The Mezunian

Die Positivität ist das Opium des Volkes, aber der Spott ist das Opium der Verrückten

Bellis

Dear Luigi,

I know you’ve ne’er heard o’ me before, & that an absolute nobody like me shouldn’t waste your time with irrelevant talk when you still have so much important ghost-catching work to do, but I just wanted to tell you how much o’ a fan o’ you I am & that, whatever anyone else says, you’re still the 1st player in my heart.

I’m probably being presumptuous,—especially since, e’en if everyone else seems to think you’re 2nd to Mario, well, that’s still ‘bove almost all the rest o’ us—but I feel like I sorta feel the same way, but e’en worse. See, I have this “amazing” older sister, Angelita, whom everyone thinks is so great & so shiny & so powerful & has so much experience… I still remember in secondary school this Lakitu who was s’posed to be going out with me, but I later found out only pretended to so he could get closer to my sister, telling me once that she was such a “rare encounter.”

I know I probably shouldn’t be wasting your valuable time whining. I just wanted to let you know, if you cared—not that I think you’re callous or anything; I just mean that I’m not important ‘nough to care ’bout is all—why I look up to you so much, & was wondering if maybe you could sign this copy o’ Luigi’s Mansion for me, please, so I’ll have something to give me a milliliter o’ warmth when I wake up in the morn. & maybe if it’s possible I could e’en meet you sometime—but it’s OK if we can’t; the autograph by itself would be like a thousand 3-up moons.

Thank you for reading my long, pathetic scribblings without burning this into a million ashes.

¡Luigi fan numbah 1!
Bellis

Dear Luigi,

Sorry to be bugging you. I just wasn’t sure if you received my last letter. If so, you can just ignore this 1.

If you didn’t receive my last letter, I just wrote to say how I’m such a fan o’ yours & how I myself have an older sister whom everyone loves mo’ than me & just asked if you could sign a copy o’ Luigi’s Mansion for me (I’ve played it & Dark Moon so much that I’m able to A rank the former on Hidden Mansion PAL in less than 1 hour & 28 minutes & can 3-star & 100% all o’ the latter in ’bout 3 hours 😉 ).

You have no idea how uplifting hearing back would be. Thank you so much.

¡Luigi fan numbah 1!
Bellis

Dear Luigi,

I’m sorry. I’m sure you’ve gotten my other letters & are just too busy to read them, as well as all the others I’m sure you get from people far mo’ important. I’m just sending this to be extra sure. Maybe Parakarry lost 2 o’ them.

If you did receive the other 2 & just aren’t responding ’cause I’m being annoying or rude—people say I’m annoying a lot—please just send me a short letter telling me so. It’s so hard for me to stare @ the mailbox every day, perking up when I see Parakarry actually open my mailbox, only to get credit card offers & election ads. If you could just send me 1 letter telling me to screw off or something, a’least I wouldn’t need anything mo’ to expect…

Thank you still, though.

Thanks,
Bellis

Dear Luigi,

Luigi, or anyone else who might be reading this for Luigi (you seem like an important ‘nough guy to warrant a personal assistant–& if not, I’d love to take the offer), I know I’ve been annoying & whiny & just everything bad, but could you please send me any kind o response—anything will do. I know I’ve probably been wasting your time & that I’m a complete stranger & that I truly know nothing ’bout you, but I feel as if I have nothing with which to help me & was hoping that e’en this sliver o’ a similarity ‘tween us would make you able or willing to help me in a way that nobody else is.

I know I probably shouldn’t say this, but I bought a poison mushroom a few weeks ago & have been thinking o’ eating it. ¿I mean, what value do I have? Nobody needs a “2nd player enemy”; & I’m not e’en 2nd place, but all the way in last, e’en under the lowest Goomba. ¿Why waste precious memory when there are so many better sprites that could use it? Especially when, not to whine, but waking up every day with my worthlessness, hated e’en by underrated people like you, has been so unbearable…

I just wanted to ask for your advice on the subject, since you seem like such a wise person on feeling low, since I’ve seen you sometimes feel low compared to your older brother.

