “As for the other events of Solomon’s reign—all he did and the wisdom he displayed—are they not written in the book of the annals of Solomon?” (11:41), only for the footnote below it to say, “Nothing is known of ‘the book of the annals of Solomon.’ So I guess the answer to your question, narrator, is, “No.”
But ’nough ’bout that downer—how ’bout this great moral for good Christians from the great Apostle Paul himself (“2 Corinthians,” chapter 8:14-15):
14At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, 15as it is written: “He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little.”
Translation: “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.”
I’m glad to see my favorite US Constitutional amendment is supported by the other official US Constitution. It’s too bad I posted this a month too late: that would’ve made a great moral in which to celebrate Christmas Marxmas.
Though, my Bible, in an obvious attempt to mollify right-wingers, made sure to include a footnote in a later part in “Acts” chapter 4 talking ’bout apostles sharing things ’mong themselves that insisted it wasn’t communism ’cause ’twas s’posedly voluntary & s’posedly didn’t include all “private property” (personal property), which doesn’t apply in any communist system, either. This was sort o’ like the footnote for “2 Samuel” 1:26, which had to insist that King David’s claim that Jonathan’s “love for [him] was wonderful / more wonderful than that of women” was totally not gay.
But lets end this with the best, most profound moral o’ all, by Jesus himself (“Matthew” 5:13):
You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?
That’s some Tsen shit right there.
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O, fun. I can already guess what I’m going to get from this: those luscious affiliate links. Since every host review on the planet has affiliate links—e’en those that criticize corrupt web host reviews, ironically—I can only imagine that a website as corrupt as 1st Web Designer’s jumping into the money bag, too. Well, let’s dive in like Scrooge…
In fact, I’m just going to skim ’head, just to… Wait, ¿What?
Things You should NOT Consider when Choosing a Web Host
Phh, “Listen to 1st Web Designer,” ¿amirite?
No. That’s not a word. I’m sick o’ your linguistic blasphemy.
Read Reviews Online Using Google Search
¿Huh? Mmm… Well, on 1 hand, it’s a bit hypocritical, considering how many times I see 1st Web Designer litter my Google searches. But, it’s not bad advice.
Yes, all of those links are affiliates, wherein each sale pays a small fee to the recommending site. Drupal.org is just one example – all across the internet, hosting reviews are all about affiliate links. This is why certain firms score well in hosting reviews (owing to heavy affiliate commission), but fare badly in overall user service.
…
Huh. Well, I can only wait breathlessly for the ironic—
Yes, that’s right. While the allure of earning big bucks by getting others to click on links is tempting, we have ensured that this article is totally unbiased – this article does not contain affiliate links because we know and appreciate the importance of a proper web host.
…
(Scours page for hours. Can’t find any affiliate links.)
All right, 1st Web Designer: you’ve got me. After your vaguely corrupt recommendation for “CONVERTING” websites, wherein one just cobbles together whatever free shit one can find online when “making” sites for clients, rather than actually doing your job, you’re the only site that talks ’bout web host recommendations that doesn’t take affiliate links.
&, ¿what the fuck? I just noticed: this article not only talks ’bout what the title promises, it starts talking ’bout the topic immediately & doesn’t stray into irrelevant topics for mo’ than half o’ the article.
There’s only 1 explanation: 1st Web Designer made this article just to screw with me. They know I’m making fun o’ their articles & wrote a competent article just to make me look stupid. Get out o’ my monitor.
O well, I’m sure their advice is dumb, anyway.
Everyone knows what shared hosting is, VPS, and reseller hosting packages.
If this article weren’t given the same mysterious author o’ “Editorial Team” as all the other articles, I’d insist that this article must be written by somebody other than the person who thought Photoshop was a programming language. Nope. That’s some knowledge dissonance.
E’en mo’ hilarious, I looked up that link & found that it goes to a completely different page—1 with a title that actually indicates what they’re talking ’bout, & which is, in general, actually competent. Granted, its info is rather vague, & it still has dumb images, including some dumb meme pic; but compared to the original, this is like Sonichu to Gunnerkrigg Court. Way to ruin my fun.
