The Mezunian

I have a festering blister on the inside o’ my mouth… That wasn’t a metaphor. I truly do. & it hurts quite a lot, too. D’you know how to get rid o’ it, please?

‘Twas lovely wandering summer evening parks. ‘Twas in Gelat’nousboulder1 where I saw trash all scattered ‘long the vomit lawn, accomp’nied by globs o’ doggie shit & feel-good posters taped on tree boughs. ¡How nice o’ nature, serving such important needs! Surely tacky clip-art betters boring orchids. ¡Phhh! Luckily I saw the man whose dog improved […]

Ha, ha, ha! I’ve gotten you funky fuckers yet! I found the loophole. & you can’t stop me. I’ve found the 1 place I’m safe, where you can’t find me– your kryptonite cavern. I may not be able to do anything wrong without being punished; I may not be able to say anything wrong without […]

Hey. I saw what you’re trying to do-- & I can tell you right now, it won’t work. You’re trying to sneak into a li’l niche through you infirmities, ¿Sí? You thought you could ‘scape. You were wrong. We found you out like a trout, flopping flippantly like febrile phalluses, spraying your jizz all o’er […]

You probably think this is some kind o’ joke, some kind o’ game. I bet you think it’s a true dickslapper, you cock-nosed pile o’ cu-- No! No, it’s worse! You think this isn’t funny! You’re sitting there bored, saying to yourself, “Yeah, yeah: you’re a freak; I got it, bro.” Well, let me tell […]

Suddenly, finally, I woke from that long, fevered dream, only to find myself in an empty, dark void. Damn.

I. A soufflé carefully cooked, hour by hour... SLAM! Oven door’s open 1 second suddenly. It’s dead. I can hear the bomb ticking in my brain... I can feel the knife scraping my neck & forehead; constricting, suffocation, moldy blue skin. A tepid leaf floating flimsily on the edge o’ a bough till the hands […]

No! You can’t leave. Not yet! … We’ve just started. I won’t let you! … [It slips out the fire ‘scape.] Though in my eye ’twas all the time, it ‘scaped my sight till th’apex of its flight. Where did the warm orange tea go? Ran out the door hours ago; & it didn’t even […]

Shit. I almost forgot to dump the bucket ‘gain. The bucket must be dumped whenever it gets full, or it’ll spill & feed mold, killing us all with its toxic fumes. But 1 day I will forget. I try not to, but my mind, it slips. I can’t waste time– there’s only so much; but […]

Me olvidé de guardar los platos. Ahora están infestado de cucarachas para siempre. Bien hecho. I forgot to put the plate ‘way. Now it’s covered w/ roaches forever. Good job.