Love,
Bellis

Dear Luigi,

You’re right: ’twas stupid o’ me to procrastinate when I know I should just get it o’er with. Thank you for everything.

Goodbye.

Bellis

Dear Bellis,

I’m so very sorry that I didn’t respond till now. I was in a party that would not end because the Wario robot would not stop to use the wristwatch item. I’m sorry also for writing badly: Mario & I still aren’t very good @ English.

I’m always proud to get requests for autographs & am especially happy that you are so much a fan o’ li’l ol’ me. I am also sorry for hearing that you feel inferior than your older sister. If it makes you feel better, maybe someday you’ll win a fake contest & need to save your older sister from ghosts & get your own game! (Just be careful ’bout the ghosts themselves, hee hee).

Thank you for writing & I hope to get ‘nother letter soon.

Your green friend,
Luigi

Posted in Short Stories

When that Ol’ Curmudgeon Mezun isn’t Ranting ‘Bout All Bananas Being “Socially-Necessary Labor Time,” He’s Babbling On ‘Bout the Good Ol’ Days o’ those there Pokémons

Though it seems both a lot o’ fans agree with me, I’ll admit that my preference for generation 2 probably stems from nostalgia, as ’twas the 1st Pokémon game I e’er played, when I was 9. I’ll admit that my preference for the original Game Boy Color versions o’er the DS versions, which fans seem to prefer, probably does, too.

For the latter comparison, this mainly stems from aesthetics. Call it shallow, but I’m an artsy type & consider aesthetics to be as integral a part to a video game as to any painting or movie, as integral as style & diction are to literature. Gold, Silver, & Crystal were probably some o’ the most gorgeous 8-bit graphics e’er, save for maybe Kirby’s Adventure or some o’ the Mega Man games; generation 4 had early-N64-quality 3D graphics. I may be making this all up in my head, but I always felt that the 2nd generation games had a sort o’ watercolor look to them—probably ’cause the official art @ that period had that look. You know, wherein everything didn’t look perfectly colored-in. Take this official art for Feraligatr. ¿See the way Feraligatr’s highlights were smudgy whites?

& don’t get me started on the music; the remakes utterly butchered most o’ them. Songs that were mostly simple & melodic in tone became jangling messes o’ bell notes. Listen to what they did to “Goldenrod City”1: if you listen closely, you can kinda hear the original song buried in the mountain o’ notes. Or how ’bout “Dark Cave”: the original’s crunchy riffs become washed-out generic sounds. It’s like watching your favorite maple tree from your childhood home be chopped down & replaced by cheap office plants. Fuck Mother 3‘s or any o’ those games’ “sad” storylines; if you truly want me to cry @ a video game, make me listen to HGSS “Dark Cave.” In general, the remake’s music is washed-out messes o’ what were originally clear & focused songs, with only maybe the “Kanto Wild Pokémon” theme being an improvement. That’s probably why they put in a way to listen to the original soundtrack: they knew they fucked up. But in order to use that, you have to pretty much beat the whole game, ¿so what’s the point, ‘less you’re anal ‘nough to fuck round with collecting Pokémon or creating Pokémon with perfect IVs & Evs & all that shit.

The 1st generation games’ remakes also had inferior music to the originals’. Oddly, the 1st generation games’ music, when it wasn’t obnoxious nursery-rhyme shlock that makes me need an aspirin, like “Celadon City,” it’s actually rather menacing music for children’s games. I mean, it’s not frightening or anything; but it’s certainly not happy. While I remembered the infamous “Lavender Town” & “Pokémon Tower,” which are ghostly places, so it’s expected, I didn’t remember till much older that “Viridian Forest,” the song that plays in 1 o’ the earliest areas, where you catch Pikachu & fight Metapods that can’t e’en do shit to your Pokémon, goes “DUN DUN DUN DUN, DUN DUN DUN DUN” like the soundtrack to some countdown to mass destruction.