On the other hand, a’least some o’ the info they gave was rather insightful: I had no idea till now that US Speaker o’ the House moonlighted as 1 o’ Marketslide’s (¡Wheeee!) founders. ¿Or is that Paul Xavier? Either that guy’s worried that he might hurt his company by being linked to whatever controversy might be involved in political issues or he just likes to consider himself to be a renegade angel. That’s OK, their company name can’t seem to make up its mind, either: while most o’ the site calls it “Marketslide,” (¡Wheeee!) the title bar @ the top says “Market Slide.”
Speaking o’ which, I can’t tell what they’re selling, since I’m only Level 2 in my Buzzwordese classes, I can only assume by their header @ the top that they sell gorgeous sunset mountains.
Just in case you don’t, simply do a Google search!
O, yeah, we were reviewing an article.
I do have to bicker ’bout this, though: in the time it took you to type that, you could’ve quickly found some links to Wikipedia & put them there. I find it hard to believe that someone could find this article, but not figure out how to search for something on Google, ’specially since Google is most likely how they found this article in the 1st place. (1st Web Designer certainly seems to be aiming its content toward SEO.)
(Yawn.) In general, this article has competent info: it talks ’bout the gotchas you need to watch out for, such as “unlimited” bandwidth & disk space; it talks ’bout the importance o’ what one plans to do with one’s website, such as how big it’ll be, & how that affects what choice is best; & talks ’bout CDNs.
Also, ¿what’s up with “v/s” used when talking ’bout bandwidth & disk space? ¿What was wrong with “vs.”? ¿What kind o’ weirdo just randomly spells words ’nother way & uses strange punctuation like that?
I promised to neglect keeping up on these, & I kept my promise.
Most o’ what I’ve done was mo’ design than programming, but it did involve programming in quite a bit o’ custom sprites.
Planned to be the 1st forest level & 2nd level o’erall. For it I created “Bad Apple” enemies, which are basically just Goombas that bop off screen when you jump on them & still have no animation.
A mo’ interesting sprite I use is some spike fruit that start falling if you get near them horizontally & respawn after falling offscreen.
Finished this level. 1 programming quirk: to keep players from being able to jump o’er walls, I had to make the camera go much higher; however, ’cause the camera isn’t s’posed to scroll vertically, I included camera-lock variables to maps which prevents the camera from scrolling past that variable (camera’s y_ variable going greater than the map’s top_limit_).
A joke level, using mostly graphics I made for some other sprite comic. If your character moves in any way, you lose.
I wanted to program it so that it tested whether the protagonist’s is_moving_ is true, but found it impossible to keep is_moving_ from being set to true a’least once before testing, & found adding a timer to the goal to be cumbersome when there was a simple solution to just test for input presses.
You may recognize this as “Skyscraper Caper.” I plan to have this be the final city level, I think.
¿Remember when I said I wanted this to be the player racing some other sprite ’stead o’ racing gainst a dumb clock, but found creating a sprite that can jump & run with good timing too complicated? I found a balance, inspired by Super Mario Bros. Deluxe: the player races gainst a ghost who can fly through everything to the goal.
Logically, I should probably check for the ghost to touch the goal block, but I was lazy, & just checked for the ghost to pass an x value that happens to be where I placed the goal.
Speaking o’ laziness, I still haven’t drawn a ghost sprite, & worse, stole 1 directly from Super Mario Bros. Deluxe. Obviously I don’t plan to keep this bit o’ copyright infringement, if it e’er reaches any final form.
I don’t know what theme I plan to have this in yet, but due to its length & difficulty,—every hit is an instant-kill—it’ll probably be near the end. I actually kinda worry that this level might be too frustrating: I fear it might require too much possibly-unintuitive camera finagling or knowing subtle, e’en-mo’-unintuitive, facts o’ how the level’s rules work. There’s 1 point, for instance, wherein one’s safe if one stands still, but if one falls down the next hole while the guard is looking out, one will be caught (as the rules state in the info box @ the beginning, guards can see mo’ high up if you’re in the air, to make it harder to just jump o’er guards). There’s ’nother part where you’re just s’posed to follow some gems into an alcove a let a guard ’bove you pass o’er you, which actually has no difficulty whatsoe’er, which is the goal; but if the player jumps up there, they’ll get caught before they e’en see the guard. They probably wouldn’t e’er get hit ’gain; but it’s still a possibly-frustrating piece o’ accidental trial-&-error. Also, I feel having to ’splain this level’s rules in a word dump @ the beginning probably means this level’s gimmick might be too complicated for it’s own good, ’specially with instant-death fails. It feels like a recipe for “scrappy mecahnic.”
Then ’gain, ¿what’s a good platformer without just 1 “that one level” that everyone dreads having to beat to get back to the fun levels? After all, if Donkey Kong Country 2 can still be a classic with “Windy Well,”1 ¿why can’t I include my own?
Believe it or not, I figured out how to update the guard sprite so that it can’t see past solid blocks. All I had to do was add a method to the SpriteSystem class to check if there are any blocks within a given set o’ coordinates—the familiar SDL_Rect coordinates, x, y, width, & height. Then there was the problem wherein the guards were blocked by gems, which was solved by saving the block type ID into each block & testing for the block being having certain ID. There’s still a quirk wherein the guards won’t see the player ’less the player’s completely out from ’hind blocks, e’en if only the tip o’ their feet is ’hind blocks, but this gives the player leeway, & it’s not as if being able to jump mo’ than one’s height is realistic, either.
I also added extra camera controls to scroll the camera upward & downward without having to duck or look up, so you can scroll when on the stairs, which makes the stairs section much easier. Having the camera operate on WASD controls feels much mo’ natural than having “A” & “S” arbitrarily be left & right, anyway.
The last level I finished. I plan to have this be the 2nd forest level.
This, has 3 sprites: branches that fall ’pon landing on them, a rope that starts moving horizontally once you grab onto it, & bees. The 1st 2 use a different respawning code that I should probably apply to all non-killed sprites: they respawn, but only if their current & original positions are off-screen (the latter to prevent them from suddenly popping back into view).
The bees actually have 4 forms: the 1st just floats where it’s placed, buzzing round erratically; 1 moves right & left; ’nother moves up & down; & the final flies in a circle. I was surprised how simple the final 1 was to program, thanks to the power o’ simple math (which I didn’t know till recently, since I have no formal trigonometry education).
Technically, I’m not finished. It should be obvious that the “rope” sprite’s art isn’t finished–as in, it’s currently just a black rectangle. But I also thought ’bout extending the final bee section, since I still think it’s a bit too short & too easy.
I don’t know if I mentioned yet the level layout scheme I’m planning. It’s actually an idea I originally planned for a Super Mario World rom hack years ago, which I codenamed “Spiral.” The gimmick is that rather than splitting the game into worlds o’ consistent themes—forest world followed by desert world, & so on—the game cycles through level themes, with each cycle being the equivalent o’ a world. Hence why I have an early-game city level & a late-game city level planned. The main inspiration was the Super Nintendo & Sega Genesis Cool Spot, which had an interesting gimmick wherein it’d cycle through level themes till the middle o’ the game, & then cycle backward from those themes till the end. Thus, the beach theme is used for the 1st & last level, the pier theme is used for the 2nd & penultimate levels, & so on.
A few levels I’m working on:
Planned to be the 1st-cycle mine level & the 3rd level o’erall. Only idea I have so far is that I want it to be ’bout finding the key & then returning to the start, where the chest is. I want it to be a bit mo’ like exploration than “Wasabi Woods,” but can’t think o’ much to make it interesting.
The 1 where if you collect any gems, you fail. Planned to be an end-game mine level. Still not sure what I want to do with it, in terms o’ actual puzzles, other than that I want the # o’ gems you have to dodge to increase, till the end, where you’re mostly surrounded by gems.
I made this nifty background using a photo I took o’ some line o’ trees a few blocks from my house when it snowed a few weeks ago:
My only worry is that the background might be so detailed—& yet so pixelated, due to my arbitrary color limits—that it might be hard to see things in it, which may detract from gameplay. When I was 1st working on it, I actually also made some trees using ’nother photo, ’bout thought it might be too cluttered. Also, I couldn’t get rid o’ some artifacts round the trees, making them look ugly in front o’ any other background.
I also programmed in slippery controls, which go into effect for any map with a slippery_ flag turned on.
I had a few ideas for icy levels, such as an icy cave level & a level full o’ floating ice bergs wherein touching the ice-cold water is instant death. I also thought the levels where your character runs forward regardless o’ what you do would work well with this theme, since it could be ’splained with the icy floor. However, I also wanted to change the death-on-touching-a-wall thing so that you could jump up after upward slopes; but that isn’t in my games physics for slopes yet.