In general, the 1st generation games seemed eerier, probably due to their old aesthetics that bordered on awkward. I don’t know why, but ’cause the graphics & music were less complicated they felt dimmer. Granted, the fact that the graphics were so ghastly that most o’ the Pokémon looked like eldritch abominations & that the official sound track had an echo effect to it (as well as the stranger fight sounds & Pokémon cries added in) helped. Strangely, this didn’t apply to the 2nd generation games, which felt much brighter & softer in tone.

Still, like the 2nd generation (though not as much), the 1st generation’s original music matched the right tone better than the remakes’. The remakes felt brighter & cleaner, & its music felt softer. I’m sorry, but the remakes’ “Lavender Town” will ne’er be as eerie as the originals’. That said, it’s not as bad a butchering as Heart Gold & Soul Silver. The mo’ jangling songs, like “Cerulean & Fuscia Cities” actually sound better. Hell, e’en their remixes o’ 2nd generation songs “Violet City” & “Azalea Town” sound better in Leaf Green & Fire Red than Heart Gold & Soul Silver.

I will admit, however, that I have some nostalgia for the 1st generation remakes, though I’m not sure if it’s any mo’ than the originals (or a’least Yellow). I think I’d still prefer the aesthetics o’ the original. In addition to the music fitting the tone better, I rather like the effect o’ the changing monochrome in Game Boy Color Yellow or Super Game Boy Red & Blue.

Interestingly, while I have huge nostalgia for generation 2 due to being so fond & familiar with it, I’ve become somewhat sick o’ generation 1 ’cause o’ how familiar I am with it. Whereas generation 2’s Pokémon, music, towns, gym leaders, & graphics are rare ‘nough in general Pokémon media to still feel somewhat fresh, the originals, due to being the originals, are all o’er. ¿Who isn’t already immensely familiar with all o’ the 1st 150 Pokémon, or the towns, or the music, & all that? ¿Who’s mo’ familiar with Silver & his lustuous long red hair than Blue or mo’ familiar with that whiny asshole Whitney & her Mootank than Brock or Misty.

1 thing the 1st generation did better than the 2nd generation, & both did better than most o’ their followers, was give the player mo’ control o’er how they proceed through the game. Sure, you have to beat Brock & Misty @ the beginning if you don’t cheat or screw with glitches, but other than beating Koga before Blane (so you can surf to Cinnabar) & beating Giovanni last, you can fight the gym leaders in any order. The 3-by-3 grid layout o’ the heart o’ Kanto probably was the best layout o’ any Pokémon game. You could get to most towns through multiple directions, with mo’ opening up as you progress further—mainly after you get the guards their lemonade or tea. I believe the 2nd generation games did allow one to go rightward after Goldenrod ‘stead o’ leftward, but I ne’er went that way, since it’s less convenient. Still, it’s sad that the later generations didn’t allow players nearly as much creativity in how they can progress through the game, ‘specially since the looseness o’ Pokémon’s difficulty (e’en Pokémon who are dozens o’ levels ‘bove yours can easily be beaten if one has a good team) would make this easier than in an action game.

Apparently the generation 3 games are viewed as a low point in the series, but though I do remember feeling rather bummed out ’bout not being able to trade ‘tween it & the previous generations & not being able to go to previous regions, I don’t remember e’en letting that influence my opinion o’ the games that much. Ironically, I remember when I 1st saw screenshots for Ruby & Sapphire I was awestruck by how much better they looked than the previous generations—¡actual backgrounds in battles! ¡No mo’ fighting in white voids!

While people harangue this generation for not bringing back day & night changes from generation 2 (¿why don’t they complain ’bout generation 6 not bringing back seasons from generation 5?), they ignore the many improvements generation 3 made. This was where abilities originated & where the berry, Pokémon stats, Pokémon box, & item systems were rehauled into something less simplistic & tedious. Also, while not as cheesily fun as Team Rocket or the odd mix o’ cheesiness & actual threat as Team Plasma, Teams Aqua & Magma were probably the best-written villains o’ the series (they were also the most subtle). Their goal was the most believable & they weren’t nearly as strawmanned as any o’ the other villains. Team Rocket outright calls themselves evil; Team Galactica have stupid motivations & are otherwise forgettable as the rest o’ that generation; Team Plasma & Team Flare are too ludicrous to take seriously, & the latter’s motivations were also silly (the closest I could comprehend was that Lyssandre believed in a lot o’ outdated economics, like some Malthusian shit & the ol’ myth that the world is o’erpopulated & that that’s bringing economies down).

The generation that I feel is the low point is the 4th generation, which infects my view o’ the Gold, Silver, & Crystal remakes mentioned ‘bove. I don’t know, Diamond, Pearl, & Platinum just felt bland—like Game Freak were just phoning it in. Whereas I feel as if all o’ the other generations had some freshness—like Game Freak were making a new Pokémon game with new elements that made them feel different—the 4th generation felt sterile. Yeah, they brought back day-&-night cycles, & added internet & a touch screen as practically mandatory for a DS game; but what did generation 4 truly contribute, save for mostly forgettable Pokémon & the physical/special divide that technically had already been implemented in Pokémon XD. I didn’t feel as if these games had a personality @ all. The 2nd generation games had the intermeshing o’ modernity & tradition, with the contrast o’ the glitzy cities like Goldenrod gainst the ol’ towns like Ecruteak & Kanto, which was both familiar & changed @ the same time. I’ve heard many who discuss the game describe it as feeling closer to the previous generation than any other generation did to any other; but that closeness seems to make the differences feel stronger. Generation 6 also seemed to have something like this, which I’ll discuss later. Meanwhile, the 3rd & 5th generations felt like reboots that seemed to jolt life into the series. Generation 4 doesn’t seem to have any o’ that, though: it somehow doesn’t feel particularly different or similar to any o’ the other generations.

But worse than that, Diamond & Pearl just feel clunky. They’re so slow that it’s almost intolerable to play. Pokémon balancing is terrible: there’s only 2 fire Pokémon lines in the entire main game, & 1 o’ those are 1 o’ the starters. If you don’t pick the fire monkey (see, I don’t e’en remember this generation’s Pokémon names), you’re stuck with Ponyta or no fire Pokémon @ all. This despite the fact that 1 o’ the Elite Four trainers specializes in fire Pokémon—’cept since there are so few fire Pokémon, he’s stuck with a bunch o’ irrelevant Pokémon. You’d think @ that point they’d realized they fucked up, but they apparently didn’t. I don’t know: I feel as if there was less attention put into this generation—that they were just filling in #s rather than creating a game they actually cared ’bout. I guess Platinum apparently fixed some o’ these; but the 3rd game o’ a generation shouldn’t fix a game. Yellow, Crystal & Emerald didn’t have to fix their originals ’cause the originals were still good.

To show that this isn’t just ’cause I’m an ol’ curmudgeon who hates anything new (I just realized that the 4th generation is almost a decade ol’), I actually remember being excited ’bout generation 5 when ’twas coming out & finding that it mostly met that hype. Unlike generation 4, which did li’l interesting for the franchise & was barely playable—seriously, it’s that sluggish—I remember generation 5 improved a lot o’ elements that many were clamoring for: making TMs not disappear after being used, changing that awful beeping when a Pokémon’s life is low, talking ’bout the ethical issues o’ Pokémon raising & the idea o’ someone trying to dominate the world by monopolizing all Pokémon (maybe this latter was just what I was clamoring for). Its Pokémon designs also seemed mo’ memorable, but I guess most people have mixed views ’bout that. I hear many complain ’bout how they hate Pokémon who are inanimate objects & are simple, whereas I like these Pokémon & hate the Pokémon they like: that same dog- or beast-shaped design they use for almost every modern legendary with a million seemingly random spikes (the primary legendary for the 4th & 5th generations are ample examples). I don’t know ’bout you, but I thought the trash bag & snowcone Pokémon were hilariously awesome. ¿& how could anyone hate those jangling keys, Klefki?