’Nother idea I had was to change snow physics so that it’d be slower & mo’ plodding, as opposed to icy floors, which would be slippery, based on my experience having to walk in snow vs. icy roads while going to the store & such.
As an extra, as I was cleaning my room ’cause my fascist mom told me I had to or no mo’ nutty bars after dinner to find some lost library books, I found some ol’ papers I’d made a year or so ago during my lunch break @ work while masturbating to photos o’ sexy cascade mountains & firs. Wait, ¿which did I cross out ’gain?
1st we have some simple sketches o’ how I planned Autumn to move ’bout (Ignore my French verb practice). You can see 2 differences here than what I have so far: Autumn’s proposed ability to punch, & the addition o’ Edgar as ’nother possible character, who has a shorter hop, but can float (so, essentially, Autumn would be like Luigi & Edgar like Peach in Super Mario Bros. 22).
I probably won’t be implementing any o’ these. Honestly, I like the simplicity o’ the controls currently (which is already hampered by the camera controls), & find the punch is unnecessary, since jumping on enemies is sufficient, & feels mo’ natural than stopping to punch, & keeps gameplay focused. Actually, @ 1 point I planned on not letting you kill enemies @ all, but thought making your character that impotent made it feel a li’l less fun.
As for the different characters, that’d require me to redesign the levels I’ve done to keep them balanced (right now one needs to be able to jump as high as Autumn to reach some platforms). Plus, keeping characters balanced so that none seem useless would be hard. Already it seems as if Edgar would be a superior character in this case—which doesn’t e’en fit within the source material.
Here we see the original plan for the 1st level. I should point out that these maps were ne’er drawn to be perfect representations o’ what I wanted, but just quick scribbles o’ ideas.
While none o’ the others were actually technically used as references for levels, since I didn’t find these till a few days ago, this 1 might’ve, since I faintly remember an earlier form o’ this level already being designed in Tiled from a year ago or so—including the ending, which isn’t in this paper plan. This is certainly the closest o’ the paper maps to what I have now: as you can see by the solid wall requiring hops ’long 2 roofs; the short hopping sections o’er spikes using hydrants; the short spike pit ’tween 2 roofs with a ! sign o’er it; & the sewer warp to get from 1 half to a li’l past the other, with a pattern o’ gems hid ’hind it, I already had many o’ the same ideas earlier. The main difference ’tween my current & the final was that neither this paper plan, nor the Tiled map I made a while ago had the hidden gems just left o’ the starting point; that was a recent addition. (Also, in general, I changed a lot o’ the gems round since adding the brighter & darker gems & changing the requirement from 50 gems to 10,000 ₧—round 70 or so gems.)
Extra trivia: I had the name “Blueberry Burroughs” in mind for a while, as well.
& here we see that the “Wasabi Woods” early map is much different from what I have now—not to mention much rougher. All that’s truly similar is that I always planned for there to be the “Bad Apple” enemies & the falling spiky fruit. I also always planned for there to be a final gauntlet with a long row o’ falling spiky fruit.
There was also an early Tiled map, but ’twas unfinished up to round where the trees appeared—which made sense, since I’d ne’er programmed falling spike fruit before. But as we can see comparing that beginning to this paper map, they differed as well: I apparently planned to have far fewer bottomless pits &, in general, a much easier level. Part o’ me does think the current version might be a bit too hard, actually, so I may moderate it a bit—though not this much.
Neither the original nor my current “Minty Mines” are finished, & they share almost nothing. While my current version has a key-&-chest gimmick ripped off from Wario Land 3, the early version seems to have some “collect the stars” gimmick. & while the current version is shaping up to be a mo’ square-shaped circle back to the start, this earlier version is much mo’ horizontal, starting @ the left & going mostly-straight rightward.
Fucking 1st Web Designer—Just Fucking 1st Web Designer.
What I love most ’bout this recent article wherein they give terrible advice, as always, is how every time I reread it, I keep finding new problems. It’s like the James Joyce’s Ulysses o’ shittiness: you need supplementary material to get it all.
Like, for instance, it took me a while to realize that this article’s very title, “How to Make Website Responsive in About 15 Minutes,” in addition to being a bald-faced lie ’bout what it can promise (as always) is written as if said by a caveman.