Speaking o’ generation 6, it’s OK. 1 interesting thing ’bout it is the counterpoint it makes to generation 5’s treatment o’ Pokémon inclusion: whereas the 5th generation had the most new Pokémon since the 1st generation & only used those new Pokémon, generation 6 has the least & focuses on mixing together the Pokémon from all the earlier generations, with a li’l mo’ focus on some o’ the ignored Pokémon, like Mareep (granted, there are still a lot o’ Pidgey & Zubats). I guess Mega Evolutions are fun & they improved a lot o’ tedious stuff, like having to use Max Repels manually each time 1 runs out & letting one ask for Pokémon one hasn’t seen yet on GTS. Pokécommunism (Exp. Share) makes the game a joke, difficulty-wise, though: ’twas the 1st time my Pokémon were higher levels than all o’ the Elite Four, e’en the champion. The story was also forgettable, other than maybe the cheesy Matrix-bad-ass style Team Flare’s going for.

As for the aesthetics… (yawns). Other than Lyssandre’s battle theme & maybe Laverre City, the music is so bland & boring. It almost makes me fall asleep. The UI—mainly the text prompts—also looks like some cheap schlock I could make in Photoshop in a few minutes—you know, like they have in those cheap cellphone remakes, like those heinously anus Final Fantasy remakes.

It’s still better than Diamond & Pearl, though. Those games’ gameplay makes me fall asleep.


Footnotes:

[1] It’s so bad that e’en these simple fan remixes are 1,000 times better.

Posted in Video Games

The Socialist Paradox & the Law of Orwell (Also a Rant ‘Bout Milton Friedman in a Footnote)

Law: If you support economic democracy, you support economic totalitarianism.

Proof:

Supporting economic democracy means supporting socialism.

Supporting socialism means supporting totalitarianism.

The law is gotten through the transitive property.

In mathematical notation, for the (nonexistent) economists in the audience:

A = B

B = !A

Therefore, A = !A

‘Course, the real-world manifestation o’ this paradox is due to the Law of Orwell: Politicians’ intent may vary from their promises, or in layman’s terms: Politicians are full o’ shit. Those who promise the sweet candy o’ democracy may truly be trapping you into totalitarianism.

It should be pointed out, however, that the Law of Orwell applies just as much to any other ideology. One should only look up Friedman’s support for dictators in Chile & China1 or Hayek’s defense o’ “liberal” dictatorships for the cousin paradox, the “Authoritarian Libertarians.”


[1] Friedman once complained ’bout the left being hypocritical for criticizing his fraternizing with genocidal dictator Pinochet, but not criticizing his fraternizing with totalitarian Marxist governments in China. I won’t make that same mistake: fuck you, Friedman, for rubbing dicks with capitalist totalitarians & fuck you for rubbing dicks with communist totalitarians. The 1 thing you proved yourself to be consistent in was schmoozing with any crony dictator who’ll let you force your petty economic rituals on people (since the mass majority wouldn’t voluntarily swallow his vapid nonsense)—as is typical o’ “libertarians.”

Also, fuck the pathetic bootlickers in that linked article. ¿You know what’s different from Friedman & those other people? They didn’t pump themselves up as “libertarians” & lovers o’ “freedom.” ¿You know what legitimate libertarians do? They don’t give advice to goverments @ all; they tell them to fuck off.

Posted in Politics

Peppermint Pink Sonnet

Accompanying music.

Light that leads me through the blizzard,

white in flakes, such snuggled blankets.

Tangy sugar never withers,

though this season never bakes it,

only baked so long ago,

you remind me o’ soft bread,

warm tan crescents made o’ snow.

Noses itch in strong, fresh scents.

Red lights warn you: stop & breathe,

drown the death in breakfast tea,

touch the crystals on the leaves.