@ the beginning o’ the article is a list o’ points ’bout this article, such as how long it should take, how hard it should be, what minimal skills should be, &, @ the end, a “warning” that this might be fun for people who already know this shit—the same way I find it fun to do 2nd grade homework.
By the end of these quick tutorials about responsive web design with HTML5, you will already be on your way to web stardom, and by that, I mean, you’ll be ready to convert and make responsive websites!
Ah, yes, web designers are the rock stars o’ the internet. ¡With ’nough JavaScript libraries you’ll be the next Kurt Cobain! Which is to say that after your 100th site swivelling huge pictures o’ workers laughing & pretending their job isn’t the equivalent o’ having their souls in a smasher & free ads for iPhones, you’ll want to shoot yourself in the head.
Additional reading: If after reading this quick tutorial, you want to go more in depth check out this PSD to HTML tutorial: The Only Guide You Need in 2015 (ultimate learning 10k word guide)!
I think they prematurely ended this sentence: I think they meant to type, “The Only Guide You Need in 2015 to Know These People Know Nothing ’Bout Web Design.”
¡Phhhh! ¿You want to know what’s e’en better? If you actually go to that link, you’ll see that the page itself says that it’s “The Only Guide You Need in 2016 [emphasis mine]” & that ’twas written in 2016. These fuckers are so stupid they don’t e’en know what year it is & think that the only useful website for 2015ers is one that requires them to time-travel in order to read it.
For an article that s’posedly takes only 15 minutes to read & apply, it sure is full o’ lots o’ padding, including telling me what the writer is going to write. These writers must be paid by the word.
Anyway, most o’ the article is just, “download this framework & copy what I write.” This “website” that you end up making is not a website with any use to anyone (nor good-looking), & is a waste o’ bandwidth & loading time, with all the frameworks loaded to do nothing.
Here’s an easier way to make a reponsive website in 15 minutes: don’t use absolute measurements ’less you have to. ¿You want a navigation bar like in the screenshot they show? Just make an unordered list o’ links & make the list items inline & the links blocks. Also, don’t be ’fraid o’ having single columns. Honestly, I find they look better & are much easier to scan, since they’re less cluttered. This is 2016; no web user’s ’fraid to scroll, vertically a’least; you don’t need to pack everything @ the top like a newspaper.
Hell, e’en if one were adamant ’bout having one’s site in columns, one could just use flexbox. (That linked article, by the way, is a much better tutorial for responsive design than this).
This tutorial makes no sense. It claims that you’re s’posed to know CSS to be able to do it, but if you know CSS, you don’t need this tutorial, since you should already know how to make responsive websites—mo’ than you’d know how to install & use some unfamiliar frameworks.
Moreo’er, like many frameworks, these encourage terrible design standards, which this tutorial only accentuates. Look @ how silly that looks, having a page full o’ empty DIV tags that do nothing but tell a dumb framework to make a chunk o’ content 1000px in the most arcane way e’er. ¿What e’er happened to progressive enhancement? You’re not doing that by starting by imagining the larger screen size 1st.
But the best is the last step:
Step 4: There is no Step 4
I expected a tutorial on web design, not paradoxes, Douglas Hofstadter.
Well, actually there is a step 4.
¡This writer’s so naive they don’t e’en know how to use a backspace key!
The next thing you need to do is study the files you downloaded and start creating your own responsive web page from scratch.
asryhlawueyrvlauiybrvayruia… You’re trying to piss me off.
If I’m using frameworks, I’m not making anything “from scratch”; that is the exact opposite o’ the very definition o’ “from scratch.”
There are a lot of other tools you can use aside from Foundation, but the idea is basically the same. Don’t forget to check the documentation!
That’s gonna take quite a bit longer than 15 minutes, buddy.
What do you think about this tutorial? This is my first time writing one, and it may appear messy to experts, but comments and suggestions are always welcome so that we can all improve, right?
I love how this writer is @ their messiest while talking ’bout what a messy writer they are. ¿& who are the “experts”? ¿In literacy? ¿Who would that include? ¿Or is there some template for writing ’bout web design? Actually, considering how standardized these articles seem to be & how allergic these people are to doing anything themselves, that would make sense.
Start typing now!
But you just said I was s’posed to start by downloading files. You don’t e’en remember what you wrote, ¿did you?
¿Why?