Posted in Metered, Mezunian Sonnet, Poetry

Lazy Commie Mezun Just Up & Steals Other People’s Articles to Make Fun o’ Jonathan Chait

I was going to write an article ’bout ditzy “anti-PC liberals” like Jonathan Chait & what hypocritical whiners they are, but I found 2 articles by some hippies called Student Activism.net that are almost perfect descriptions1:

Man, writing articles is so much easier when you let other bloggers do it for you. Now I can spend my time on mo’ striking issues, like which generation o’ Pokémon is better. After all, I need to keep ‘head o’ serious institutes like Forbes & their hard-hitting financial wisdom known as “What’s the Difference Between Pokemon X and Y?” (to bad [edit: too bad I was too fucking baked to e’en bother to proof-read this article] they weren’t hard-hitting ‘nough to remember the accent o’er the E’s, the fucking plebeians).

Footnotes:

[1] ‘Cept for the missing comma in 1 title–‘less they’re talking ’bout Chait’s hatred o’ the people literally made out o’ free speech, which is something in which I’d have to agree with Chait, since that sounds horrifically eldritch.

The uncapitalized “be” in the 2nd title I have no problem with, however; Engelsists always hate all forms o’ capital, including the alphabetical kind. Don’t need your bourgeoisie big B’s, thanks; simple, honest proletarian small b’s work just fine.

Posted in No News Is Good News, Politics, Yuppy Tripe

Pot Luck

A pot luck is a thick gumbo that mixes various media & genres together into a thick gumbo. It’s my scrapbook where I keep all my leaves, my schedules, my studies, my research, my poetry, my anecdotes, my memos, my doodles, my recipes, my cheat codes, my passwords, my top 13 lists, my diary, my suicide notes…

Posted in ¿What the Fuck Is this Shit?

Koopez

Our story starts on a breezy afternoon, the creamy pastures o’ Donut Plains stretching as far as the eye could see—a’least from west to east; from north to south, the land was the thinnest slice. Koopez ne’er knew what’d happen if someone attempted to move latitudinally; he ne’er saw anyone dare.

But Koopez didn’t let such thoughts ruin such a magnificent morn, where the sun covered everyone in a blanket o’ warmth; nor did Koopez let said sun’s stormy anger ruin his day.

“Mr. Sun, ¿why are you always so angry when there is so much to enjoy in life?”

“Whatever enjoyment you get in this game we call life is temporary, whereas cruel game over will be inevitable & permanent,” Mr. Sun replied; “thus I’m getting a head start.”

Their conversation was interrupted by the loud thumbing o’ boots ’pon grass. Koopez turned to the source, only for his already-enormous eyes to balloon.

¡What a sight this fellow was! Though Koopas considered themselves tall creatures, this fellow easily matched Koopez’s height. ¡But this was no mere Koopa! Garbed in fetching blue o’eralls & matching red shirt & hat, this man stood straight as a hieroglyph with his gloved hands & head turned to the side. ¡A stature fit for an emperor! Koopez swooned. But what truly made drool drip from Koopez’s maw was the creamy black fur sprouting under the man’s meaty nose.

Koopez’s heart pounded faster than the speediest TAS as he gazed ’pon this living god. He wanted to greet him, but suddenly found his mouth clogged with Fuzzies—& his head dizzy, as if he’d swallowed these Fuzzies.

Koopez opened his mouth to speak, only to stop when he saw the red-hatted man leap into the air. As Koopez’s eyes rose ’long with the red-hatted man’s amazing height, his jaw dropped in accordance.

So stunned was he by this feat that he neglected to notice the red-hatted man’s shadow loom o’er him, till he felt the force o’ a truck fall onto him, shoving him into his shell.

“¡Ack! ¿What happened?”

Suddenly he felt the world rush below him. This & the sight-slaying darkness surrounding him caused him to shiver as he’d ne’er done before.

As an added poison mushroom, he later felt a heavy smack from the front, & then the world zoomed in the other direction.

¡If this doesn’t stop I’m going to puke & embarrass myself in front o’ him!

Eventually he did feel the world stop by a force crushing down on him from ’bove. Still so frightened, though, he waited a full minute before he carefully reached his head out & rejoined the outside.

When Koopez looked around him, he saw that everything was gone. Mysteriously floating bricks had mysteriously disappeared, & their ?-branded brethren were now signless. Moreo’er, the Koopas, Goombas, & e’en the angry sun, were nowhere seen.

Worse, Koopez’s dream mate was gone.

Koopez hung his head & gazed glass-eyed @ the still grass. I didn’t e’en have a chance to get his name. ¿What if I ne’er see him ’gain?

Well, just in case, I’d better prepare for if I do see him ’gain.

So Koopez wrote out a gorgeous poem full o’ such breathtaking metaphors as, “Your bushy mustache is like a worm that infects my heart,” & paced in wait ’tween the same 2 pipes he stood ’tween earlier for the mysterious red-hatted man to reappear.

The hours sped by in their big turn-key boots, Koopez watching the sun tire himself with exasperation to sleep under the horizon, replaced by the great white sphere o’ the moon. When Koopez stared @ its grizzled face—which looked like a slightly uglier version o’ his newfound love’s, but with triangular nose & zigzag moustache—he thought he saw it wink. He added it to the stock o’ good signs he’d seen that day, such as the 1 that said “Koopa Air” or the 1 that showed a Bob-omb crossing the street.

The sun returned, & so did the red-hatted man. Wary that the red-hatted man’s presence would be brief, Koopez wasted no time reciting his poetry:

“¿How can words do justice to the exquisite perfection o’ your every pixel? Wh—¿Hey, where are you going?”

Turned out that the red-hatted man wasted no time leaping o’er Koopez & scampering on his way. Koopez turned & watched as the man hopped under 1 o’ the many ?-blocks, knocking a brunching Goomba from below.

While the red-hatted man was distracted by some strange species o’ flora Koopez had seen many times before, Koopez leapt @ him, wrapping his arms round the red-hatted man’s neck—which he found quite difficult, since the red-hatted man didn’t appear to have a neck.

“¡Wait! ¡Don’t go without telling me your name! ¡Please!”

To Koopez’s shock, the man seemed to shrink under his very grasp with rapid flickers. He gaped @ this newly half-sized person as the red-hatted man jumped back in shock, slipping through Koopez’s hold as if immaterial.

The red-hatted man then edged backward, but was too late to escape before Koopez clutched him ’gain.

“¡Wait! ¡I don’t mean to harm you, sir! I just want to get to know you. ¿Would you like to join me for a couple cans o’ Chuckola?”

The red-hatted man threw his arms out & jumped; but this time, rather than moving longitudinally, he went o’er the thin edge, disappearing down into the abyss with a melancholy jingle.

Koopez’s face hang so low it almost touched the ground, & the corner o’ his eyes filled with steamy tears.

“I can’t believe he hates me so much… ¿Am I so ugly? ¿Do I smell so bad?”

Shattered senseless, Koopez trudged forward without seeing where he was going, sighing @ every tuft o’ red grass that passed his feet. Eventually, he reached the end o’ a cliff; but he didn’t care: his lives weren’t worth preserving.

And so he fell into the ether, disappearing just as his love had.

The sun stared down @ this with a surly smirk still smothering his visage, shaking his face.

“As I said: game over will eventually come & wipe ’way all happiness fore’er. As if hard-coded, it never fails.”

Posted in Short Stories

Far-Off Train Whistle Sonnet

Accompanying music.

Viewed through blinds, your smoky scents

with your rattling tracks & wheels

passes straight through my brain stem

with the rusty steel that peels

scraps & bolts & coal-black fire,

painted muddy brown & red.

Midnight chugged without a tire

& a million-meter bed.

Sure your ghosts are sure cliché,

floating in their dirty rags;

I’ll ride nightmares any day.

Posted in Metered, Mezunian Sonnet, Poetry

People Who Criticize “Social Justice Warriors” Are Mindless Hypocrites

1st, the phrase is redundant. All justice is social. Justice is nothing mo’ than comparing how 1 person is treated to ‘nother & seeing that they’re equal. E’en if one believes in meritorious justice rather than equalitarian, one believes that greater rewards are balanced by greater liability in the form o’ greater effort. Balance ‘tween people is an inherent part o’ justice; that’s why justice is represented by scales. A scale by itself has no relation to justice ’cause a person cannot injustice oneself, ’cause people have control o’er themselves; it’s only how people treat others wherein justice becomes an issue.

Anyway, the people who criticize “SJWs” always try to present themselves as cool nihilists who care only ’bout humor, only to get just as bitchy when their own petty issues are stomped on. Thus we see rich ditzes whine ’bout how they shouldn’t have to care ’bout boring oppression gainst minorities, but then ne’er shut the fuck up ’bout the pettier suppression o’ their ability to waste every airspace with their insipid bullshit. Their logic is clear: I shouldn’t have to care ’bout anyone else, but everyone else should care ’bout me. Utter inconsistency. If such so-called nihilists don’t care ’bout injustice, then they must be consistent & accept injustice gainst themselves.

Thus we have the stupidity o’ GamerGate, a movement dedicated to making money whining ’bout some random women making money whining ’bout sexism in gaming, all for their noble fight gainst people who soil media ’bout 1st-world playthings by nobly fighting gainst things. It’s the same “centrist” shlock that infects regular political media: they criticize anything they disagree with as “biased,” since they have no actually rational arguments gainst it, ignoring that to define a certain viewpoint as “biased,” & a different (theirs) as “the middle” is to be biased ’bout what is the “middle.”

Economists do the same: they define heathens who dare to have independent thought on the proper distribution o’ wealth from their invisible hand god as “social justice” folk, as opposed to level-headed economists who then bitch & moan ’bout their imaginary model economies being tampered with or the injustice rich people go through by being “stolen” from (that this definition o’ “theft” & “true ownership” is just as arbitrary, & ultimately backed by government law, is ignored, ‘course, since economists replace authentic analysis with ideological regurgitation). ‘Gain, if economists want to be cool, emotionless scientists, then they have to be accepting o’ all “injustice.” People who sneer @ those who whine ’bout the innumerably corrupt & unjust actions o’ the rich & corporations, but then get in a hissy fit when workers form unions, regulate, or redistribute wealth are simply bumbling hypocrites who should be laughed @ themselves.

‘Course, the greatest paradox is that anyone who rails gainst “social justice warriors,” by railing so fiercely, is already a social justice warrior. The only difference is that they’re just shittier versions. So if I have to choose ‘tween supporting social justice warriors, I’d rather support those who fight for social issues that actually matter rather than petty garbage that has to twist words round to hide the fact that it’s petty garbage. It’s just like “political correctness” or “intellectualist”: it’s a way for people with rationally useless philosophical views to attack rationally useful views not by actually deconstructing them logically, but, ironically, by sarcastically calling them rational. “O, so you’re the ‘warriors’ who put effort into making society fair—i.e. logically consistent. Phhh, why don’t you go back to your college for smart people, smarty sweats.” It’s like the passive-aggressive people who call themselves “conservatives” & say, “O, well I guess I’m dumb then,” whenever “liberals”—people who are bad ’cause they disagree with their views, thus creating a self-fulfilling ideology—are mean ‘nough to point out how illogical—i.e. dumb—their views are. & nothing’s mo’ unjust in this world than people with dumb views having their dumb views called dumb.

& if they do support justice, but just don’t think that feminists, or whatever group they hate, supports is justice, then they shouldn’t use the term “social justice warrior.” So either way, they’re stupid. ¿If they truly think their definition for justice is better, why don’t they ‘splain it ‘stead o’ relying on meaningless epithets as useful as “poopy-head”?

& for the record, I’m not a “Social Justice Warrior”: I’m a Social Justice Black Wizard, ’cause I chose Black Mage (way to be reverse-racist in giving the black mages the badass offensive magic, Square) & totally gave Bahamut his rat tail.

Posted in Politics